Do you think you’re sometimes a bit selfish as a parent? I’ve read a lot of posts lately about mum guilt from those that have really struggled with making decisions for what is ultimately the best decision for their families so I thought I’d write a little list of the reasons why I’ve been called a selfish mother by those that love to judge. It is okay to be a little bit selfish sometimes, it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes and it is more than okay to be happy with the decisions you make. Parental judging is a little bit silly. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that happy parents make happy children and who bloody cares how your family operates if your kids are
sort of clean, smiling and sometimes remember their pleases and thankyous. If you have any of these things once a week then you’re doing a good job in my book.
- I resented being a stay at home mum. It sucked for me but due to being in a controlling relationship and then living in a hostel for ten months I couldn’t work. However, three months into my freedom and own flat I was back working. Now I work from home, but my daughter is at school so I have a few hours of peace.
- I do not let my daughter on my iPhone/Tablet, I don’t download games for her (except Pokemon Go, but that was totally for me and I don’t like her being in control of the catching because it’s MY turn.) She has a leap pad, totally appropriate for her age of six.
- My stuff is my stuff and I rarely share. The list includes food, drawing paper and now, apparently, my makeup. However, Evangeline shares pretty much everything all the time, even though she’s an only child. Which means she shares her sweets with me. 🙂
- I don’t like helping her. Now I don’t mean I leave her to fend for myself, put down that judgey face. What I mean is, if there is something I know she can do herself (like get dressed!) then I refuse to do it for her because I think she’s being lazy. I do however, help her if she asks me with homework, reading and washing her hair because she refuses to get it cut.)
- I make sure she cleans up after herself. She is six and fully capable of helping out around the flat. We only have a small space really and a lot of clutter. It’s important she contributes, clears her things away and she gets extra points for making her bed in the morning.
- When we go shopping, I don’t always buy her treats. Mostly, because she’s a nightmare to go shopping with, especially if it’s not for her, but she needs to understand that just because we are leaving the house does not mean it’s to buy her new toys/sweets or go to the park. Sometimes leaving the house just isn’t fun, and she needs to learn this.
- When I go shopping alone, I do treat myself. So this one did take a while but I’ve learned that when I do go out on shopping sprees, or order myself things online or Adam and I go away when she’s not here for the weekend, I don’t think ‘Oh I must get something for Evie if I get something for myself.’ I like getting myself little treats every now and then. However, sometimes, depending on behaviour, or if, for example, we go on holiday as a couple, I do get her a little something or souvenir.
- We have a holiday every year as a couple. This is mostly because Evie goes away for half of every half term and two weeks in the summer holidays so it’s only fair Adam and I should have some time away too. We also go on a family holiday each year which is usually very exhausting, we did Disneyland last February as a family and Norway as a couple to relax.
- I love the weekends when Evie is away. Yes, I miss her, and yes I worry but not as much as I used to and now it means I can get a lot of stuff done without a small being attached to my leg.
- My birthday has been a child free zone for the last three years, this will be the fourth. So the last time Evie was with me on my birthday was 2012. This was because when I originally left my ex partner we agreed on alternate Christmases. However, apparently it’s more convenient for them to have her from Boxing Day until New Years Day. My birthday is 30th December so falls in the middle of the time she’s away. It’s hard because it would be lovely to have some birthday cuddles but then I miss out on Christmas Day with her. It also means I can pretty much do whatever I want for my birthday and New Years Eve. I think though, I will swap in 2018 when I turn 30. It would be nice to be together on special birthdays.
- I went back to work full time and I didn’t feel guilty about it. I liked meeting new people and socialising. Yes, I missed my family but I need to do what was best for us. Now I work from home we see more of each other but I do love those peaceful hours when I’m working and she’s at school.
- My Living Room is not a Toy Room. We live in a two bedroom flat. Our living room is my office, dining room, day room, living room and everything else. I simply do not have the space for lots of toys everywhere. On occassion Evie can bring some of her toys in on a Saturday morning for a couple of hours and she can draw at the table but for playing with her five million shopkins, well, she has a bedroom for that.
So there are my 10 reasons why I’m a selfish mother, and I am totally okay with it. There’s no need to judge me or anyone else that makes similar decisions. My daughter is funny, bright, loves school and really independent. She’s also so full of love and hugs, has a fantastic imagination and loves reading with me so, to be fair, I think I’ve done a pretty good job. If I do say so myself.
Do not feel guilty about the choices you make for the benefit of your family. If they work for you then that’s brilliant, whether they’re a little bit selfish or not.
Are you a selfish parent?