I’ve recently been thinking about the relationships I’ve had in teenage years and adult hood. I find it a little hard to believe I’m twenty eight. I was ID’d the other week in Aldi, luckily my dad was with me and as he was paying I was off the hook but I was like, thanks because it’s my birthday next week and I certainly don’t feel under twenty five anymore. This is because since 21st December 2009 I found out I was carrying a small in my womb so really I haven’t felt my age for a long time. I was never really a typical in my twenties person and I had to go through my mistakes for the best of my daughter as well as what was best for me. I wouldn’t change my life but it does make me wonder how things could have turned out and evaluate the relationships I’ve had.
I met my first boyfriend at school when I was fifteen. We were together for about ten months I think. That was my first real, oh my gosh I’m in love relationship, although in hindsight I was fifteen, I didn’t really know what I was on about. I wouldn’t say we’re still buddies but I’m glad I still have his family in my life. He’s a good guy and has a daughter of his own now, he has two lovely sisters and a mum that I’ve always got on with. They’ve all met Evie too which, maybe to some, is strange but I’m just glad she has lots of people in her life really.
After that I just had a bit of a bad spell with relationships, drinking too much (as you do at eighteen), making bad decisions, jumping from job to job. This was all after I dropped out of college at eighteen until I was about twenty. I moved alot, suffered terribly with my depression, my anxiety was through the roof, I didn’t take care of myself very well and I was just in a very vulnerable place. When you’re in a vulnerable place it’s easy to take advantage so I listened to bad advice, moved one hundred miles away, got a nice job and enrolled in university and then bang…got pregnant. So things didn’t go to plan. It was also a toxic relationship for my early twenties and one I’m glad I got away from because it just wasn’t a good place for anyone.
Whilst I was living in a hostel I joined a dodgy dating website called Plenty of Fish. It’s got a bad reputation but there are some semi decent humans on there, one of which being my very own Adam. I was twenty three when I met him, he was twenty one, and now here we are after celebrating four years together last November with our little family. I didn’t expect to find love through an online dating website but as a single mother in a refuge I didn’t really know where I was going to meet anyone. Really I joined just to have some adult conversation and someone to talk to so I could distance myself from my current situation. It just so happens that we had a lot in common and had a really nice first date.
Juggling a relationship whilst not having your own home and having a two and a half year old and being in a period of self doubt and worry was pretty tough but the relationship I was forming with Adam really helped. I think that’s why I know he’s my partner and not just another relationship. He balances me out, he helps me make tough decisions and he supports me. We help and support each other really. We are a family now. It may not be conventional, but it certainly makes a happy home.