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An Open Letter from a C-Section Mother

Have you seen that screenshot making the rounds on social media? A photographer refusing to take photos of a baby because the mother had a caesarean section. Each to their own, whatever, but saying a c-section isn’t birth? Really? It made me angry, as a mother that birthed my daughter through c-section. This is my response.

Originally posted on Facebook.

Dear Photographer,

I recently read how you view a c-section mother. I’m sure you’re just another one of those internet trolls begging for viral fame and attention (congratulations, by the way) but I couldn’t let what you said slide.

I couldn’t just say nothing.

Birth is birth. It doesn’t matter how that baby comes out, vaginal, Caesarian, ventouse, forceps, natural, epidural, surrogate whatever. Birth is birth.

Birth is the shortest stage of pregnancy, and the day that you finally, hopefully get to hold someone that you have grown to absolutely worship for nine long, hard months. Birth is the hardest part of pregnancy, it’s also absolutely terrifying. It’s hard work. It doesn’t matter if you’re breathing through the contractions or being prepped for major abdominal surgery.

You do realise that’s what a Caesarian is don’t you? It’s not just a quick nip, it is major. It is a twelve week recovery process. It is a blade that cuts through stomach, muscle, womb…it takes around forty odd minutes to stitch each of those layers back up. 40 minutes before you can really hold your baby.

My c-section was terrifying. Because my c-section was life dependant. My c-section saved my daughters life. I’ve already felt like I failed because I didn’t push her out but oh gosh I tried. I pushed and pushed for two hours despite not having slept for three days and not feeling the contractions probably from my epidural. And I had a fever. I remember then saying I was burning to the touch but I couldn’t stop shaking and I was so so cold. I felt freezing. And I couldn’t push. And I didn’t know what to do. And then many, many faces ran in my room. Forms were pushed in my face, signing away my consent for a c-section that I desperately didn’t want. I didn’t ask for surgery. I didn’t ask to cut the corners you believe us section mothers have. I was frightened for my life, my babies and I was oh so tired.

Then my daughter was born. And eventually I got to hold her. After the stitches. After insisting I felt like I was going to throw up and being given an egg carton to do it in.

When I came home I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even get on my bed because it pulled. I couldn’t properly step into my bath for a shower because it pulled. I couldn’t walk for long miles because it pulled. I couldn’t sit in the car for long because it pulled.

Then after I thought everything was okay. I got a wound infection. I was terrified my scar would split open, that I would actually die. Possibly because of over exaggerated hormones and sleep deprivation but I still felt that fear.

Even now my scar twinges, still pulls. It’s there as a reminder of the day I safely brought my daughter into this world. It’s a reminder that I am and will always be a mother. It is how my daughter was born.

It was not easy. Birth is not easy, birth is trauma on the body. However it happens, no one takes the easy way out. No one cuts corners. No one gets a medal. Well, we get our beautiful babies. And that is worth more to me than any medal.

Sincerely,

A C-Section Mother

February 28, 2017
Sitting in The Room

I am sitting in a room. It’s not too big, most of the time it’s actually just the right size for me. It’s not a sterile room, there are no tall white walls and fluorescent lights. It’s not a threatening room. It’s actually a place where I usually feel quite safe. One one wall is a large window. It’s a little too high for me to see out of but it lets in lots of natural light. Opposite is a door. It’s usually slightly ajar so that I can see what’s outside. It’s never locked. I can leave this room whenever I want to.

I wasn’t put in this room. I created it myself. I placed every single brick with precision and built the walls. I don’t let others come in.

There are days where the sky outside is grey and miserable. Days were the sounds outside the door, the noises, the smells are just too overwhelming for me so I close the door for the day. I sit inside the room and I close myself off.

There are days where the sun is shining so brightly. It’s a day where I open the door wider and venture outside the room, happy and content. A day were I won’t feel completely overwhelmed or ashamed. I will tackle the day, it might be an adventure or it might be incredibly mundane but I will still leave the room.

