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Heating The Home This Autumn

Heating the home during autumn usually means increasing your monthly budget to cope with rising energy costs. As a low income family and one that relies heavily on student finance to get us through each semester whilst Adam is studying, we really need to do everything we can to stick to our budget. I am already feeling the cold in the mornings when I wake up and now we’ve brought home a newborn baby so maintaining a warm temperature through autumn and into the winter months is high on our list of priorities. Finding the most cost-effective way to do so though, is a challenge.

Some families choose to do this by installing central heating pumps, which is an effective and efficient way of heating the home. A pump helps circulate hot water around the home rapidly, from the boiler to the radiators. This helps keep the home warm without breaking the bank.

Heating The Home Effectively

Using a central heating pump is an effective method of heating the home but it isn’t always an option for all households. We have night storage heaters and we only have one energy bill to worry about however we do notice a significant weekly increase when it gets colder. As we use electric when it comes to heating our home, like other families do, there is an option to get a smart meter installed, which helps record the exact amount of energy we use. There are also plenty of apps available that help you keep track of how much you’re spending and even how to cut down on this amount.

When it comes to heating the home we try to limit which heaters we turn on. I usually start with turning on the one in the hallway as that is the one that makes the biggest difference in the morning. It’s much nicer walking out of the bedroom into an already warm hallway. Often, the heat has had time to warm the other rooms too. Luckily, living in a flat, it doesn’t take long to warm up and this helps us keep the costs down. We also make use of a halogen heater for the living room. Keeping the living room door closed, and turning this on for just a small amount of time, heats up our living room very quickly. Ideally, I try to find ways of heating the home that are also energy-efficient.

I find using a slow cooker rather than our oven a great way to save a money and energy whilst heating our home. Plus, there is nothing better than smelling a delicious stew or soup cooking throughout the day, especially if I can dip into it a few times during the day! Hot food really makes a difference in keeping me warm. I am also a fan of all things soft and fluffy so we have plenty of throws and blankets to use. I use these in the living room to cosy up on the sofa with the kids or to put a few extra layers on the bed at night. I am a big fan of layers of clothing too. Big, warm fluffy socks and a soft dressing gown after a hot bath can make a huge difference in keeping us all warm at the end of a cold day.

So there you have it, a few money-saving methods of heating the home that I like to use. How do heat your home while keeping costs down?

October 24, 2018
Breastfeeding Just Hasn’t Worked Out

Breastfeeding hasn’t worked for us.

I think we all prepare for pregnancy with the absolute best intentions, wants and wishes for our baby and that always means making informed decisions on how we will parent. I really wanted to breastfeed Felix. I managed ten weeks with my daughter and I really wanted to get past that stage with Felix because it was going to be great for him, good for me and, best of all, free. I got the clothes, the pumps to help, stuff to boost my supply…everything you can think of to get me off to a good start with feeding my baby but actually, nothing prepares you when the circumstances are against you and so, it’s with quite a lot of sadness that we have stopped breastfeeding and moved over to bottle feeding with formula. I felt incredibly guilty whilst I was making that decision although he has had a few good feeds from me, which I’m really happy with, and I wish it had been longer.

Breastfeeding is not easy

I think the first thing that was against me was my blood loss during my c-section. It left me feeling incredibly weak and drained and the lack of blood and fluid in my body, despite the absolute gallons of water I was drinking, the iron tablets when I came home and all the breastmilk boosting teas, foods, vitamins my milk just didn’t come in. My boobs didn’t ‘fill up’ as they did with my daughter and whilst there was clearly stuff there from hand expressing and some pumping there just wasn’t enough stuff to satisfy my son. The support I had in hospital was fantastic, they really tried everything with me but I have to say the equipment I had – big boobs, lack of mobility and “soft” (I was told at hospital) nipples it just seemed like a combination of things that I couldn’t really battle against.

The exhaustion was also holding me back. I knew I needed to sleep to recover with the blood loss but I was knackered after well over 30 hours of being awake from labour and then that weird adrenaline baby gaze buzz you have after. Adam had gone home to get some sleep and the midwives in recovery were amazing and helped me with everything as I was waiting for the spinal block to wear off. I feel like I’ve now caught up on sleep but I’m still tired because you just are with a newborn, because sleep is broken through the night and when you have an older child “sleeping when the baby sleeps” just isn’t really possible. Especially when you fall asleep on the sofa and they keep waking you up because they want a hug, or a drink, or a snack, or have a question, or want to watch TV, or want to go to the shop…it’s very hard to get in rest when you have a family.

