Candyfloss & Dreams

Author: Kat Candyfloss

1 in 3 Women Will Experience Light Bladder Weakness

Did that statistic punch you in the face? It did for me. Then when I went on to hear that light bladder weakness is more common than hayfever…I was just blown away. That’s a lot of people, because honestly, everyone I know suffers with hayfever. Last weekend, I attended a fantastic event hosted by #LightsbyTENA in an effort to raise awareness of the brand and to pass on their #FeelFresh message.

Firstly, I have to say the event was incredibly well organised and a fantastic afternoon with some other wonderful bloggers. It was lovely to meet and speak with Jade from Raising the Rings, Joanne from Opposable Thumbs, Sally from SallyAkins.com and Emma from EmmaVictoriaStokes.com. Toegether, surrounded by champane and beautiful flowers we enjoyed nattering away and a delicious brunch at the beautiful Haymarket Hotel in London.

Raising awareness for light bladder weakness is so important and TENA want to speak to women that may have experienced this because they have a great product for them. They are looking to establish a difference and segregate from the thicker TENA lady products because this isn’t about incontinence. It’s more about as we get a bit older, have kids, drink more and our collagen levels deplete, our bladder and pelvic floor weakens. It’s a pretty natural and normal, but not very glamorous part of getting older, becoming a parent and just well, being human. In most cases, it’s usually nothing to worry about, but if you are worried you should always speak to your GP. After all, you won’t be the first woman to ask ‘is this normal’ and you’ll never be the last woman either.

My question is if this is so common then why don’t we talk about it more often? We talk in a joking way about having a weaker bladder after having kids but it’s still very hush hush. Why? Because it’s a bit gross? We’re women, all we do is gross. We clean everything off our kids, we are happy to talk about our periods and our birth stories but we’re not happy to confide seriously in a friend or a GP about light bladder weakness. We love feeling fresh, we fill our home with beautiful flowers and scent up with gorgeous perfumes and TENA lights have really put a lot of thought into their award winning liner of which they are offering a money back guarantee for you to try their lights product, and if it doesn’t make you feel fresh, you’ll get your money back. I think it’s great that they’re so confident in their product that they’re willing to offer this to their customers. (#FeelFresh or it’s FREE available until 30/6/2017) You can find full T&C’s on their site. I found the below infographic really informative and gave some top tips on how to improve the strength of your bladder and keep light bladder weakness at a distance.

Strengthening our pelvic floor is really helpful for bladder control and it’s so important to do them regularly, especially during and after pregnancy.

After learning more about the Lights by TENA range we moved on to a perfume masterclass which was so much fun. I loved creating a signature scent and I was really surprised by some of the scents I really liked. I’m really happy with the little fragrance I created which I aptly named Candyfloss Dream – it doesn’t smell of Candyfloss though, I’m just not very good at coming up with names. It was exactly what I wanted, a sensual, evening scent with spicy but sweet notes. I used seven different fragrances to create my perfume with a top note of Orange, heart note of Jasmine and base note of Tonka Bean. I absolutely love the fragrance and it’s much longer lasting than those I’ve bought in the past. I notice it all throughout the day and have had a few compliments on it too.

I really enjoyed my day in London with some fellow bloggers working with Lights by TENA and our beautiful flowers and fragrance to take home. They are certainly making me feel fresh. So would jumping in this glorious pool at the Haymarket Hotel…

Disclaimer: I was invited to an event hosted by Lights by TENA to discuss their feel fresh or it’s free campaign.

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February 7, 2017
A Love Story – Guest Post

When another blogger, Me Annie Bee, shared a story recently I offered to share on her behalf because of it’s sensitive nature and because I’ve already written posts about toxic relationships I knew my audience wouldn’t be too shocked to read her story. However, Me, Annie Bee feels that this is a story that needs to be shared because she, like I do, want to let others know that after a hard relationship you can move on and love life again. You can use your experience and story to help others and you can raise awareness for something that really does need to be talked about because yes, abusive relationships and marital rape still happen.

A Love Story…

They met when they were 12 & 11, they spent the summer holidays together playing down the beck and in the fields.Things that kids today don’t do.
They had a ‘double date’ to the cinema, the boys sat on an entirely different row to the girls, that’s just how it was done.
For their first, clumsy kiss he had to stand on a rock as she was just that bit taller than him.
It was a glorious summer but she was in a higher year than him at school and thought her friends would make fun of her so she ‘chucked’ him.