Then there are days where the rain is pounding against the window so loud that no amount of shutting the curtains will drown it out. Where I have to sit in front of the door holding it shut because something is pounding on the other side, threatening to come into my safe place. Trying to break down my walls. Trying to ruin my room. Sometimes it just doesn’t stop and it continues for days and days.

On these days my skin hurts. My skin is too tight across my bones, my teeth ache and I am exhausted. I want to rest and just let go of the door, but I can’t because whatever is outside is just too much to deal with. It is all just too much for me, but I can’t stop because it will overwhelm me. It will lead me to fail. But I can’t fail because I have people that rely on me, but those people aren’t in my room, there outside the door, past the noise, past the pounding. I know they’re okay, I know that they’re safe from this but I can’t get to them. So I give up. I get angry at myself. I lash out because they can’t get to me either, because they don’t understand why I’m in this room. They can’t see this room because it’s not real.

I’m sitting in this room because I have anxiety.

I have the type of anxiety that sometimes makes me too scared to leave the house because of what other people will think of me when they look at me. My anxiety drives total paranoia and I literally can not get the horrible insults out of my mind. What makes it worse is that someone else’s thoughts aren’t my business and I completely understand that but these paranoid fueled thoughts that other people might or might not have stop me from leaving the house. Because if I can’t think positively of myself so why would anyone else? But honestly, the people out there, shopping, on their lunch break, running, driving past…well lets be honest I doubt very much they’re thinking about me. People are selfish thinkers, we think about what we need to do, where we need to go, what we’re having for dinner…and I know this because that’s how I think when I do actually have the courage to leave the house and get out there and do what I have to do.

It is a never ending vicious circle really.

Things are better now. I have more of the sunny days than any of the others. I’ve grown up and for the most part I don’t really care what other people think of me. I don’t seek approval of others. I speak my mind, I do what I want, I work really hard to remove the negativity from my life that holds me back but I still have anxiety. My anxiety hasn’t gone anywhere. I’ve just got better at dealing with it. It is a daily battle to keep it under control.

Large crowds still completely overwhelm me and make me feel absolutely sick to my stomach. Catching someone’s eye in the street makes me put my head down and walk forward faster with my clammy hands. Meeting and speaking with people I don’t know terrifies me but I’ve done those things in the last twelve months. I’ve got trains and tubes on my own to London and back without worrying. I’ve spoke to people I’ve not met before and really enjoyed their company. I haven’t embarrassed myself or made a fool out of myself too much. I have battled with my anxiety and I’m not going to let it win.

There is plenty of support you can get online to help with anxiety. Here are 5 Reasons why online anxiety support can help you.

This is a collaborative post.

February 22, 2017
Auberge de Cendrillon Review – Disneyland Paris

Are you considering dining with the Disney Princesses on your next trip to Disneyland Paris? At Auberge de Cendrillon you will meet three Princesses during your meal. It is the best way to get fantastic interaction with the Princesses. We did last Valentines Day during our family holiday. If you have a Disney Princess mad child then this will be an absolute highlight for the whole family. The sheer joy on my daughters face when she saw the Disney Princess Dancing is a memory that will last a lifetime.

Booking Auberge de Cendrillon

You can book this extra special meal when booking your holiday, you can also book when you get there. We knew it was something we wanted to do and paid £145 for the three of us to have a five course lunch for the adults and a three course meal and drink for children. That meant when we arrived we only had to pay for extra drinks.

The golden pumpkin carriage outside the Auberge de Cendrillon

Upon arriving at our hotel we were presented with our dining vouchers. If you have selected the Premium Dining Plan you can also dine here with your vouchers. My advice is to call up and book sixty days in advance or book in with the guest services as soon as you get there. You can, of course, wait until the day you want to go however there may be a long wait for a table.

Auberge de Cendrillon

The restaurant is easy to find and is just behind Sleeping Beauty’s Castle in Fantasyland. It is a truly stunning place to enjoy a meal with family.