I was totally overwhelmed with Adam going back to University and Work, he starts his first shift tonight at his new job and will be working from 11pm-7am for four nights, then have four nights at home. I was starting to get really worried about how I would physically and mentally cope with such a big lack of sleep whilst I was still recovering from my c-section and so soon after the birth. I hate that dads only get two weeks off as paternity leave. No wonder so many breastfeeding mums decide not to continue because the sheer pressure of doing it all on your own is really hard. I felt that actually, the more routine of bottle feeding – despite doing it on demand, would hopefully work a lot better with the school run in the morning. I have to leave the house at 8am to get my daughter to school for 8.40am, and then it’s a good twenty minute walk back, longer at the moment with a pram and whilst I’m still building my stamina up. I am hoping that we can get into the routine of a 6.30am breakfast and then when we’re back at 9.15am we can get another bottle ready.

But despite all this, and despite the fact that actually I feel we’ve made the right decision to stop breastfeeding because the evenings Adam is here, and during his nights off, he can help with a few night time wake ups which allows me the time to recover. I no longer feel like I won’t be able to cope or scared of being home during the night alone. I know longer feel like I’m completely ignoring my daughter to meet my sons needs. The guilt is still strong and I am still really sad. Having a baby brings about so many hormones and changes, having a c-section can make you feel guilty for not doing it properly. so I’ve cried some tears over it. I’ve been reasurred by the health visitor who said it is okay to feel sad about it and to feel like I’ve missed out but actually we still get lots of lovely snuggles and bonding time and that actually he really isn’t fussed because he’s fed and sleeping and clean. I still feel guilty. I feel like I’ve let myself and my son down a little bit for not persevering. I do feel like I could have tried a bit harder but then I think if I had I’d be struggling more emotionally with feeling so overwhelmed and I know I wouldn’t have been able to take care of myself as much recovery wise if I had stuck with it.

Breastfeeding or bottle feeding: Make an informed decision and go with it

I have always believed in making informed decisions based on what is best for the big picture; for the whole family, but most of all I am an advocate of fed is best. Not because it’s the bare minimum, because I know breastmilk is best for babies, and because all of us just want our babies fed regardless. But I think fed is best stands for that bigger picture, for a mother and baby’s post natal well being and because we all just want to be the best parents we can be. For me, that means being tired but functioning and mentally well for both of my children, and my partner, who has just witnessed me going through major surgery to bring his son into the world, become a father and is now coping with University work and a new job. He has a lot on his plate, and the last thing he needs is a girlfriend that isn’t coping with her mental health.

No matter how you feed your baby, you are doing the best job, you are doing the right thing and you have made the best decision for you. You, your mental health and your well being is just as vital and important because that is what will help you cope with the transition into motherhood.

October 21, 2018
The Positive Birth Story of Felix

I wanted to write my birth story fairly early whilst I still remember most of the details.

The plan: High BMI VBAC at Home
The Result: Unplanned C-Section

I’m glad to finally be able to share my birth story with you and the birth of my second child. What I have learned is that a positive experience does not always mean one that goes to plan, but that from the experience – that takes time to process, and will take more time in the case of the birth of my son, you feel positive. I can not fault the care I received during labour, delivery and post natal whilst at Basingstoke hospital. I have felt listened to, respected, cared for and most importantly completely supported and looked after thanks to the Hampshire Hospitals maternity team.

My beautiful son was born at 8.46pm and delivered by a second unplanned cesarean section weighing 9lbs9oz at 40+13 weeks. He arrived into the world with shocks and surprised at his size on Thursday 4th October after a pretty lengthy labour. This was kicked off with a cervical sweep at 12noon on Wednesday 3rd October, with tightenings and a bit of a show from 3pm. I was booked in for 9.30am the next day to my hospital to have my waters broken if things had not progressed. I am so pleased, and proud of myself, that they did. I called my wonderful Doula around 10pm who helped me set up the environment in the living room with tea lights. I was using my birthing ball and keeping hydrated. I got a couple of hours sleep to try and conserve my energy a bit and made great use of up breathing and my Babycare TENS machine. By around 8.30am I was struggling a little and wanted some more pain relief so we went in to hospital for 9.30am as expected and I was taken straight to a delivery room.

