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The Problem with saying Violence Against Women and why #notallmen should be met with #toomanymen
The problem with violence against women is the removal of ‘male’ in a sentance that should read Male Violence Against Womxn to include cis women, trans men and women, non binary folx and basically anyone that has ever been a victim of assault because of their gender and/or sexuality. The problem with saying #notallmen is because that is nonwithstanding but victims of assualt shouldn’t have to say “OF COURSE ITS NOT ALL MEN!” – that’s obvious, but it is too many men. We are dealing with thousands of years of men growing up in a repetitive culture of believing women are second class citezins to them, that they are propriety and lets not forget that sex and gender equality are brand new laws. We’ve had laws in the UK for centuries upon centuries yet the laws for discrimination, equality and violence against women have been socialised within men since time began. There are parts of this world were non-binary is not a term used, where people are not free to define their sexuality, where they risk child marriage, clitoradectomies and genital mutilation (all because a man has decided that is how women should be). So it may not be all men, particularly in the UK where laws have changed but domestically and globally it is still too many men.

There is currently an open consultation for the home office regarding violence against women and girls. You can find a survey at the bottom of this page. Whatever your gender I ask you to fill this out. It had over 70,000 responses last Friday 12th March when it reopened. I didn’t even know it had been open before so I’m spreading the word whilst the consultation is open. It closes again on 26th March. Fill in the survery here.

The majority of violent crime is committed by men

Here in the UK the majority of all crime committed by males is 73% which is a pretty strong statistic when it comes to the #toomanymen response. Most all violent crime is committed by men (82% as of 2020). When it comes trends in relationships; violence against women 49% of the cases reported (and that’s key, because we know not all women report crime for fear or not being taking seriously) were an intimate partner. Further, a third of domestic violence cases (which doesn’t specify gender) were repeat victims which is just heartbreaking. Globally, 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence. Half of women killed worldwide are killed by their partners or family. It’s just why is this still happening and what can we do to change it? Something that really concerned me was an Amnesty report in 2005 that said ‘Women who flirt are partially responsible for being raped’ – and that is the attitude that has got to change.

Harrasment, abuse and violence women experience needs to stop.

There are many women I personally know that have felt threatened or intimidated by a man, that have walked home in the dark with their keys between their fingers. We tell girls to take self defence classes, but to also be soft and gentle and not too muscly. There is such a double standard for women all to be appeasing for a man and quite frankly it is disgusting. I myself have been assualted by a man around the corner in daylight from my home. I’ve been a victim of domestic abuse and sexual assualt. I have been discriminated against, cat called and felt unsafe. I remember once going to a club with my mum and someone not leaving me alone until my mum stepped in. It’s like, why can’t the first no mean no? Why do unsolicited dick pics get sent? Why do men automatically go to slut shaming and abuse or slurs when a women turns him down? Why aren’t women allowed to say no to male advances?

Parents have a part to play in changing the language they use and the stereotypes they fall into to help challenge perceptions such as ‘girls do this and boys do that’.

So what can we do to change the situation? I mean I don’t think it’s completely up to women to stop violence against women but we do have a part to play because women can also be passive in this argument. Firstly, as mothers we can teach our children about consent and that no means no. We can teach children about consequence and action. We can also show our children respectful, loving relationships as adult role models. This is where it gets tough though because what of the cases where domestic abuse and domestic violence exists and their are children in the household, witnessing this, and then growing up believing that ‘women should be abused’ and ‘men should be violent’ – of course this isn’t always the case and not every child born will grow up to experience toxic relationships. As I said though, it’s not just down to women, men need to do the work too. Massive changes need to happen.

Sex education needs reformation. It isn’t just about STIs. It needs to discuss sexual violence, and consent in much more detail. These are impressionable young people and all genders need their perceptions challenged so we can stop blaming girls for being victims of sexual violence.