On the walls you will find famous scenes from the Cinderella film. Once you arrive you check in with the host and Suzy and Perla may lead you to the table. It was lovely watching the mice take Evie to our table, hand in hand. Our meal was on Valentines Day and if you can visit the restaurant on a special occasion they make so much effort. It is so lovely inside. Very warm, cosy and the staff are friendly, helpful and all speak English.

Pin this image!

The Food at Auberge de Cendrillon

The cuisine here is typically French, however, the food for children is simple.

Children’s salmon with carrots, rice and a cream sauce on the side in a pot

Everything can be served separately for fussy eaters. Evie had hers with the cream sauce on the side. You can choose a meat with rice or potatoes, and I believe there is a pasta dish too.

Smoked Duck Salad

The adults menu is a little more advanced. I recommend booking in later in the afternoon as the food can be very rich. We found this a little tough to digest at 12noon so soon after breakfast. Our meal started with a fruit mocktail which is very tasty. It is a table service experience so any extra drinks will be brought to you and then you can pay any extras at the end of the meal. You will also have bread bites bought to the table to share with butter. Here are a few photos of our meals.

Scallops and Asparagus

Surf and Turf with Steak, mushrooms and polenta

The highlight of the meal is the pudding.

Adults Dessert at Auberge de Cendrillon

Childrens Dessert

The Princess Interaction

The Princess interaction is faultless at Auberge de Cendrillon. Then the Princess enter with smiles and waves as they walk through and then on the hour, every hour they dance by the fireplace.

The mice will lead you to the table.

Suzy and Perla will approach the tables and ask the children to join them. If your table is toward the back of the restaurant you can walk over and watch the dance. It is lovely.

When Evie came back from watching the Princesses dance I thought she was about to cry! They make the children so happy. You will meet three Princesses during the meal and they walk around to every table speaking with every child.

This is the perfect opportunity for some photos. We met Cinderella with Prince Charming, Snow White and Ariel during our lunch.

It was so lovely to meet Cinderella and Prince Charming

Our Experience

It was fantastic. Yes it’s a little expensive but absolutely worth it for our family. It really is brilliant for the Princess interaction and the food is fine. I found the staff to be very accommodating. Next time we head to Disneyland Paris I will be booking in with Auberge de Cendrillon again.

Why not take a look at my other Disneyland Posts to help you plan your trip?

Rainforest Cafe
Earl of Sandwich
Annettes Diner
Disneyland Paris Travel Diary
Sequoia Lodge Hotel Review

Have you been to Disneyland Paris? Have you dined in Auberge de Cenrillon? I’d love to know what you think!

February 14, 2017
1 in 3 Women Will Experience Light Bladder Weakness

Did that statistic punch you in the face? It did for me. Then when I went on to hear that light bladder weakness is more common than hayfever…I was just blown away. That’s a lot of people, because honestly, everyone I know suffers with hayfever. Last weekend, I attended a fantastic event hosted by #LightsbyTENA in an effort to raise awareness of the brand and to pass on their #FeelFresh message.

Firstly, I have to say the event was incredibly well organised and a fantastic afternoon with some other wonderful bloggers. It was lovely to meet and speak with Jade from Raising the Rings, Joanne from Opposable Thumbs, Sally from SallyAkins.com and Emma from EmmaVictoriaStokes.com. Toegether, surrounded by champane and beautiful flowers we enjoyed nattering away and a delicious brunch at the beautiful Haymarket Hotel in London.

Raising awareness for light bladder weakness is so important and TENA want to speak to women that may have experienced this because they have a great product for them. They are looking to establish a difference and segregate from the thicker TENA lady products because this isn’t about incontinence. It’s more about as we get a bit older, have kids, drink more and our collagen levels deplete, our bladder and pelvic floor weakens. It’s a pretty natural and normal, but not very glamorous part of getting older, becoming a parent and just well, being human. In most cases, it’s usually nothing to worry about, but if you are worried you should always speak to your GP. After all, you won’t be the first woman to ask ‘is this normal’ and you’ll never be the last woman either.

