When Felix Was Born
Felix came crashing, well, actually no he didn’t. He was tugged out at 8.46pm on Thursday 4th October 2018. He weighed 9lbs9oz. Adam was the first to hold him because I was basically passing out on the theatre table and worried about throwing up because I felt so sick. I didn’t feel sick in labour with Evie. I think they gave me three anti sickness shots in the end. I wasn’t sick. I can tell you though as someone that suffers with emetophobia laying on your back whilst you’re being stiched back up is not fun.
Reflecting on the last 12 months
This year has been hard. I don’t think I’ve quite sunk into postnatal depression this time around but I’ve absolutely suffered with postnatal anxiety and a huge amount of feeling overwhelmed and like I’m not coping. This has largely been affected by Felix’s delivery. Because when the c-section began I had a hole in my womb. However, the hole wasn’t where it should be so it just showed that my uterus was incredibly weak. I’ve already made the decision that I will be having a hysterectomy in the future. That’s quite hard to share.
It means that if I want more children I only have one more chance, that it would be too risky for me to labour again. I’ve cried a lot about that. Not because I wanted all of the kids but because I’ve kind of had the option removed. Now I know that sounds incredibly selfish because there are people that can’t have children or struggle with fertility for so many reasons. I am so grateful to have two children, a boy and a girl. What so many people are happy with because I have “one of each”. It means my third child would have to be born by elective c-section which I can handle but it’s just another choice out of my control.
As much as this day is very much a beautiful celebration of my baby boy and his milestones, achievements and the day I met him, it’s also a chance to reflect on the emotional and physical trauma I experienced last year bringing him into the world. But through all of that I have a now one year old boy that is loved by so many people.
How He’s Doing at 12 Months
This last month we have seen more of his personality coming through. He seems to be saying Yes a lot, nodding and shaking his head in response to things too. He says mmmm a lot to food he is enjoying and he has become such a foodie. We are trying to eat more meals together, giving him more finger foods which he mushes up a lot to Adam’s absolute delight. Mealtimes are messy times now. Felix will always try and have whatever we are having no matter what it is. The thing is we like a lot of spicy things that he cant have so having mealtimes together is certainly keeping Felix involved and off our plates a little!
He is begining to start climbing on things, mostly to try and get to the TV. He can stand against things so still needs help balancing. He will take both his hands away if he’s leaning against the sofa or coffee table to try to reach something. Felix can bash too objects together but he doesn’t clap hands. He also loves to slap his hands onto a hard surface when he’s excited and has a little wiggle. He can cruise around quickly but much prefers to crawl – he’s pretty speedy now and often gets in between your feet without you knowing!
Socially he really does have his own little chatter going on. He has a great laugh and often shouts out. He will often give me a big cuddle when I get him out of bed in the mornings or after a nap. Felix also gave me a lot of kisses on his birthday which also involved a lot of headbutts but it’s very cute. He loves to wake Evie up in the morning by going up to her room and shouting until she gets up. Felix and Evie can be really lovely when they play together but she does sometimes get in his personal space a bit which can frustrate him. We are constantly having to remind her that she needs to back off and give him some space from time to time because he doesn’t always want to be picked up.
How we celebrated his 1st Birthday
We took him to Legoland for the day. Evie had an inset day from school and we took Adam’s mum with us too. As it was his birthday Felix got a badge and his name up on the Birthday board which was really sweet. Now he didn’t really do much at Legoland but I am not a party throwing mum. I think a day out is much nicer and he got to go on a train ride and see lots of things. Obviously places like Legoland will be much better as he gets older and can toddle around a bit.
It was hard having a baby and having to queue just because you have to leave the pushchair and he’s pretty heavy. Evie could toddle about by the time she was one so there was always the option to put her down but Felix isnt there just yet. Mostly Felix celebrated by having a nice long sleep through the pirate show and most of our lunch! He was very snug and warm. He also really enjoyed the Atlantis adventure and seeing all the fish.
We had to dress him up of course!
We didn’t go mad on gifts this year but asked family to help us buy him a new car seat as he’s outgrowing his and I want to keep him rear facing for as long as possible. We did get him a few new winter jumpers though as it’s getting colder and a firetruck push along thing. We also got him a Hey Duggee musical toy because he loves Hey Duggee. My mum got him a very cute set of Fox PJ’s and dressing gown alongside a wooden train which he likes to take apart. I believe he has some bath toys coming from his Auntie Tin Tin too.
It’s hard to believe just how fast this year has gone and how many more milestones he will reach between one and two. Having a one year old doesn’t really feel like having a baby anymore. We have bought our last box of formula and will be hoping to move over to milk for his drinks. No more bottle sterlising either. He can suck up fruit purees and yoghurts through pouches now which just increases his self feeding ability and makes us a little redundant.