There needs to be a reform in sexual education which discusses consent for both boys and girls in a detailed way. No means no needs to be probably reinforced in each sexual education subject. This includes personal consent and that no one has permission to touch their bodies as well as a respect for other people. Within these lessons I think we should discuss, particularly for older teenagers, statistics of sexual violence including changing perceptions on this rape culture or that ‘women are asking for it because of x y and z’. Perhaps discussing these statistics will help challenge stereotypes and help reinforce the idea of consent and actually how rape can be a lifelong source of trauma for the person. We need to stop this perception that women want sex if they flirt, dress a certain way, wear makeup, have alcohol, walk home alone at night…because the perception is not there if a man flirts, is shirtless or has alcohol. Having these inclusive conversations and trying to break down the cycle with generations to come is going to ultimately help people understand the seriousness of male violence against women.

Call out friends who jump to violent and abusive threats after being rejected by someone they have hit on.

If a male hits on someone on a night out and that person rejects them (because they are allowed to say no) then the conversation should not automatically go to abuse, slurs or violence aimed at that person because they have rejected them. Like why is it okay for a woman to reject a man and him to automatically say ‘slag’ straight away and then laugh at her with their friends. In that conversation, if you, as a man, feel uncomfortable with your male friend using this language and you stay silent you are complicent in violence against women. You need to call out these behaviours and say this isn’t acceptable. You need to tell them to stop. You need to challenge their alpha male status and tell them that their behaviour, violence and unkindess because that friend isn’t going to have sex that night needs to change. Like, it’s awful. Honestly, break it down that person had their ego scratched and their answer is to hurl abuse at the person that said ‘no thank you I do not want your penis’ is just so fundamentally stupid. It’s so basic. ‘No sex thank you’ has turned into belittlement and violence against that women like come on just brush your ego aside and use your hand again. Better yet, be a better person that makes a woman want to go home with you.

Sex in Relationships Needs Communication. Sex is not currency. Sex should not be expected.

The perception that women ‘want a bad boy’ is a load of rubbish. Women do not want to be in a violent relationship, women want to be in a respected and healthy relationship. They may want to feel protected but that doesn’t mean controlled or abused. Women may like rough sex and kinky relationships but that doesn’t mean that they deserve to be a victim of sexual assualt and violence. Women are taught that sex is taboo for them. That is about pleasing a man, and that a man finishing is the end of sex. I know this is difficult when it comes to sex education but kids should be taught that both men and women masturbate. That sex needs foreplay. That sex is about intimacy between two people, and that it is not a currency in a relationship. It should be consentual, discussed, communicated and never, ever expected from a loving partner. It doesn’t matter if you have been in a relationship for one month or twenty years, you always ask for consent explicitly. You always wait for the yes to go ahead. You always communicate and if you are exploring something new you need to ask if it’s okay. We need to talk about sex more so that consent is within our bones and so that women don’t feel that they owe it to a man and men stop treating women as sexual objects.

An investigation by UN Women UK found that 97% of women aged 18-24 have been sexually harassed, with a further 96% not reporting those situations because of the belief that it would not change anything
https://www.openaccessgovernment.org/97-of-women-in-the-uk/105940/

No matter what you believe women do not feel safe here in the UK or globally. Women are told to do all these things to prevent violence against them but it still happens.

We can’t segerate men and women, that would be entirely backwards. It’s not solving the problem. It’s essentially saying men can’t control when they need and want to commit violent crime against women so they answer is to remove women from sight and it won’t happen. Of course it will. These crimes are committed because it’s a power thing. It’s about wanting to intimidate someone that is seen as inferior to the criminal. Women, non-binary, transmen, transwomen, and even young, softer men are at risk and should absolutely be protected. However, it’s the alpha male, toxic masculinity that needs to go alongside these perceptions we have that encourage us to blame the female victim of a violent crime.

