Dear Person That Only Knows One Side,
I would like to tell you a bit more about me, before I really get into this. We’ve never met. We’ve never had a coffee together or laughed on the phone. What I know of you is from a few messages quite a while back if I remember rightly. I don’t know your favourite colour or where you grew up. I don’t know your lifelong aspirations or how hard you’ve worked in the few years you’ve been on this planet. All I know is your name and that, for a short amount of time, you knew my child.
I doubt very much you’ll read this because I doubt you actually follow my blog. You probably just read that one post didn’t you? One that the title and the timeline meant something to you? So you were curious, and you read it and you got angry, you lost sleep because you just couldn’t possibly believe what I had to say.
So you told me I over exaggerated. You told me I lied. You told me I was naive – which, is quite funny, really. I have never been called naive before in my life, so it was a breath of fresh air. Thanks!
We have never met. We have never seen each other in person. I know absolutely nothing about you, and I never really cared to to be honest so I never asked. It was none of my business. But you must have been curious because you wouldn’t have sent me a friend request on an inactive social media account. You must have wanted to know about my life because you pressed that add friend button. I didn’t. I actually blocked you the moment I knew all those years ago. I unblocked you, when I thought I owed you an explanation for not accepting that friend request, but in reality, I owed you absolutely nothing and you should have stayed on that block list.
I think that was my moment really, the moment I was naive. Not when I wrote an incredibly personal post about domestic violence. Not when I overshared in the hope that I could show someone exactly what control is. And what I find curious, what makes me the tiniest bit curious about you is why you felt the need to say something.
Was it because of all the encouraging and supportive comments I had telling me well done? Telling me how brave I was to share?
Was it because, as you said in your delightful message, that you could understand the tiniest bit of where I was coming from and you went into denial about it? Was is because you were curious about me and who I was?
You say you didn’t want to know about the relationship but then why did you read the post? You knew what it was about. If you weren’t curious, if you truly didn’t believe then you wouldn’t have read it.
I’d also like to say that you should be more honest. Don’t send a message saying “I don’t want to offend” or “be an interference” if the rest of you message is going to be offensive and interfering. I am old enough to be able to listen to brute honesty. But I don’t think you were being honest with me, or with yourself. I think that lack of sleep you’ve apparently been having is because of that niggle in the back of your mind that keeps whispering “what if…”
So what would you do if you were me? You wouldn’t stand for it? Well, you didn’t, well done, you left too. But let’s be completely honest here. You were not there, you are not me and you have not experienced any part of my life. If you could relate to some of what I said then how could what I say be so unbelievable? Four years ago, I walked away from a dark part of my life. One that has no fond memories. One that I don’t look back on and smile. One that has only one good thing and that good thing is now with me, for most of the time. A permanent reminder that I walked away, that I can be strong because I have someone to be strong for.
Did you know that when someone walks away from a violent relationship, they can’t just stop a child’s contact with the other parent? Especially if they’re on the birth certificate? In fact, a judge will force contact, through supervised visits or a contact centre until they are satisfied there is no risk to the child. I don’t think you did, because you are not a parent. You have never been in my position. You have not had to seek the legal counsel that I had to.
I don’t know what you’ve been told about me. I don’t really care to be honest. But let me ask you, if I am that overbearing, that bad of a person, that naive, that manipulative person that I would bet money on you’ve been told about, then why am I the one in a secure relationship? I’m not saying you’re not, I’m sure you are. But my point is that you weren’t.
I am living with a good man who is amazing for my daughter. We have never broke up and been on again, off again – because that would be a really bad environment for our daughter. And yes, I say our daughter, because he is every bit a parent as I am. My daughter is so lucky that she has that secure environment here at home and I haven’t jeopardised her relationship with other members of the family. We took our time before we moved in together. We have shared the last three and a half years making a home together and raising a child together. We smile, we adventure, we love and because of that I am strong, I am happy and I am confident that what we have is real. I have so many fond memories of the last four years, since I walked away. Can you honestly say you had the same as me? You can’t, because you’re with someone else too.
I will end this the same way I ended our last conversation. I sincerely wish you every happiness, and I am glad that things didn’t get too far that you experienced what I experienced. I would never, ever wish that on anyone. Even you, the person that just couldn’t believe me.
The Girl That Experienced Things Differently To You
The whole point of this letter is that you should never judge a book by it’s cover. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. You shouldn’t make a comment on something you have never experienced and most importantly, that every person is different and individual. Every relationship and friendship you experience is unique to you and to no one else. Sometimes things are just not what they seem and you don’t always no best.