My question is if this is so common then why don’t we talk about it more often? We talk in a joking way about having a weaker bladder after having kids but it’s still very hush hush. Why? Because it’s a bit gross? We’re women, all we do is gross. We clean everything off our kids, we are happy to talk about our periods and our birth stories but we’re not happy to confide seriously in a friend or a GP about light bladder weakness. We love feeling fresh, we fill our home with beautiful flowers and scent up with gorgeous perfumes and TENA lights have really put a lot of thought into their award winning liner of which they are offering a money back guarantee for you to try their lights product, and if it doesn’t make you feel fresh, you’ll get your money back. I think it’s great that they’re so confident in their product that they’re willing to offer this to their customers. (#FeelFresh or it’s FREE available until 30/6/2017) You can find full T&C’s on their site. I found the below infographic really informative and gave some top tips on how to improve the strength of your bladder and keep light bladder weakness at a distance.

Strengthening our pelvic floor is really helpful for bladder control and it’s so important to do them regularly, especially during and after pregnancy.

After learning more about the Lights by TENA range we moved on to a perfume masterclass which was so much fun. I loved creating a signature scent and I was really surprised by some of the scents I really liked. I’m really happy with the little fragrance I created which I aptly named Candyfloss Dream – it doesn’t smell of Candyfloss though, I’m just not very good at coming up with names. It was exactly what I wanted, a sensual, evening scent with spicy but sweet notes. I used seven different fragrances to create my perfume with a top note of Orange, heart note of Jasmine and base note of Tonka Bean. I absolutely love the fragrance and it’s much longer lasting than those I’ve bought in the past. I notice it all throughout the day and have had a few compliments on it too.

I really enjoyed my day in London with some fellow bloggers working with Lights by TENA and our beautiful flowers and fragrance to take home. They are certainly making me feel fresh. So would jumping in this glorious pool at the Haymarket Hotel…

Disclaimer: I was invited to an event hosted by Lights by TENA to discuss their feel fresh or it’s free campaign.

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February 7, 2017
A Love Story – Guest Post

When another blogger, Me Annie Bee, shared a story recently I offered to share on her behalf because of it’s sensitive nature and because I’ve already written posts about toxic relationships I knew my audience wouldn’t be too shocked to read her story. However, Me, Annie Bee feels that this is a story that needs to be shared because she, like I do, want to let others know that after a hard relationship you can move on and love life again. You can use your experience and story to help others and you can raise awareness for something that really does need to be talked about because yes, abusive relationships and marital rape still happen.

A Love Story…

They met when they were 12 & 11, they spent the summer holidays together playing down the beck and in the fields.Things that kids today don’t do.
They had a ‘double date’ to the cinema, the boys sat on an entirely different row to the girls, that’s just how it was done.
For their first, clumsy kiss he had to stand on a rock as she was just that bit taller than him.
It was a glorious summer but she was in a higher year than him at school and thought her friends would make fun of her so she ‘chucked’ him.

Years later she was in a pub when a gorgeous young man approached her, she thought he was going to ask for a cigarette, instead he reminded her who he was. She couldn’t believe this was the same boy, and she was more surprised that he was still interested in her. She considered herself fat, frumpy and ugly.
He looked like a rock star, he was confident, funny and kind.
He was WAY out of her league yet he was SMITTEN with her.
In the early days she used to have to tell him to stop looking at her so much as he was freaking her out.

From that meeting in the pub they never looked back, within a year they were engaged and living together. They had a lot of ups and downs, they had financial hardships and split up a couple of times. She had never been happy in herself. She saw nothing but flaws in how she was and how she looked. She had always been overweight. She never truly understood why he chose her but knew she should be grateful, after all, no one else would want her. She didn’t think other people could understand why they were together either, friends saw him as funny and laid back, the kind of guy you wanted to hang around with. They saw her as moody, uptight and a bit of a bitch, she was just wondering how bills were going to get paid and fretting that one day he’d realise that she was a fat old bore.
They managed to get through it and 8 years later they got married.

The perfect love story right?