Things that need to change: A Summary List
- Adult role models in respectful relationships challenging gender stereotypes and challenging their own perceptions so children and young people come to see their parents as equal people.
- A complete reform in sexual education taught at year 5 and year 10 in school. The younger focusing on bodily consent for boys and girls, the biological changes a body goes through, education on LGTBQTIA+ and what that means. Telling children that no one has permission to touch their bodies without their consent and that they also need to keep their hands to themselves. In year 10, focusing on consent again but alongside violence against women, challenging perceptions that what they see isn’t real life ie. pornographic images so that men don’t expect that kind of sexual behaviour and that women don’t feel they have to be that way.
- Challenging sexism in the workplace and calling out friends that use aggressive language to insult women or continous sexist jokes. We need to stop thinking it’s a funny issue. Sexism isn’t funny.
- The worst thing you can do is stay silent. If you are scared of telling your friend to stop saying something because of how they will react then you need to question why you are friends with that person.
- Ask before you sent intimate pictures to someone you don’t know and respect their answer. In fact, maybe don’t randomly message women and girls you don’t know on social media. Leave that to the dating apps and even when you do you still need consent.
- Stop saying #notallmen like we don’t know what we are talking about. Instead, be that not all men and challenge these perceptions to your fellow man.
- Learn about feminism. Educate yourselves. Read women’s stories about violence against them.
Sources of Information
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/thenatureofviolentcrimeinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/statistics-sexual-violence/
https://www.openaccessgovernment.org/97-of-women-in-the-uk/105940/
https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/violence-against-women-and-girls-vawg-call-for-evidence
March 16, 2021
Why Greek Mythology makes me want to visit Greece

Ad – This is a collaborative post.

Greece has always been one of those destinations I’ve been itching to travel to. As a child when I began learning about Greek mythology I slowly became obsessed with the Greek Dieties, myths and legends. In college I choose Ancient History as one of my topics to study and learning of the battles and philosophers to come from Greece just kept inspiring me. As an adult I find myself gravitating to stories and retellings based on these myths. I am eager to travel there and visit these places that still have structures and buildings of ancient times. To walk on the ground where these myths are said to have taken place would be extraordinary. I did have the opportunity to visit a few years ago and stay on the island of Zakynthos with my family but shortly after booking found out I was pregnant and I would be too far in my pregnancy to travel.

Where to go in Greece

For me, the obvious choice is, and has always been the island of Crete. It’s been somewhere I have wanted to visit for years. The weather in Crete is supposed to be quite pleasent in the summer months making it an ideal choice for a sunny family holiday. For me, I just think seeing these old ancient structures and feeling like part of the land and walking through history would be a little nicer to do in the summer half of the year rather than the cooler, wintery time, although I wouldn’t rule out travelling to Crete in October. I feel like it’s a great place to start when searching for the myths and legends of ancient Greece as Crete was where King Minos had his Labyrinth where Theseus used his golden thread to find the centre, fight the mintoar, and escape. The Minoan Palace or Palace of Knossos can be find on Crete and to walk among these ruins would just be amazing. Another location drenched in mythology on the island of Crete is Mount Ida. Here it is said that Rhea hid Zeus in a cave away from the titan Chronos (because he kept eating his kids!) to grow up unscathed and unharmed, eventually to overthrow his titan parents and form the pantheon of Gods we know today. How amazing to step into a place where the king of the Gods was thought to grow up.

Delos was a sacred island to the Gods and would be an ideal place for those wanting to travel to these fantastical locations. Delos is said to be the twin deities Artemis and Apollo’s birthplace. There are old ancient temple ruins around the island where the people of Greece used to visit to worship the pantheon. Another place that would be amazing to visit is the Archeron RIver which just looks abasolutely stunning. It is located within Epirus and is said to be the river that borders the underworld. The Archeron river itself, one of five rivers within Hades’ realm, also thought to be the River of Woe to lead spirits into the underworld. There was apparently an ancient temple dedicated to the worship of Hades and Persephone, known as a Nekromanteion, along the border of the river and said to be the entrance into the underworld itself.

For fans of the legend of Achilles Aegina is an interesting destination. Achilles had a fearsome group of soldiers known as the Myrmidons are said to orginate from this island. They were incredibly strong and loyal to their leader and Achilles’ links to the island, and it’s people, comes from his father Peleus who was banished from the island of Aegina. Some of these soldiers followed him and stayed with him, and then his son for the Trojan war. You can also visit the supposed home of the Gods in Greece, Mount Olympus. It’s the highest peak in the country and offers ideal locations for hiking and glorious scenic views. The ancient city-state of Thebes is another location that exists today, although now known as Thiva, it is said to be the birth place of Herakles and the party all night form a cult kinda God Dionysus.