Years later she was in a pub when a gorgeous young man approached her, she thought he was going to ask for a cigarette, instead he reminded her who he was. She couldn’t believe this was the same boy, and she was more surprised that he was still interested in her. She considered herself fat, frumpy and ugly.
He looked like a rock star, he was confident, funny and kind.
He was WAY out of her league yet he was SMITTEN with her.
In the early days she used to have to tell him to stop looking at her so much as he was freaking her out.

From that meeting in the pub they never looked back, within a year they were engaged and living together. They had a lot of ups and downs, they had financial hardships and split up a couple of times. She had never been happy in herself. She saw nothing but flaws in how she was and how she looked. She had always been overweight. She never truly understood why he chose her but knew she should be grateful, after all, no one else would want her. She didn’t think other people could understand why they were together either, friends saw him as funny and laid back, the kind of guy you wanted to hang around with. They saw her as moody, uptight and a bit of a bitch, she was just wondering how bills were going to get paid and fretting that one day he’d realise that she was a fat old bore.
They managed to get through it and 8 years later they got married.

The perfect love story right?

Around this time she met new friends outside of the bubble they lived in. These friends turned out to be the most important friends a girl could, no, should have. They taught her to like herself a bit more, they encouraged her to be the best she could be. She grew more confident, fun and independent. She loved him and their relationship but she realised that she needed more than just him and their shared friends and interests. For her to like herself she had to be herself. This didn’t mean going their separate ways, it meant just doing some things apart from one another. She needed to breathe a bit, their relationship could only improve if she were happier with herself.

One night, while they were in bed, he rolled over tried to instigate sex, she was tired, she wasn’t up for it, she told him. He got grumpy with her and turned his back on her.
She thought it odd, then thought maybe it was normal. Maybe all men behave like that when rejected.
The next day he was grumpy with her still, at bedtime he tried it on again, she said no. He’d been in a shit mood all day and so she wasn’t feeling in a place to want to have sex with him. He was grumpy again, this time she turned her back on him. He gave her a cuddle, she thought he’d realised he’d been an idiot.
Then he tried it on again.

She said no.
He did it any way.
There was no struggling.
There was no fighting.
He finished and said “See you wanted to really”.
She said “No, really I didn’t”
She got up and went to the spare room.
After a while he followed, he was so very sorry. He had misunderstood and thought she had changed her mind. It would never happen again he promised.

It did.

Sometimes she would cry.
Sometimes she would just lay there.
Every time he would tell her she wanted to really.
One time he told her she might as well say yes.
Every time he would tell her he was sorry afterwards.
Sometimes he would cry.

She was confused, so confused.
She loved him so much.
She didn’t want to upset him, he might leave her.
Maybe she did want it really.
Was it that really that big a deal?
Why couldn’t she just lay there and let him do what he had to do?
If he were a stranger it would be rape wouldn’t it?
Who would she even talk to about it?
What would she say?
Is it even a problem if you love and are married to the person?
Was she just a bit frigid?
Is he confused because sometimes she wants to have sex and sometimes she doesn’t?
He only did it because he loved her.
If he did love her why would he do it?
If she told someone he might get in trouble.
She was probably making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Although it was never ‘aggressive’ (rape on the TV is always aggressive) she was a bit scared.
She was scared to kiss him or cuddle him in case he took that as a sign she wanted to have sex when she didn’t and then she would have to endure it again.
She spoke to a friend of theirs, one who was a bit of a earth mother, feminist hippy type (which is a fantastic type to be).
“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s your husband”.
Well that answered her question, if this friend didn’t see it as a big deal then no one would.
There was no point in fretting about it further.
She would just have to carry on.
She did for a while, but then the relationship came to an end.
Not because of that, more because he was a complete dickhead who behaved like a petulant child.

Over the years she went over and over it all in her head. As she grew she became sure she wasn’t in the wrong, HE was.
She realised it for what it was, marital rape.
She truly hoped that he never did the same to any future partners.
She believed it was her attitude to herself that made him feel comfortable in treating her like that.
She believed that it was his insecurities that made him behave so terribly.
She never let it define her, she went through some tough times and she punished herself for how he made her feel but she brushed herself off and decided she wasn’t going to be a victim.