Around this time she met new friends outside of the bubble they lived in. These friends turned out to be the most important friends a girl could, no, should have. They taught her to like herself a bit more, they encouraged her to be the best she could be. She grew more confident, fun and independent. She loved him and their relationship but she realised that she needed more than just him and their shared friends and interests. For her to like herself she had to be herself. This didn’t mean going their separate ways, it meant just doing some things apart from one another. She needed to breathe a bit, their relationship could only improve if she were happier with herself.

One night, while they were in bed, he rolled over tried to instigate sex, she was tired, she wasn’t up for it, she told him. He got grumpy with her and turned his back on her.
She thought it odd, then thought maybe it was normal. Maybe all men behave like that when rejected.
The next day he was grumpy with her still, at bedtime he tried it on again, she said no. He’d been in a shit mood all day and so she wasn’t feeling in a place to want to have sex with him. He was grumpy again, this time she turned her back on him. He gave her a cuddle, she thought he’d realised he’d been an idiot.
Then he tried it on again.

She said no.
He did it any way.
There was no struggling.
There was no fighting.
He finished and said “See you wanted to really”.
She said “No, really I didn’t”
She got up and went to the spare room.
After a while he followed, he was so very sorry. He had misunderstood and thought she had changed her mind. It would never happen again he promised.

It did.

Sometimes she would cry.
Sometimes she would just lay there.
Every time he would tell her she wanted to really.
One time he told her she might as well say yes.
Every time he would tell her he was sorry afterwards.
Sometimes he would cry.

She was confused, so confused.
She loved him so much.
She didn’t want to upset him, he might leave her.
Maybe she did want it really.
Was it that really that big a deal?
Why couldn’t she just lay there and let him do what he had to do?
If he were a stranger it would be rape wouldn’t it?
Who would she even talk to about it?
What would she say?
Is it even a problem if you love and are married to the person?
Was she just a bit frigid?
Is he confused because sometimes she wants to have sex and sometimes she doesn’t?
He only did it because he loved her.
If he did love her why would he do it?
If she told someone he might get in trouble.
She was probably making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Although it was never ‘aggressive’ (rape on the TV is always aggressive) she was a bit scared.
She was scared to kiss him or cuddle him in case he took that as a sign she wanted to have sex when she didn’t and then she would have to endure it again.
She spoke to a friend of theirs, one who was a bit of a earth mother, feminist hippy type (which is a fantastic type to be).
“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s your husband”.
Well that answered her question, if this friend didn’t see it as a big deal then no one would.
There was no point in fretting about it further.
She would just have to carry on.
She did for a while, but then the relationship came to an end.
Not because of that, more because he was a complete dickhead who behaved like a petulant child.

Over the years she went over and over it all in her head. As she grew she became sure she wasn’t in the wrong, HE was.
She realised it for what it was, marital rape.
She truly hoped that he never did the same to any future partners.
She believed it was her attitude to herself that made him feel comfortable in treating her like that.
She believed that it was his insecurities that made him behave so terribly.
She never let it define her, she went through some tough times and she punished herself for how he made her feel but she brushed herself off and decided she wasn’t going to be a victim.

She is ‘comfortable’ with it but never speaks of it.
She doesn’t want others to think she is attention seeking.
She doesn’t want others to feel uncomfortable.
She knows a lot people wouldn’t understand, she still doesn’t really understand.

Now she quietly feels empowered by her personal response to it.

She knows it may make others feel awkward but it is her life, she owns that and the right to talk about it.
If only to make one other person who may be in that situation know that it’s not OK and they don’t have to put up with it.
If only to let one other person know that if you speak about it, it WILL be taken seriously. If only to let one other person know it’s not their fault.

Written By – Me, Annie Be
I am a Mum of two, a sassy, super clever 6 year old, Aoife, and a ‘full of beans’, excitable 2 year old, Seth. Me, Annie Bee is a blog about me, a mummy and ‘long term girlfriend’ relying largely on wine and humour to cope with the joys of parenting.

You can find Anna on: http://meanniebee.com

Twitter – https://twitter.com/meanniebee

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/meanniebee

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/meanniebee

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January 10, 2017