Candyfloss & Dreams

Tag: politics

The Problem with saying Violence Against Women and why #notallmen should be met with #toomanymen
The problem with violence against women is the removal of ‘male’ in a sentance that should read Male Violence Against Womxn to include cis women, trans men and women, non binary folx and basically anyone that has ever been a victim of assault because of their gender and/or sexuality. The problem with saying #notallmen is because that is nonwithstanding but victims of assualt shouldn’t have to say “OF COURSE ITS NOT ALL MEN!” – that’s obvious, but it is too many men. We are dealing with thousands of years of men growing up in a repetitive culture of believing women are second class citezins to them, that they are propriety and lets not forget that sex and gender equality are brand new laws. We’ve had laws in the UK for centuries upon centuries yet the laws for discrimination, equality and violence against women have been socialised within men since time began. There are parts of this world were non-binary is not a term used, where people are not free to define their sexuality, where they risk child marriage, clitoradectomies and genital mutilation (all because a man has decided that is how women should be). So it may not be all men, particularly in the UK where laws have changed but domestically and globally it is still too many men.

There is currently an open consultation for the home office regarding violence against women and girls. You can find a survey at the bottom of this page. Whatever your gender I ask you to fill this out. It had over 70,000 responses last Friday 12th March when it reopened. I didn’t even know it had been open before so I’m spreading the word whilst the consultation is open. It closes again on 26th March. Fill in the survery here.

The majority of violent crime is committed by men

Here in the UK the majority of all crime committed by males is 73% which is a pretty strong statistic when it comes to the #toomanymen response. Most all violent crime is committed by men (82% as of 2020). When it comes trends in relationships; violence against women 49% of the cases reported (and that’s key, because we know not all women report crime for fear or not being taking seriously) were an intimate partner. Further, a third of domestic violence cases (which doesn’t specify gender) were repeat victims which is just heartbreaking. Globally, 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence. Half of women killed worldwide are killed by their partners or family. It’s just why is this still happening and what can we do to change it? Something that really concerned me was an Amnesty report in 2005 that said ‘Women who flirt are partially responsible for being raped’ – and that is the attitude that has got to change.

Harrasment, abuse and violence women experience needs to stop.

There are many women I personally know that have felt threatened or intimidated by a man, that have walked home in the dark with their keys between their fingers. We tell girls to take self defence classes, but to also be soft and gentle and not too muscly. There is such a double standard for women all to be appeasing for a man and quite frankly it is disgusting. I myself have been assualted by a man around the corner in daylight from my home. I’ve been a victim of domestic abuse and sexual assualt. I have been discriminated against, cat called and felt unsafe. I remember once going to a club with my mum and someone not leaving me alone until my mum stepped in. It’s like, why can’t the first no mean no? Why do unsolicited dick pics get sent? Why do men automatically go to slut shaming and abuse or slurs when a women turns him down? Why aren’t women allowed to say no to male advances?

Parents have a part to play in changing the language they use and the stereotypes they fall into to help challenge perceptions such as ‘girls do this and boys do that’.

So what can we do to change the situation? I mean I don’t think it’s completely up to women to stop violence against women but we do have a part to play because women can also be passive in this argument. Firstly, as mothers we can teach our children about consent and that no means no. We can teach children about consequence and action. We can also show our children respectful, loving relationships as adult role models. This is where it gets tough though because what of the cases where domestic abuse and domestic violence exists and their are children in the household, witnessing this, and then growing up believing that ‘women should be abused’ and ‘men should be violent’ – of course this isn’t always the case and not every child born will grow up to experience toxic relationships. As I said though, it’s not just down to women, men need to do the work too. Massive changes need to happen.

Sex education needs reformation. It isn’t just about STIs. It needs to discuss sexual violence, and consent in much more detail. These are impressionable young people and all genders need their perceptions challenged so we can stop blaming girls for being victims of sexual violence.

There needs to be a reform in sexual education which discusses consent for both boys and girls in a detailed way. No means no needs to be probably reinforced in each sexual education subject. This includes personal consent and that no one has permission to touch their bodies as well as a respect for other people. Within these lessons I think we should discuss, particularly for older teenagers, statistics of sexual violence including changing perceptions on this rape culture or that ‘women are asking for it because of x y and z’. Perhaps discussing these statistics will help challenge stereotypes and help reinforce the idea of consent and actually how rape can be a lifelong source of trauma for the person. We need to stop this perception that women want sex if they flirt, dress a certain way, wear makeup, have alcohol, walk home alone at night…because the perception is not there if a man flirts, is shirtless or has alcohol. Having these inclusive conversations and trying to break down the cycle with generations to come is going to ultimately help people understand the seriousness of male violence against women.