C-Section Recovery: Just after surgery losing 1.5 litres of blood, very dosed up with a very alert baby boy!

I was introduced to my midwife and student midwife who would be looking after me and I accepted an examination to find I had got to three cm and full effacement so I requested to wait to break my waters and the midwives were happy with that. I also accepted a CTG trace for 30 minutes whilst bouncing on the ball as I was hoping for a VBAC and due to my size it was a bit of a challenge getting a good read on my baby’s heart rate. After the trace the midwives were happy to resume intermittent monitoring for the rest of my labour. After 4 hours I accepted another examination and I was found at 4cm. Things had not progressed as quickly as I would have liked and so I accepted having my waters broken to try and help things along a little bit. Once this was done things began to get a little intense for me.

Up until this point my labour had been everything I wanted however eventually I was struggling to differentiate between the contractions and I wasn’t actually noticing any breaks or dips in the pain. I was saying I couldn’t cope anymore, I was sick a couple of times and I wanted to stop. Something in my mind was telling me that this was, sadly, not the transitional period we were hoping it was. At 7pm I accepted another examination to find there had been no progress. I was getting worried about the amount of pain I was in and how difficult it was for the midwives to get a heartbeat from my baby. It was at this point I requested we go to theatre for a c-section. This was never what I wanted but ultimately, I am incredibly happy with my decision, especially with what I know now. I met the obstetrician who talked me through the consent form and explained the surgery. I was feeling really very anxious at this point and as they had to take away the gas and air and my TENS machine I was struggling but tried using up breathing, relaxing my jaw and shoulders through each contraction as I was taken into theatre. Thankfully the surgery was done under a spinal block which was a little hard to administer but eventually we got there.

Surgery took longer than expected as when the doctors got to my uterus they found more scar tissue and a hole in my womb. They found a very weak uterus that hadn’t been contracting as effectively as it should have been which could have been due to a number of things. My BMI was one, his size was another and unfortunately this just was not meant to be for me. Now I know this I feel even better that at the time I made the best decision for everyone and that has made this birth a really positive one for me. At no point did I feel out of control or disrespected. I love the fact that most of the people in theatre were women including the three amazing doctors who put me back together again. I loved seeing Adam holding our son by our head. I think we had optimal cord clamping which I requested and I would have liked to hold him however I was really feeling quite unwell during the surgery and I ended up falling asleep after asking the anaesthetist if it was safe to do so. I then got to carry my son through to recovery where we did get some of that lovely skin to skin and I got to see his beautiful face properly.

The moment your children meet each other is one of the most amazing, magical moments I have ever experienced.

Adam and my Doula Sophie were so amazing and the team that took care of me offered so many lovely congratulations. I ended up staying in hospital until Sunday 7th October and I’m now continuing to recover at home. Family and friends have been amazingly supportive and I cant wait to get back up on my feet again properly. I am so pleased and proud to introduce everyone to my little boy Felix David Locke. Despite what has happened I still passionately believe in birth planning and I think all of the preparation I did with Hypnobirthing, particularly The Digital Pack by the Positive Birth company, having my amazingly wonderful Doula to support me through pregnancy and a very loving, kind and compassionate partner made this the most positive birth I could have had. It just seems I am that woman and I am one of the statistics. But I am here, I am safe, and I am teary but so happy. I really believe sharing birth stories helps women come to terms with any fear they may feel and I honestly believe the amount of information I consumed during pregnancy was so beneficial. Sharing my birth story is, I hope, a way of giving back to those women and to also say that despite things going differently, I am feeling really well in myself.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

October 10, 2018
Autumn Slow Cooker Meals I Love

Autumn is the best time of year to get the slow cooker out and I wanted to share some autumn slow cooker meals I love. With the weather turning cooler I am looking to use my slow cooker for tasty, warming meals. There’s something about Autumn that just makes me want to use the slow cooker. It’s so nice coming back from the school run knowing I don’t have a dinner to prepare because I can just chuck what I need in the slow cooker in the morning and it will be tasty, tender and hot for dinner time. Having a baby in the house and not having to properly prepare meals but still have something filling and nutritious every night. This is going to be absolutely vital whilst breastfeeding too because I can make sure everyone, including myself, is fed. Here are my favourite slow cooker meals.

