Candyfloss & Dreams

Tag: breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Just Hasn’t Worked Out

Breastfeeding hasn’t worked for us.

I think we all prepare for pregnancy with the absolute best intentions, wants and wishes for our baby and that always means making informed decisions on how we will parent. I really wanted to breastfeed Felix. I managed ten weeks with my daughter and I really wanted to get past that stage with Felix because it was going to be great for him, good for me and, best of all, free. I got the clothes, the pumps to help, stuff to boost my supply…everything you can think of to get me off to a good start with feeding my baby but actually, nothing prepares you when the circumstances are against you and so, it’s with quite a lot of sadness that we have stopped breastfeeding and moved over to bottle feeding with formula. I felt incredibly guilty whilst I was making that decision although he has had a few good feeds from me, which I’m really happy with, and I wish it had been longer.

Breastfeeding is not easy

I think the first thing that was against me was my blood loss during my c-section. It left me feeling incredibly weak and drained and the lack of blood and fluid in my body, despite the absolute gallons of water I was drinking, the iron tablets when I came home and all the breastmilk boosting teas, foods, vitamins my milk just didn’t come in. My boobs didn’t ‘fill up’ as they did with my daughter and whilst there was clearly stuff there from hand expressing and some pumping there just wasn’t enough stuff to satisfy my son. The support I had in hospital was fantastic, they really tried everything with me but I have to say the equipment I had – big boobs, lack of mobility and “soft” (I was told at hospital) nipples it just seemed like a combination of things that I couldn’t really battle against.

The exhaustion was also holding me back. I knew I needed to sleep to recover with the blood loss but I was knackered after well over 30 hours of being awake from labour and then that weird adrenaline baby gaze buzz you have after. Adam had gone home to get some sleep and the midwives in recovery were amazing and helped me with everything as I was waiting for the spinal block to wear off. I feel like I’ve now caught up on sleep but I’m still tired because you just are with a newborn, because sleep is broken through the night and when you have an older child “sleeping when the baby sleeps” just isn’t really possible. Especially when you fall asleep on the sofa and they keep waking you up because they want a hug, or a drink, or a snack, or have a question, or want to watch TV, or want to go to the shop…it’s very hard to get in rest when you have a family.

I was totally overwhelmed with Adam going back to University and Work, he starts his first shift tonight at his new job and will be working from 11pm-7am for four nights, then have four nights at home. I was starting to get really worried about how I would physically and mentally cope with such a big lack of sleep whilst I was still recovering from my c-section and so soon after the birth. I hate that dads only get two weeks off as paternity leave. No wonder so many breastfeeding mums decide not to continue because the sheer pressure of doing it all on your own is really hard. I felt that actually, the more routine of bottle feeding – despite doing it on demand, would hopefully work a lot better with the school run in the morning. I have to leave the house at 8am to get my daughter to school for 8.40am, and then it’s a good twenty minute walk back, longer at the moment with a pram and whilst I’m still building my stamina up. I am hoping that we can get into the routine of a 6.30am breakfast and then when we’re back at 9.15am we can get another bottle ready.

But despite all this, and despite the fact that actually I feel we’ve made the right decision to stop breastfeeding because the evenings Adam is here, and during his nights off, he can help with a few night time wake ups which allows me the time to recover. I no longer feel like I won’t be able to cope or scared of being home during the night alone. I know longer feel like I’m completely ignoring my daughter to meet my sons needs. The guilt is still strong and I am still really sad. Having a baby brings about so many hormones and changes, having a c-section can make you feel guilty for not doing it properly. so I’ve cried some tears over it. I’ve been reasurred by the health visitor who said it is okay to feel sad about it and to feel like I’ve missed out but actually we still get lots of lovely snuggles and bonding time and that actually he really isn’t fussed because he’s fed and sleeping and clean. I still feel guilty. I feel like I’ve let myself and my son down a little bit for not persevering. I do feel like I could have tried a bit harder but then I think if I had I’d be struggling more emotionally with feeling so overwhelmed and I know I wouldn’t have been able to take care of myself as much recovery wise if I had stuck with it.

Breastfeeding or bottle feeding: Make an informed decision and go with it

I have always believed in making informed decisions based on what is best for the big picture; for the whole family, but most of all I am an advocate of fed is best. Not because it’s the bare minimum, because I know breastmilk is best for babies, and because all of us just want our babies fed regardless. But I think fed is best stands for that bigger picture, for a mother and baby’s post natal well being and because we all just want to be the best parents we can be. For me, that means being tired but functioning and mentally well for both of my children, and my partner, who has just witnessed me going through major surgery to bring his son into the world, become a father and is now coping with University work and a new job. He has a lot on his plate, and the last thing he needs is a girlfriend that isn’t coping with her mental health.

No matter how you feed your baby, you are doing the best job, you are doing the right thing and you have made the best decision for you. You, your mental health and your well being is just as vital and important because that is what will help you cope with the transition into motherhood.