Call out friends who jump to violent and abusive threats after being rejected by someone they have hit on.

If a male hits on someone on a night out and that person rejects them (because they are allowed to say no) then the conversation should not automatically go to abuse, slurs or violence aimed at that person because they have rejected them. Like why is it okay for a woman to reject a man and him to automatically say ‘slag’ straight away and then laugh at her with their friends. In that conversation, if you, as a man, feel uncomfortable with your male friend using this language and you stay silent you are complicent in violence against women. You need to call out these behaviours and say this isn’t acceptable. You need to tell them to stop. You need to challenge their alpha male status and tell them that their behaviour, violence and unkindess because that friend isn’t going to have sex that night needs to change. Like, it’s awful. Honestly, break it down that person had their ego scratched and their answer is to hurl abuse at the person that said ‘no thank you I do not want your penis’ is just so fundamentally stupid. It’s so basic. ‘No sex thank you’ has turned into belittlement and violence against that women like come on just brush your ego aside and use your hand again. Better yet, be a better person that makes a woman want to go home with you.

Sex in Relationships Needs Communication. Sex is not currency. Sex should not be expected.

The perception that women ‘want a bad boy’ is a load of rubbish. Women do not want to be in a violent relationship, women want to be in a respected and healthy relationship. They may want to feel protected but that doesn’t mean controlled or abused. Women may like rough sex and kinky relationships but that doesn’t mean that they deserve to be a victim of sexual assualt and violence. Women are taught that sex is taboo for them. That is about pleasing a man, and that a man finishing is the end of sex. I know this is difficult when it comes to sex education but kids should be taught that both men and women masturbate. That sex needs foreplay. That sex is about intimacy between two people, and that it is not a currency in a relationship. It should be consentual, discussed, communicated and never, ever expected from a loving partner. It doesn’t matter if you have been in a relationship for one month or twenty years, you always ask for consent explicitly. You always wait for the yes to go ahead. You always communicate and if you are exploring something new you need to ask if it’s okay. We need to talk about sex more so that consent is within our bones and so that women don’t feel that they owe it to a man and men stop treating women as sexual objects.

An investigation by UN Women UK found that 97% of women aged 18-24 have been sexually harassed, with a further 96% not reporting those situations because of the belief that it would not change anything
https://www.openaccessgovernment.org/97-of-women-in-the-uk/105940/

No matter what you believe women do not feel safe here in the UK or globally. Women are told to do all these things to prevent violence against them but it still happens.

We can’t segerate men and women, that would be entirely backwards. It’s not solving the problem. It’s essentially saying men can’t control when they need and want to commit violent crime against women so they answer is to remove women from sight and it won’t happen. Of course it will. These crimes are committed because it’s a power thing. It’s about wanting to intimidate someone that is seen as inferior to the criminal. Women, non-binary, transmen, transwomen, and even young, softer men are at risk and should absolutely be protected. However, it’s the alpha male, toxic masculinity that needs to go alongside these perceptions we have that encourage us to blame the female victim of a violent crime.

Things that need to change: A Summary List
- Adult role models in respectful relationships challenging gender stereotypes and challenging their own perceptions so children and young people come to see their parents as equal people.
- A complete reform in sexual education taught at year 5 and year 10 in school. The younger focusing on bodily consent for boys and girls, the biological changes a body goes through, education on LGTBQTIA+ and what that means. Telling children that no one has permission to touch their bodies without their consent and that they also need to keep their hands to themselves. In year 10, focusing on consent again but alongside violence against women, challenging perceptions that what they see isn’t real life ie. pornographic images so that men don’t expect that kind of sexual behaviour and that women don’t feel they have to be that way.
- Challenging sexism in the workplace and calling out friends that use aggressive language to insult women or continous sexist jokes. We need to stop thinking it’s a funny issue. Sexism isn’t funny.
- The worst thing you can do is stay silent. If you are scared of telling your friend to stop saying something because of how they will react then you need to question why you are friends with that person.
- Ask before you sent intimate pictures to someone you don’t know and respect their answer. In fact, maybe don’t randomly message women and girls you don’t know on social media. Leave that to the dating apps and even when you do you still need consent.
- Stop saying #notallmen like we don’t know what we are talking about. Instead, be that not all men and challenge these perceptions to your fellow man.
- Learn about feminism. Educate yourselves. Read women’s stories about violence against them.
Sources of Information
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/thenatureofviolentcrimeinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/statistics-sexual-violence/
https://www.openaccessgovernment.org/97-of-women-in-the-uk/105940/
https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/violence-against-women-and-girls-vawg-call-for-evidence
March 16, 2021
If it’s not affordable, it’s not sustainable!