Two other islands within Greece are ideal destinations for sunny holiday lovers and myth hunters alike. These are Papthos, on Cyprus, which legend claims is where Aphrodite first walked when she rose from the sea in a scallop shell. I only ever see that famous painting when I think of Aprhodite, the Goddess of all things Love and Beauty. It’s absolutely a place I would love to visit and spend a few glorious, sunny weeks swimming and travelling around. I’d love to visit the remains of her ancient temple on the island of Paphos. The other island I’d love to visit with links to Mythology is Corfu which was named after another Nymph, Korkya. There are just so many beautiful places around Greece with these wonderful ruins that I think I would find interesting and inspiring on my hunt for mythological sites.

March 12, 2021
The Flatshare: On No, There’s Only One Bed and They’ve Never Met! Funny, Contemporary Romance Review

The Flat Share is a contemporary romantic read by Beth O’Leary. I’ve recently listened to the audio of the book and wanted to share my thoughts in this book review.
The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary

Content Warnings: Domestic Abuse, Toxic Relationship, Gaslighting.

I recently used one of my Audible credits on The Flatshare. Contemporary reads aren’t usually my go to but I do enjoy them from time to time. I’ve seen this one recommended on Bookstagram a few times and have been curious about. The audio is dual narrated by Carrie Hope Fletcher and Kwaku Fortune.

I rated The Flatshare 5 stars.

Basic Synopsis of The Flatshare

The Flatshare is a contemporary romance read in dual narrative; Leon and Tiffy. Leon needs money, Tiffy needs somewhere to live. She responds to an add to share a flat with someone for cheap rent and bills in London. It’s a slow burn read as the two have issues with ex relationships and it takes them around five months or so to actually meet and cross baths and when they do it’s hilarious!

Review of The Flatshare

There was so much I loved about this story and I now want to read more from this Author. I found myself nodding along to a lot of this and I really loved Tiffy and Leon. The concept of the book is really interesting too. Tiffy and Leon share a flat, a bed yet they’ve never met. One has the flat during the day and the other during the night and weekends. It had that sort of feeling of ships passing when you’re in a relationship, sharing a space but almost living seperate lives. It took me a while to get around to listening to this but I really enjoyed it. Tiffy works as a publisher for a small company that specialise in eccentric diy books and Leon is a palliative care nurse. The side characters really add a compelling plot which really brings them all together in the very last chapter. I loved it.

What I really loved about this romance was the fact that neither of the characters was trying to push the other into commiting to anything. I also loved that despite the abuse Tiffy faced with her ex she was healing in this book. It really dismantled a lot of tropes in that way. Tiffy isn’t a typical girl but she doesn’t become this perfect female, she isn’t the trope ‘not like other girls’ because she’s really relatable and interesting. She has lovely friends which was brilliant to read.

Leon is the good guy that you want to win. He’s kind and thoughtful and introverted and he recognises the signs of an abusive ex but he doesn’t push Tiffy to do anything she isn’t ready to. He doesn’t advise her, he just listens, comforts, and asks what she wants. He is so respectful of Tiffy’s boundaries which is amazing. Both characters had a bit of fear getting into something new so the build up was full of tension and anxious but ultimately it was the respect of each other, the mutal fear and for once, in the end, talking to each other that made this romance work so well.

There were moments where I thought the plot would go in a completely different direction but didn’t and I loved that I was unexpected and didn’t end the book in tears. There was enough drama to keep me going but ultimately it was actually just a really lovely read. I have to give a special mention to Rachel who had some of the funniest moments in the book as well as some ball of rage moments. He castle dance and double thumbs up reminded me a lot of how I would react to certain conversations.

January 29, 2021
11 Amazing Books I Am Eagerly Anticipating Reading in 2021

A list of eleven books arriving to bookstores and doorsteps in 2021 that I just can’t wait to read.
So many books, so little time. There are so many amazing books coming out this year that I can’t wait to read. They will no doubt make it onto my 2021 reading challenge of 80 books as many of them are preorders. I wanted to share 11 books I can’t wait to read in 2021. Will you be reading alongside me?