October 21, 2018
Why I Support #FeedWithConfidence

#FeedWithConfidence

My breastfeeding goal for Baby F is to Feed with Confidence. When I had my daughter I really wanted to breastfeed but being young, a bit naive, and maybe not understanding how my body works as well as the societal pressures and feeling of ‘taboo’ within feeding in public, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to. I think that fear of not being successful and being afraid to feed in public or outside the comfort of my own home really made it difficult and actually affected my ability to feed successfully for longer than ten weeks. This time around I am determined to breastfeed with the combination of one bottle of expressed breast milk. My goal is to feed Baby F myself 90% of the time and have a bit of supply of breast milk in the freezer too.

I want to breastfeed because it’s going to be really good for us to bond, it’s going to help with my weight loss, it’s got so many amazing health benefits for me and its on tap nutrition and food for Baby F too. Whilst I’m not against formula or those that bottle feed I really want to feed him myself and I’m going to be striving to push through feeding him until he doesn’t want to anymore. I would absolutely love to get passed a year of breastfeeding and using the occasional bottle of expressed milk however that does mean I need to get over one of my biggest fears and that is feeding outside the home. Because of this I want to share my journey and I fully support Lansinoh’s Feed with Confidence campaign of which my lovely blogger friend Ami from Through Ami’s Eyes is an ambassador for – I’m so excited for her. I’ve been watching, reading and listening to Ami talk about her experience for combination feeding and seeing her confidence with her ability to feed new baby Smidge is just so amazing. It really inspires me and actually has started making me think, well, maybe I could feed in public, maybe I could too feed with confidence.

There are lots of reasons why people might not have the confidence to feed in public. I’m a 42H cup due to my weight and it’s not exactly going to be a discreet journey. I want to get myself some good fitting nursing bras and tops that make feeding as easy as possible so that I can feel a little less exposed. I’m not opposed to using a cover or muslin but hopefully my ability and confidence will grow enough that I will have the confidence to feed without. Another tip someone had was using a scarf which, with Baby F being due in the Autumn is a pretty good idea. I think practising with different positions and using a sling is also going to help me feed with confidence too.

Breastfeeding is hard. I remember being in tears the first few weeks with sleep deprivation which is why Adam and I have decided to introduce the odd bottle of expressed milk to help each other out a little bit. However, I do hope that by the time we get to six weeks, we might not actually need the bottle of expressed milk and I’ll be used to the frequent feeding, a bit tougher and, well, hopefully having a stretch of at least three hours sleep during the night (total wishful thinking there!) I really want to establish a good supply by feeding on demand and of course this means I will need to feed wherever I am. I think it’s important to have the confidence to do this and by reading other women’s stories, advice and seeing it happen that confidence is already starting to grow in me. I’m not expecting it to be natural straight away and I’m grateful for a supportive partner and family that are all really encouraging when it comes to feeding. I really hope that by sharing my own photos, journey and experience I can feed with confidence and give other mums the confidence to do the same.

You can find out more about Lansinoh and the campaign to Feed with Confidence here:

In 2016, just under 750,000 babies were born in the UK with over 80% of mothers starting to breastfeed their babies. However, according to Public Health England latest statistics on breastfeeding prevalence at six to eight weeks after birth, the number of new mums breastfeeding at this time is 43.7%.[1] This number is low, especially when compared to countries like Norway, which achieves rates of 80% at 3 months.[2] Why does the UK have some of the lowest rates of breastfeeding in the world?

To understand this issue, Lansinoh carried out research amongst 1000 people, looking at perceptions of breastfeeding in public. The study found that people feel uncomfortable with women breastfeeding on public transport, people over 65 are more accepting of mums breastfeeding in public spaces, and people in Wales are more comfortable with breastfeeding compared to other regions in the UK. The Equality Act 2010 made it illegal to ask a woman to stop breastfeeding in public, so why is breastfeeding in public such a national taboo?

A government study found that although 72% of the British public outwardly support public breastfeeding, over half of breastfeeding mums take steps to cover up and 34% feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.3 Research carried out by Lansinoh found that 37% of men and 41% of women find women breastfeeding on a bus uncomfortable, whilst mums breastfeeding on the underground were frowned upon by 34% of men and 44% of women.4 Although a third of those surveyed admitted that they were not comfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding in front of another woman, the research also found that the longer the journey, the less people find an issue with a mother breastfeeding in a public space.

People can nominate a person or a place for the awards here: https://lansinoh.co.uk/feed-with-confidence/

July 19, 2018
To Bottle or Breastfeed?

Breastfeeding or bottle feeding: It’s an ongoing debate it seems between parents, who is better for whichever choice they make. Both advocates feel pressured, judged and are still faced with feeding their newborn through the sleepless nights. Personally, I don’t really care how another person wants to feed their baby. I know the facts about breast milk and I know that formula is there as a substitute. I know my decision isn’t really anyone else’s business and likewise, it doesn’t affect me how you choose to feed your baby. Do whatever is best for your family, your situation and your circumstance.