She is ‘comfortable’ with it but never speaks of it.
She doesn’t want others to think she is attention seeking.
She doesn’t want others to feel uncomfortable.
She knows a lot people wouldn’t understand, she still doesn’t really understand.

Now she quietly feels empowered by her personal response to it.

She knows it may make others feel awkward but it is her life, she owns that and the right to talk about it.
If only to make one other person who may be in that situation know that it’s not OK and they don’t have to put up with it.
If only to let one other person know that if you speak about it, it WILL be taken seriously. If only to let one other person know it’s not their fault.

Written By – Me, Annie Be
I am a Mum of two, a sassy, super clever 6 year old, Aoife, and a ‘full of beans’, excitable 2 year old, Seth. Me, Annie Bee is a blog about me, a mummy and ‘long term girlfriend’ relying largely on wine and humour to cope with the joys of parenting.

You can find Anna on: http://meanniebee.com

Twitter – https://twitter.com/meanniebee

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/meanniebee

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January 10, 2017
His and Her Cottage Pie Recipe

In my attempt to waste less food, save money and get healthier I am sharing my little recipe for His and Her cottage pie. This is enough to make two yummy little pies and you can make this using a slow cooker or just in a pan. Each of the ingredients can be changed or substituted to suit your tastes and it’s a meal that can be made bigger the serve the whole family.

To make two his and her cottage pies I used

200g lean steak mince
50g frozen sweet potato mash
50g frozen mash
1/4 red onion
2 garlic cloves
1 tsp Roma Italian spice mix
40g Emmantal, grated
2 tsps boursin garlic and herbs cheese
salt and pepper to taste
splash of red wine
50ml passatta
6 closed cup mushrooms
1 green chilli
2 tbls oil

Method
Slow Cooker – add mince, passata, red wine, mushrooms, onions and garlic into slow cooker for several hours. Add chilli twenty minutes before serving and salt and pepper to taste.

Pan – warm up the oil and lightly cook off the garlic, onions and mushrooms. Add mince and when brown add red wine, italian herbs and passata. Add chilli just before serving and stir through. Add salt and pepper to taste. I personally love the My Secret Kitchen range of herbs and spices but you can use any.

Prepare mash. I used frozen mash because I was using up leftovers in my freezer. I used two different types of mash because I like Sweet Potato and Adam doesn’t. Once heated and mashed add salt, pepper and 1 tsp boursin per portion of mash. I also added a tsp of English Mustard to Adam’s mash because he likes it.

Add mince into oven dish and spread mash over top. Sprinkle with cheese and bake or grill until cheese is melted and golden brown.

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January 6, 2017
Hostel Living: What’s It Like?

I spent ten months of my life living in a room in a hostel with my daughter who, when we moved in, was just about to turn two. Those ten months weren’t easy but looking back I needed them because I was lost at the time. There’s a lot of stigma around those that live in hostels and in my time there I felt a lot of prejudice and judgement from people I wouldn’t expect, from strangers in the street even, but I also met some really wonderful people during my time there.

Firstly, there are a few different types of temporary accommodation. To be awarded this type of temporary living you have to have been made involuntarily homeless or have left a violent relationship and are escaping back to your hometown. You need to be able to provide connections to the town you are seeking a temporary place to live in however you may not get housed there. If there is no availability for your home town then you can be passed over to another area. They usually make you a priority on the housing list if that’s the case to get you back to your home town or close to family as quickly as possible.

Some hostels receive free fruit and veg donations to help the residents. Getting a giant onion was a winning part of life there.

Temporary housing includes youth hostels, women’s refuges, mother and baby units, family units and bed and breakfasts. These depend on the needs of the individual at the time. You don’t get a choice of where you’re placed and usually if you’ve ended a toxic relationship and need more support and help then you’ll likely be placed in a refuge which has a lot more rules than the others. My experience is that of a refuge. You will be told how likely you are to live in these places and it’s usually a minimum of six months, however the average time a person spends living in temporary accommodation is around eighteen months. Sometimes, this is longer. Be prepared that you might be in this for the long haul and yes, it will be tough.

