this is a collaborative post
Adam and I have been together for almost eight years. That’s a long time to spend with one person. We started the relationship as a blended family and have strengthened that by having a child of our own. I’ve had the question when are you going to get married crop up more times than I can count and sometimes we’ve said oh year maybe next year or something. We’ve talked about getting married but honestly, it’s just not a priority for us. We are both from divorced parents and that has shown us that, really, marriage doesn’t mean anything because it can just be ended anyway. We just don’t see marriage as a big romantic gesture that some people do.
For some people getting married is like a goal and something that so many rush into which is why pre-engagement counselling can be really beneficial. If you’re going to commit to spending your life with one other person and building a life with them, then having an open and upfront conversation about your expectations could really help. You can read more here if you think pre-engagement couple’s therapy might be right for you and your partner.
I’ve always viewed a wedding as for everyone else’s benefit rather than the couples with people spending thousands of pounds on 12 hours. It’s just a bit insane to me and something I can’t comprehend. Each to their own of course but it’s a value both Adam and I share. We both just see marriage as a contract between two people to make each other their next of kin and provide a bit of security if one of us was to die. If we were to get married I wouldn’t be planning a wedding with other people’s enjoyment in mind and I’d begrude paying for it to be honest.
When it comes to marriage I think, because we’ve been together for such a long time and already have a family unit it would just be to solidfy that connection. I don’t expect anything to change. I won’t be changing my name, for example, as I don’t expect Adam to change his. I already have a different surname to both my children, so that isn’t really an issue, and I can define myself as Ms rather than Mrs. With no plans for a big wedding and no real significant changes it kind of takes the pressure of really. We have no need for marriage right now and if we do in the future then it will be more about celebrating our family than putting on a show.
I think Adam and I have been clear about this together from pretty early on to be honest and those kind of discussions have really helped us. I think it’s important to have these kind of conversations so you know where you stand with your significant other and it allows you to compromise about any expectations.