How sustainability is not affordable for the time and financially poor. Sustainability goes hand in hand with affordability. Discussing how poverty and low income workers struggle to afford to be eco friendly and sustainability and why they buy into greenwashing
Affordability & Sustainability: Why They Need to Work Together to Make A Change for the Better

Do you consider yourself a green family? A zero waste expert? Eco friendly? Are you just trying to do your bit to help the environment but actually when you look into it you think how the fuck do people afford to do all this? I am in that camp. This is me. A little while ago I wrote how being zero waste was poverty shaming and I stand by this because it is. However, the planet is in crisis, the environment is being destroyed and no one knows how to save it. There are loads of things the individual person can do to make a difference but let’s be honest it’s commerce, businesses and firms that are mostly responsible for the destruction of the world. Right now sustainability is not affordable.

Not all families are able to afford to live zero waste and sustainable lifestyles

Global Companies and Government Need to do better!

The problem here though is that not all of the worldwide governments ‘believe in climate change’ which gives them no motivations to enforce laws and sanctions on companies that do nothing to minimise their damage. That don’t pay their staff fairly. That are damaging and exploitive for it’s workers. They don’t do enough globally and collectively to look for green energy sources of power despite these warnings that fossil fuels will eventually run out anyway. Sadly, on an individual level there isn’t a lot we can do. Sustainable living is not affordable when the government doesn’t want to help those that struggle the most.

We look at our own country and government who insist that extinction rebelling are basically the same as terrorists – eco terrorists, I mean they’re not Poison Ivy (perhaps we actually need an anti-hero like her to get the job done?). When are they going to come up with one of their (stupid) infamous three world slogans for saving the planet? (they won’t because saving the planet and environment will cost their buddies money). We will never, ever get anywhere with two party politics. The time for that system to change is now, and green representatives needs to have a say in how the country is run. Maybe it would be if we didn’t have an electorate that runs on classism and racism even when their governement lies to them…but that’s a post for another day

Governments need to reduce emmissions now, not at 2025. I can tell you what will help people be more eco friendly and sustainable. Funding. Fair funding for mental health, physical health, education, employee rights, living wages and fair and equal housing costs. When a country equally funds a society you can expect to see less crime, more spending, more qualified individuals, a happy population, a happy work force and just basically a happy society. Happier people want to put their energy into things that can make them do better. Happier people who aren’t so stressed about money and health and work and education all the time will be able to afford greener energy, electric cars and will be easily able to support smaller, sustainable businesses. The problem with this is that it’s not compatible with capitalism.

Capitalism is the brick wall of sustainability & affordability working together

Capitalism is shit. There’s no denying it. We are told we all have equal opportunites, we are told we have a consumer choice and we are told that all we need to do is work hard to get what we want. I am calling bullshit. What’s the point in working hard on a zero hour contract with no chance of promotion and to be told you could have no hours next week?

How is their a consumer choice when it’s hard for small businesses to start? Or when Amazon offer prime now and people can get instant gratification? How is it helpful when there is a gender pay gap? When private schools (aka people with money) can offer better education and ignore the government approved national curriculum? You can literally buy a shortcut to success if you can afford it so what’s the point. When your press is funded by the government you’re not getting any clear, non biased information at all.

Capitalisim basically keeps the poor poor and poorly educated working all hours in a job they hate to buy stuff from rich people on credit, to get into debt because they’re told by advertising and their press that they “need” things because it will make them look and feel richer. Basically, Fight Club and the song Between Angels and Insects by Papa Roach explains what capitalism does and why it’s really shit.

Okay, so what does this have to do with sustainability?

So why is sustainable unaffordable? My point is that sustainability is unaffordable for the working class of this country and quite frankly, whilst I agree we should all do our part, because of the government choices, because of capitalism and because of our education and classist attitude the working class can’t do it all because they can’t afford it. Of course some people are poor and savvy, they are living a low waste lifestyle out of necessity rather than choice. But some people are both finanically and time poor, and therefore will pay the fee for convinience which results in more waste and plastic filled alternatives. If people were paid fairly and job offers were flexible we’d probably see more people making a difference.

If environmental studies was part of the cirruculum our children would be tempted to make changes. If cooking skills was part of the national cirriculum children would grow up understanding about meal preparation to save money, prevent waste and be able to cook (having a knock on effect in the “ob*sity crisis” this country faces – a crisis because the government are fatphobic and ignore the socioeconmoics that link poorness with fatness and deprivation but NEVERMIND).