Every hostel or refuge is different and will have access to different support. The place I lived in benefited from support workers being allocated to each family, an in-house therapist, a playworker and a monthly visit from a health visitor. As part of my condition for living there I was required to meet with my support worker each week to discuss how things were going which I actually found really helpful.

I had access to a range of support courses like The Freedom Programme and I joined a group called Young Mum’s Matter which helped me learn more about my rights as a tenant and the support I could have as a single parent. It was really nice to be around other mums, similar in age to me, that needed a bit of extra support. I also got invited to a parenting attachment course which was designed to teach about attachment parenting and bond with my daughter after a difficult time. I found this incredibly helpful and again really supportive. If you’re a newly single parent living in a hostel these courses can really, really help and for most people under 25 they’re free to attend and ran at local children centres. Some of these had a creche attached so Evie could meet and play with other children.

Our room in our hostel was pretty small and contained my whole life and everything a two year old needs too.

Hostel living is not easy and people don’t take it for a free ride to get a place to live on their own. They are usually in these places because they have no where else to go. I couldn’t return to my mums because there wasn’t any room there for me and Evie, my two younger sisters were both still living at home at this point, so this was our only alternative. I also knew that if I moved back with my mum i’d probably be living with her still now in an overcrowded environment, sleeping on the sofa which is not how I wanted life to be for Evie.

During my ten months there I had to share a small L-Shaped room with Evie. It had two single beds, two bedside cabinets, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers. I shared two bathrooms and one kitchen with four other families. There was a communal living room with a TV and freeview, communal garden and a communal playroom. There were a few other meeting rooms too and the office door was usually always open, especially in the evenings when there were less staff on duty. Living there meant we had a weekly meeting with the whole house, a fortnightly kitchen meeting for our area and chores. That meant one day a week I could clean the kitchen, another I would clean both bathrooms. This was rotated.

We had two single beds in our room. Evie’s was naturally covered in soft toys.

In the kitchen each room was allocated one cupboard, a shelf in the fridge and a freezer draw. I got on well with most of the women in my area so we often shared things like tea and coffee, we sometimes had dinner together after the kids were in bed. There were a few times when we’d order in a pizza together and split the cost too which was really nice. It was a very social way of living that’s for sure but then it also made it tough if you just wanted some time alone. Each room did have a TV connection so if you had a freeview box you could get a bit of quiet there but if you had a small child with you most of the time, it’s likely the most common channel you’d watch would be CBeebies.

Sharing a kitchen was tough, particularly at meal times when you all have small children that go to bed, and therefore eat, at roughly the same time. The table usually only sat four too so it always felt like a bit of a battle. Sharing a bathroom was tough too but it was just something that you got used to really. Really, living in a hostel isn’t bad, it’s just hard sometimes and requires a bit of planning and compromise.

The hardest part about living in a hostel for me was having a curfew. This meant that no one could get outside between 10.45pm and 8am or until someone opened the office doors up to let you out. Everyone had to be pack by 10.45pm or call to let the office know where they would be staying. If I was going to be away for the weekend I needed to fill out a form and let them know where I would be and give a contact number. I also needed to say where Evie would be. This was all due to safety and became a necessary form for me when I met Adam as I choose to spend my child free weekends with him.

The hardest thing I went through was judgement from a stranger in a coffee shop. I was sitting there on my laptop using the free WiFi with Evie. I could afford to buy myself a cup of tea and a biscuit for my daughter. It wasn’t long after I’d moved back and I didn’t have many clothes. I was a bit of a mess, overweight, very bad hair colour, no makeup…I looked awful. I was trying to change the address for my bank and other online admin tasks but I was told that I was a disgrace to my daughter because I was wearing a low cut top which happened to show a scar I have on my chest. She must have thought I had my boobs out and I just lost it. After months of stress and worry and finally leaving a toxic relationship I just lost it. I told her how I was a newly single mother that had just moved 100 miles away from her home with hardly anything and that I was trying to do the best by my child. I really laid into her to be honest because I was so angry. She ended up completely shocked and apologised. She said “Well, I guess you just don’t really know someone until you ask, do you?” and I was just like “No. You Don’t. Perhaps next time you’ll ask if someone needs help rather than telling them they’re a bad example for their daughter.”
Finally being in our own flat together and having a lot more space!
Another tough time for me which is an issue when you’re living with others is sickness. If someone catches a winter bug, sickness bug or Norovirus, you’re at high risk of catching it too. There was a time when we all pretty much had it and it was awful as it just kept going around. The advice is to keep clean and keep washing your hands to prevent the virus from spreading but it does spread very quickly in these kind of environments.