I wanted to breastfeed but struggled.

For me, I wanted to breastfeed with Evie so badly. I remember speaking to a midwife in hospital one day about it whilst I was being monitored for, I think, the baby having a raised heartbeat and my high blood pressure (after having a cervical sweep, I might add) and she responded with ‘It doesn’t matter to me how you feed your baby, you just do what works for you.’ Part of me thought shouldn’t she be championing breastfeeding as the best way, whilst another of me felt quietly relieved. I was so worried and worked up about breastfeeding not working for me that I remember being reassured that I could always have a few bottles of those ready made formula to hand just in case I was finding it tough. Looking back now, despite saying I wanted to breastfeed that wasn’t really the right advice for me.

As it turned out I fed for two weeks exclusively, crying through growth spurts and struggling with my c-section wound, a new baby and my family being so far away. It was a really emotional time, I felt completely alone and, whilst my health visitor was actually really nice and reassuring, there were some healthcare professionals that weren’t as helpful. The trouble with my breastfeeding journey is that Evie wasn’t really putting on weight. She has having lots of wet and dirty nappies. She was hitting regular milestones and she was feeding very regularly. From two weeks on we added a couple of bottles of formula in to boost her weight gain but she was still mostly breastfeed and this continued until she was about 10 weeks old. It was then I saw a different health care provider, a nursery nurse in place of the health visitor who made me feel like I was the worst mother in the world. She made me feel inadequate and useless. She made me feel like I was consciously trying to starve my baby. She told me my breast milk wasn’t good enough and that I needed to switch to formula. Over the next few weeks I was decreasing my feeds and increasing formula feeds so that by Christmas Evie had moved on exclusively to formula milk.

So now I’m faced with making that choice again with this baby however I have a lot more in my corner to help me with my decisions. Firstly, I know that I can breastfeed. I know that my body does work the way it’s supposed to because I’ve done it before. With that knowledge I know I can try breastfeeding again with so much more faith in myself. Secondly, I am a little older and a little wiser and I hope this time around I’ll be so much more confident in my decision. I have a supportive partner and I’m closer to more family who I know will back up my decision as well as being there on the tougher days. I know if I get told something like that again, feel like I’m failing, I have so many more people to reassure me. I am also confident in my decision to not exclusively breastfeed and I fully intend to express breast milk too. I feel that by expressing breast milk I will give Adam the chance for a few feeds, it will give me a little bit of rest and it will be the best milk choice for my baby. I would love to breastfeed up through to the first year, but six months is my goal.

Despite all this knowledge and wants for the baby I still have some fears when it comes to breastfeeding. I am not confident to be able to feed in public. It really doesn’t matter whether places ‘allow’ me to do it. I honestly feel the only place I will feel comfortable feeding is in my own home. This of course puts a lot of restrictions in place doesn’t it as it’s going to stop me going out and about for long periods of time. Having massive boobs kind of means any form of discreet feeding is out the window, especially as before I was only ever able to feed in a rugby ball hold position with around eight pillows stacked up around me. I’m not exactly going to be carrying a surplus of pillows around with me, especially in those early weeks, so this again leads me to believing that expressing milk is going to be a really good move for us as a family.

How will breastfeeding work for us as a family?

Through doing some research I am going to try an electronic breast pump. I had a manual one with Evie and it was rubbish. I really struggled to express with it so I’m hoping that an electronic one will do a much better job. I can’t imagine it’s going to be a comfortable or happy experience for anyone but if it means I can still continue to give my baby breast milk for as long as possible then I am all for trying. The Lansinoh single electronic breast pump is going to be getting quite a bit of action in our home when this baby is here. I’ve never used an electronic one before and it does all sound a little technical. I imagine it will take some practise. I know that you shouldn’t really express until breastfeeding is established and your milk has come through properly but I want to make sure my supply is enough to have those extra feeds ready to the point we have a bit of a surplus in the freezer. The Lansinoh single electronic breast pump is BPA and BPS free with a silicone breast cushion. It features 2-phase technology with a ‘let-down’ and ‘expression’ mode allowing for your comfort. There are six adjustable suction settings to make sure you’re getting the right suction from the pump too. The pump can be plugged into the mains or it can take 6 AA batteries when you’re out of the home. The bottle comes with a suitable sealing disc and teat so that you can pump, store and feed at your convenience.

Available to buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2Eu5f3b (Affiliate Link)

However you choose to feed your baby just know that there are plenty of options for you and your family. I’m so happy that expressing is an option that’s available to us and one I fully intend to use to my benefit. This way I know anyone can safely feed my baby at any time with milk that is specifically designed for them. Now we just have to hope this little one will take to a bottle!

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What did you decide with your children? Can you offer any advice or tips?

Disclaimer: I was sent the Lansinoh single electronic breast pump for the purpose of this feature and to talk openly about my desire to express breast milk. This may not be your decision but I hope you can appreciate that it is mine and one I’m happy with.

April 19, 2018