Forgotten

What I fear the most is that one day I will be forgotten
One day, all these late night conversations will become whispers that gradually fade to nostalgic echo
The impassioned speeches, the quiet rage of injustices, sheltered secret thoughts of vulnerabilities and fears will be a treasured memory of a time I once had

Now your voice, your laughter, is recalled true so every time we speak it’s comforting; familiar
Is mine the same for you?
One day will my voice dull in your memory, covered and muffled by the heavy lullaby of time and distance

Will you remember fleeting moments of seeking comforting encouragement from each other?
In finding solace in confiding things with no fear of judgement, the unremarkable details of favourite characters, colours, cakes…

I want to be in the moment but I am tormented by the future where I mourn companionship that is not lost to me yet
Will the grief be an all consuming crash, a soul ache that stings with each rip and tear as I remember you, because you are everywhere now
Mundane moments where I see or hear things that make me think of you

I am frightened of this loss and I am frightened of being forgotten
More than anything else I am frightened of all the words not spoke
Because after all is said and done, all I wanted you to remember is that you were loved

And I wanted to love you violently
Loudly
Doubtlessly
But I couldn’t, so I loved you painfully
Quietly
Unrequitedly

One day I fear if I told you this, I would be rapidly encouraging that loss I already mourn for
And if that day comes, please remember me and all the things we did with fondness
And I will mourn what was, what could have been and what will never be
But I will remember you
I hope you will remember me