A Vow So Bold and Deadly

The final of the cursebreaker books. I am really excited to see how this trilogy will come to an end. I really can not call it but I know in A Heart so Fierce and Broken I was firmly on the side of Grey. I still like Harper and I can’t see her wanting to fight in this upcoming war so I’m really looking forward to seeing the end.

A series of books I love that is continuing: A Court of Silver Flames

I can not wait to get back into the world of A Court of Thorns and Roses which is one of my favourite series. I love these books and I’m so intrigued to get into Nesta’s head and see how she recovers from her trauma and kind of comes into her own. Some of the teasers I’ve seen have been so interesting so getting back into this world is just going to be amazing. I’ve ordered the Illumicrate mini box with the book, dust jackets and enamel pin. I probably own the most editions of this series as I have the audio books, the paperbacks with the new covers, the ebooks and the hardbacks with the new covers on order. I’ve also got a preorder of A Court of Silver Flames on order that’s been signed and includes a bonus Feysand chapter too.

The Crown of Gilded Bones

I loved From Blood and Ash and it’s sequel so knowing the next book is just around the corner is so exciting. Poppy and Hawke have quickly become one of my favourite literary couples in books. I love them together and I’m so interested to see what is in store next after THAT ending of A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire. I am currently saving up to buy the Illumicrate Collections box which I am super excited for as that will have From Blood and Ash merchandise as well as the Fairyloot special editions which will have the first three books and then a matching edition of the fourth at a later date.

Nameless

This one isn’t top of my list of reads but I am really interested in what will happen next after the events of Fable. The relationship aspect came so late into the story I kind of didn’t see it coming. Fable was one of those books that wasn’t quite what I was expecting and whilst it wasn’t one of my favourites, it’s a sequel I’m hoping will deliver. You can buy the first book in the series below.

Bone Criers Dawn – a fairyloot sequel special edition I’ve ordered

Bone Criers Moon was one of those underatted reads for 2020 for me that I really enjoyed but didn’t quite make it into my favourites. I feel like it ended far too soon and I can’t wait for the next part in the story. I’m so intrigued to find out what will happen next.

Witchshadow: The perfect blend between YA and NA can be found in the Witchlands books by Susan Dennard

This is my most anticipated read of 2021. I absolutely love The Witchlands books and I think I’ll do a full on review of them when I reread them before I hear Iseult’s story. It’s such a well thought out world with a diverse range of characters and I have loved every book so far. I still need to read the Sightwitch novella. It’s fundamentally a book about sisterhood against the odds with some enemies to lovers romance and such a well done intricate magic system. I need to write about this series.

Broken Web

This is the second book in the Shamonborn series following Forest of Souls. This was a twisty turny book that kept me guessing at every moment. I’m really interested to know what will happen next. This one has cool magic and dragons but also a lot of spiders.

Gods and Monsters: A Series of books I can’t wait to finish

The third and final book in the Serpent & Dove trilogy. After that ending with Blood & Honey I can not wait to see what happens next. I love Lou and Reid and I’m desperately hoping for a happy ending for them.

Once Upon a Broken Heart

The Caraval books are another of my favourite series. They’re just so perfectly magical. Once Upon a Broken Heart is set in the same world but focusing on Jacks, The Prince of Hearts and new character Evangeline (It is always strange seeing my daughter’s name in books!). I have my edition preordered already but if anyone does a special edition box I will be all over it.

Crescent City 2

After the first book House of Earth and Blood I am really intrigued to see what will happen next. Crescent City was such an interesting read bringing all kinds of magical creatures together and a murder mystery. I don’t know if we’re going to get another switcharoo relationship as is typical of Maas’ previous books. I would love to see a collectors box of this one come into play. I am hoping the book boxes allowed to do something with A Court of Silver Flames will allow this to happen if all goes well!

Kingdom of the Cursed

Kingfom of the Wicked was an absolutely excellent book. I loved every second of it even though it made me super hungry. The first book was one of my favourites of the year and I really want to know what is going to happen next.