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Soup

I love soup and whilst some people may have a soup maker you can do delicious soup in a slow cooker easily. Any left over veggies are perfect for this so if you’re someone that loves a roast on a Sunday and has anything left over popping it into a slow cooker with some liquid broth or stock can make it into a really tasty soup. You can then leave it chunky or blend it up before serving. My favourite is tomato and red pepper with a sprinkle of chilli flakes as I feel the lovely vibrant colour makes it feel as warming as it tastes. I also really love leek and potato soup with a soft roll. Another great option is a thai style coconut chicken soup.

Stews

Stews are ideal slow cooker food because you can add in whatever ingredients you like. Beef and ale with seasonal vegetables is a firm favourite here and adding the ale early on you have the taste and the flavour but the alcohol is cooked off. Pork and apple can make another really lovely stew and for me there’s just something about pork and apples that make me think of Autumn. I’ve made this with Brothers Toffee Apple cider too which does make it quite sweet. Paired with some green vegetables and mash potato this is a delicious stew. If you fancy something a little different chicken and apricot with Moroccan spices can be something completely different too. I love this with a few herby dumplings too.

Pie Fillings

Slow cooked pie fillings are delicious for this time of year. If you want that pastry crust topping with a slow cooked pie filling you can get ready rolled puff pastry and cook off in the oven before serving. Or if you’re making a family sized pie in advance slow cooking the filling can bring out all the flavour and make the meat super tender.

Other Autumn Slow Cooker Meals

Chilli is a great one for a slow cooker as it’s super quick and easy and the longer chilli cooks the better it tastes. Curries also work really well in a slow cooker especially using sweet potato and butternut squash as it allows the vegetables to soften and take on the subtle spices of the curry. You can also make a delicious pulled pork by slow cooking it. I love pulled pork, it’s warming and makes a tasty midweek meal. Any left over can be added to rolls and sandwiches the next day too.

October 3, 2018
Vulnerable

There is only so much information you can bring into yourself during a time of vulnerability. You can plan and process and positive think you’re way through but ultimately you are going to have times where you feel like you fail.

There will always be times where you compare yourself to others and that will bring on tears, frustration, guilt and desperation. It will make you feel inadequate doubting your own ability, mindset, body and femininity.

There is no right or wrong way to give birth. But why do I feel like my body doesn’t work properly? Because I seem to carry longer than term. Because everyone is asking me is it now? Well meaning wishes and text and phone calls come through. I lurk on social media rather than join in as I feel myself closing in on myself but really I feel resentment and sadness.

It’s like I’m grieving for an experience I don’t feel I will ever get to have without a form of augmentation.

I feel like less of a woman because my body doesn’t seem to do what it is build to do on a timescale I don’t even feel is right for my body.

I tell myself this all the time. My baby is measuring big or ahead but my boyfriend shares his DNA and is tall. And I am not tall. And my last baby was at 42 weeks and induced and babies follow a pattern but my body still hasn’t started labour despite by date of conception I feel I am only 39 weeks and 1 day.

I feel crumpled and sore, swollen, shrunken and sadness. I feel let down by my own body. A soft and thin cervix that has started to change and shift and move to make way for the baby pressing down. I feel every movement from hands to legs to rolls. I feel pressure and pain of the most exquisite unable to describe kind which excites me yet fills me with dread every time I need to take a step.

I miss going outside.

I miss browsing through shops.

I miss walking and movement and swimming.

I miss life but I’m standing here with one foot heavy and swollen with pregnancy and the other a step forward waiting, needing and willing to rush on. Become a new mother. A mother of two beautiful children who I love more than anything. Already.

I am vulnerable because I am left alone in the evening whilst my partner provides for us and I miss him so much. I don’t want to show my vulnerable side, I want him to be proud and witness the birth of our child alongside the rebirth of me. I want to show him just how much I love him and what I can give to him and for him to say you did this, I’m so proud, and no matter how or where or what he will say and think and feel this anyway. But there is that part of me that thinks I do not deserve him if I can not birth properly.

I do not deserve his pride if my body fails me, to birth our son.

Relax they say. Relax and enjoy these last few days and babies come when babies are ready and I know this is fact and true and rational but I am lying here, tears falling freely already grieving a birth I haven’t had yet because of time restraints. Limits.

I feel vulnerable. I want to embrace this birth that I have dreamed of having because I felt like I failed at the last one. That detrimental shadow that has haunted my mental health for eight long years because I couldn’t birth my daughter. Those weeks I felt of failure whilst healing prevented us from thriving and I am terrified of that same process happening again.

October 2, 2018