The thing is it’s up to companies to pay their wages fairly and not use child labour. It’s up to companies to be more inclusive and sustatinable to prevent fast fashion. It’s all very well going charity shopping but that isn’t always size inclusive and sometimes denotes a person’s style – we want to feel good in the clothes we wear, as fat people, not frumpy! It’s up to companies to reduce their plastic usage and use recyclable, biodegradable materials. It’s up to companies to set the price point and make sustainable things affordable for poor people. If it’s just for the rich, then it won’t work and it won’t save the planet and therefore it completely negates any form of sustainable claims because it is only ever going to be sustainable if it is affordable.

By all means, you do you. Although I would say try not to buy into greenwashing. Just because it has a ‘sustainable’ ‘eco friendly’ or ‘clean living’ logo on it’s shiny packaging doesn’t mean it is. It’s only biodegradable if you put it on a compost heap. If it goes in the bin and to landfill it won’t be able to biodegrade because of the state of our landfills. If you recycle but it goes to an incinerator then you’re not doing your part because it fuels carbon emissions anyway. The make your own brigade won’t appeal to those that are time poor because it will just be another stress on their never ending to do list that they will struggle to fit in. You can do the best you can with the resources you have.

Can you make sustainability affordable without greenwashing?

Yes you can but again it’s hard to do if your time poor which is why green washing exists. It’s the illusion of convienience encouraging you to buy a particular product because it makes you feel like it’s sustainable. Some of the product might very well be but it isn’t just about that. If they only have one ‘green’ product but continue with all their others then they are not a sustainable company. It’s about researching and actually are you just paying a fee for a label or a sticker or are you actually contributing to real sustainability.

Some companies might say the use natural products but then still test on animals or refuse to pay fair wages or use child labor or invest in fossil fuels. Your money will contribute to those things even if the product you buy claims to be sustainable. It follows the old adage if it seems to good to be true, it probably is.

There are some genuinely wonderful companies out there that are really trying to be affordable and sustainable but these are few and far between. There are some amazing small businesses that make products that are just as affordable as high street brands but are more ethically sourced and are more transparent about their ethos on zero or minimal waste. The thing is we pander to big advertisements and again, those that are time poor often don’t have time to find and research everything they purchase to see if it’s green washing or not. Green washing is the bain of making sustainability affordable for all.

So what should you do?

Think about the three principles of sustainability. I can’t tell you what to do but I will say that the ethos reduce, reuse, recycle can be applied to every single purchase you make.

Do I really need to buy this item, is it saving me time or money, do I use it?
How can I reuse or repurpose this item before I throw it away? Is there an alternative I can buy to reuse this item better?
Can I recycle this? Can I make this into something new?

Here are some ideas and suggestions that might be beneficial to you. I don’t expect anything from you but to use this as inspiration. But the pressure needs to be put on the government, on companies, and on purchasing decisions. Support small, local businesses if and where you can.

Buy tins/glass rather than plastic
Swap disposable for reusable wipes/nappies/cleaning cloths/teabags
Buy solid soap/shampoo/conditioner
Make your own cleaners
Avoid throwing away food
Eat less meat
Buy white toilet paper, not coloured or dyed (or use reusables)
Buy fruit/veg loose rather than covered in plastic
Buying secondhand
Swapping energy supplier
Using your local library

If you have the time and financial availability you can broaden your sustainability more

Litter picking/beach clean ups
Using refill stores and shops
Using your local farm shop
An electric car/hybrid
Prep meals as and when you can
Create a capsule wardrobe
Avoid buying new
Try some vegan meals/alternatives

Mostly try and research who you’re buying from. If this purchase is a can’t change but you could buy it from a more sustainable business then have a look around. If you have a choice use it because your choices will help make sustainability more affordable.

Don’t Let Guilt Weigh You Down

The most important thing I want to stress is I hold no judgement at all. It isnt YOUR fault that sustainability isn’t the norm when the government isn’t doing everything in it’s power to make sustainability affordable. It isn’t YOUR fault if you don’t earn enough to be able to choose where you shop. It isn’t YOUR fault if the charity shops don’t have clothes that fit you or second hand ebay bundles aren’t your style. You are allowed to be an individual and frustratingly fast fashion is currently the most affordable and size inclusive option.

If the only thing you can do is switch to buying in tins and glass then that is amazing. It’s something. It’s a change. Do what you can with the resources you have. Sing petitions. Raise awareness. Vote for the party candidate that will make a difference.