Kingdom of the Wicked was one of my favourite books of 2020

January 27, 2021
The Best Books I Read in 2020 – My Favourite Reads

Here is a list of my favourite reads from 2020 and exactly what it was I loved about them.
My Favourite Reads from 2020 and Where to Find Them

It’s been really hard to narrow down my absolute favourite reads from last year but I think I’ve picked a really good bunch. It would have been even easier to know what my favourite reads were if I’d written them down somewhere. I ended up reading 70 books in 2020 and beat my reading challenge. This year I am going to actually write down my favourite books of every month so that this list feels more complete.

Favourite Reads: The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

One of my favourite reads last year was the Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden. I loved this Russian folklore inspired story and found the character of Vasya enchanting. It is a really magical tale but in a very sublte way. The writing is superb and the level of detail makes this a slow paced read perfect for wintery rainy days. I found it took me a little longer than normal to read because it’s very descriptive but the ending of each book really packs a punch. Affiliate Link for The Bear and the Nightingale.

I loved the whole of the Winternight Trilogy. The Bear and the Nightingale was book one in the series and absolutely enchanting.

Favourite Reads: Standalone – The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levensellar

The Shadows Between us was a great read for me and I reviewed it earlier in the year. This was a short read that I loved. Perfect for those that love Enemies to Lovers. It has amazing fashion, good romance and a pretty intriguing plot. It’s a standalone book where both the protagonist and love interest are morally grey characters with murder on their minds.

Crescent City: House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J Maas

I couldn’t write a favourite reads blog post without including an autobuy author. I loved Crescent City and I am eagerly anticipating the sequel which is supposed to be coming out towards the end of 2021. I wrote a full review on Crescent City: House of Earth and Blood earlier in the year just after reading. I laughed, cried, swooned throughout. I did struggle with the pacing at the start of the book but by the end I was enthralled.

Crescent City: House of Earth and Blood is the start of the new series from Sarah J Maas and one of my favourite reads in 2020

Aurora Burning by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Now I usually love my fantasy; it’s my go-to but sometimes a bit of SciFi really helps me feel fresh about reading. Another of my favourite reads of 2020 was Aurora Burning. Now, this is actually book two – and book one is great, but the second is my favourite because of the line “I am not feeling nothing” from the legendary Zila. I really can not wait for book three in this series.

Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

When I first signed up to Fairyloot & Illumicrate in January 2020 one of the big announcements was a special edition box of Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare. At this point I hadn’t read a Shadowhunters book but I have seen the netflix show. I impulsed bought this and then read, very quickly, The Infernal Devices in time for Chain of Gold. I ended up not reading it until July but it was evidently one of my favourite reads of 2020. I absolutely adore Cordelia Carstairs and her story. I think I am team Carstairs overall because I loved Jem, and I love Emma in the dark artifices too. Anna Lightwood is another fabulous character and I think it’s the character driven story that really made me love Chain of Gold.

The Court of Miracles by Kester Grant

This was a really suprising read for me as the concept was so interesting and actually kind of dark too. It’s a Les Miserables retelling focusing on the underground guilds of revolutionary Paris. It was so interesting and I found the main character, Cat, a little on the morally grey side but she’s dealing with some pretty nasty people in order to suvive. It was a great story. The Court of Miracles affiliate link.

A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire by Jennifer L Armentrout

From Blood and Ash and it’s sequel, A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire, were amazing reads of 2020. I am now on the hunt for all the things so I’m thrilled that both Fairyloot and Illumicrate are doing special editions. I am absolutely getting both because I think this is in the running to be one of my favourite fantasy romance series. I love Poppy and Hawke. they are forever on pair with my ultimate ship Feysand. These are big books, sizzling smutty romance, character growth and amazing battle scenes. I love the worldbuiling. I want all of the books.

Kingdom of the Wicked by Kerri Maniscalo

Lastly I’m ending my list of favourite reads of 2020 with Kingdom of the Wicked. This book will make you hungry for pasta like never before. I loved the magic and the way the seven deadly sins are portrayed as princes of hell. It was action packed and intriguing and I still don’t know what to expect for the next book Kingdom of the Cursed. You can buy Kingdom of the Wicked on Amazon with my affiliate link.

January 19, 2021