My advice would be to just get in, keep to yourself if you want to and just try and get on with it. If you’re close to friends and family then try and be with them as much as possible.

Living in the hostel for ten months gave me the time I needed to become a better person, recover from years of being in an unhappy and toxic relationship, learn more about myself and during that time I met Adam who did so much for me. When I got my flat I was incredibly happy and now I still feel I needed that time in the hostel to really prepare me for living on my own.

If you or someone you know is living in a hostel or refuge then the most important thing you can offer is friendship and support. Offer to have them over for dinner, offer to have a playdate, offer to babysit for a couple of hours if they need to go to support meetings or make phone calls to sort things out like welfare, arrange to meet up for a coffee just to get them out of the place. Some hostels don’t allow visitors and it can be very lonely.

January 5, 2017
Final Fantasy XV Review

FFXV is a bloody good game and I have loved playing it for the last couple of weeks. I mean, truly loved it. Final Fantasy has always been a big part of my life as a gamer and FFXV has not let me down. This has surpassed all of my expectations and has given me hope and perhaps a little insight on what to expect with the FFVII remake. I recently played World of Final Fantasy to help pass the time a little as I have been waiting for this for such a long time.

The only think I didn’t particularly enjoy was Chapter 13 and that’s because it was full of jump scares which did get me gasping…for normal people I’m sure this would be nothing but for me…no, that wasn’t my favourite part of the game but I did admire the darker side of it. In the chapter you’re at a pretty vulnerable position for a good part of it which is tough and the second time I played it through (yes, that’s right, I’ve gone through the story twice…) I found it easier as I had actually taken time to level up a bit – rookie mistake. You need to level grind in Final Fantasy games, it makes the end game easier and saves doing it all in the post game content.

The graphics are just stunning and the world map is absolutely huge, there is so much to discover which is good because the story mode is considerably shorter than previous games. This game relies on the post game content and sidequests to fill it out which I really enjoyed. FFXV was a welcome upgrade and combined the very best of 12 and 13 for me but it went right back to the original type of gameplay I enjoyed in the earlier games. I don’t want to give too much away really but FFXV is so much better than those two games.

The story is well thought out and has plenty of emotion. The story is pretty interactive too as you can make different decisions for the characters. You play as Prince Noctis and throughout the whole game you only control him and his actions however you do have three buddies teaming up with you to help with hunts and to progress the story. I really enjoyed the story, the characters were interesting and relatable. The villians were easy to hate too and the enemies provided plenty of challenges.

Combat is very different but I actually really enjoyed it all. Each character has a set of special moves for extra damage, a bit like limit breaks which I was happy to see return and for them to be easy to use was good. The game stops you relying on summons and magic to power through too which I really liked. Summons come when they want to really after you’ve met a certain amount of criteria in a battle like being low on HP or the battle taking too long but usually their attacks are pretty devastating to whoever you’re fighting. It was great to see the classic summons return for a different interpretation. I have to say I really liked Ifrit and I hope he stays like that from now on! Bahamut did not disappoint either. Magic can have a damaging effect on your allies and react differently depending on your environment however I liked being able to craft spells. There wasn’t a huge amount of boss fights throughout the main story but the ones you come across do provide a bit of a challenge. I didn’t find any too hard though and actually I believe the dungeon bosses are harder.

The environment really impressed me and it just made me excited. If this is what they’ve done now then I can’t wait to see what future Final Fantasy games hold. I can kind of see how they will make FFVII work now I’ve played this or at least how I would like it to play out. It was the first Final Fantasy game that I’ve played where I actually felt like I was in the world. It’s hard to explain but I guess it’s because things were more to scale than they have been before and you could see so much more.

I have just been really impressed and I have loved playing FFXV and I will continue to do so as there are more trophies to get and a pretty tough enemy to slay. You can grab Final Fantasy 15 on Amazon.

December 11, 2016