September 21, 2020
British Politics: How I Feel About Brexit

Politics is something I rarely write about on my blog but now a week has past since we cast our vote and I wanted to pen down some of my thoughts and feelings. This could be a mistake…mainly because I know recent politics have really divided our country and I know it’s a bit of a controversial topic to go in to. I will say that I am proud to be one of the 48% that voted to remain within the EU last week. But my household was divided, my family all had different views as I talked about in this post, and in the aftermath we’ve all been discussing it.

I was not shocked with David Cameron’s resignation either. He said he would and for once a politician has kept a pledge and I understand why. I wouldn’t be able to lead negotiations in something I thought was wrong either. At least in this one area he is sticking with his beliefs. He has also made a breakthrough with the LGBTQ community with making marriage legal. Despite being heterosexual, this means a lot to me and I am proud to support that. So we’re going to be getting a new PM and I am crying out for a general election.

I have a lot of personal opinions when it comes to politics and I do not support and will never vote for the Conservatives. I am a Labour lady, I am proud of that and I am actually a big fan of Jeremy Corbyn. I know there are people that disagree with me, and I do not want him to resign from his leadership. I know that he wasn’t at the forefront of the campaign to remain, which doesn’t really bother me. I wasn’t voting for a politician, I was adding my voice to help our government make a decision. The entire referendum campaign on both sides was just awful. Both parties wanted to control people through fear and that is not something I will ever condone. Brexit was lead by two politicians who’s views I just don’t agree with, they do not sit well with me and I don’t think they ever will.

So my vote didn’t win but then again I can’t really say it’s a clear majority for those that voted to leave either. In the grand scheme of things it was around a million more votes to the leave side, but I don’t see that as a majority. I would have seen a majority vote being 80% more on the leave side but it wasn’t. Either way, a vote has been cast and the only change I’ve seen is a lot of poor, xenophobic and racist behaviour. No longer are Brits keeping their stiff upper lip and moaning about whatever they want behind closed doors, keeping their hatred rational and private but they are outwardly shaming people in the street. Whats more some of these vile outbursts have been towards children and it absolutely disgusts me. I want to be clear, I know that not every leave voter is a racist xenophobe with nothing but hate in their heart, just as I know not every remain voter is moaning and bitter about the result – a lot of us are just sat here, getting the kids ready for school and fighting the usual daily battles that come with life. But their are some that are making Britain feel like an unsafe place to live.

I honestly thought racism was behind us. I mean, I agree, that if people choose to come and live and work here then they need to appreciate that we are a western country with a Christian foundation – I am not religious at all, I mean, the Church of England was founded so that the King could get divorced, says a lot about us doesn’t it…anyway, I digress…I have no problem with a multicultural society but I also think political correctness has gone a bit too far and we’re so focused by pleasing everybody. I respect that when I visit other countries I need to adapt, and I think that should be expected of people that choose to migrate or visit here.

Politics is a funny thing but the idea behind Brexit was not to form a racist nation. What I will never, ever do is want to make this country unsafe and it seems that a minority of people are doing just that to others and that is not right. I never thought that I would wake up one day and be ashamed of living in a country so full of hate for migrants. It’s ridiculous!

Instead of blaming migrants for coming here and “taking all our jobs” that companies exploit by paying lower wages, why don’t we blame the lazy that can’t be bothered to work – trust me, there are some, and what makes me ashamed is that they are people my age or younger. Instead of blaming migrants for claiming all our benefits, why aren’t we trying to change our welfare system so that people stop having kids to get bigger houses? A certain interview on This Morning a few weeks ago with a mum of like, 12 kids comes to mind, or Josie Cunningham, didn’t she get a boob job on the NHS by playing the system? Surely the system is wrong then, rather than people that just want to come and live here?

I am not scared of change, I am not scared for my daughters future, well, I am, but not because of Brexit – which is a horrible threat to make, by the way, saying you have ruined your children’s lives…what I’m worried about is this behaviour from others as a result of the referendum, especially when we haven’t actually left the EU yet, and all this let’s call 24th June Independence Day, what a dickish thing to say. I’m also concerned that the few that are wanting to run for Tory leadership do not sit right with me at all. They’re not going to move this country forward. Perhaps it’s time for a major shake up within British politics. MP’s need to reconnect with their constituencies and the people that live in them rather than making up assumptions. Politicians need to stop controlling this nation with fear and using scaremongering tactics. Everyone needs to pull together and move forward united.

***Politics can be a controversial subject. Before commenting, please appreciate that this is my own personal view, I am not trying to force what I think on anyone. I am happy to discuss and debate but I will not tolerate any abuse posted on this blog. Please respect that. If you have nothing healthy, happy or balanced to say, then it’s best not to say anything. Thank you.***

June 30, 2016