Candyfloss & Dreams

Author: Kat Candyfloss

The Positive Birth Story of Felix

I wanted to write my birth story fairly early whilst I still remember most of the details.

The plan: High BMI VBAC at Home
The Result: Unplanned C-Section

I’m glad to finally be able to share my birth story with you and the birth of my second child. What I have learned is that a positive experience does not always mean one that goes to plan, but that from the experience – that takes time to process, and will take more time in the case of the birth of my son, you feel positive. I can not fault the care I received during labour, delivery and post natal whilst at Basingstoke hospital. I have felt listened to, respected, cared for and most importantly completely supported and looked after thanks to the Hampshire Hospitals maternity team.

My beautiful son was born at 8.46pm and delivered by a second unplanned cesarean section weighing 9lbs9oz at 40+13 weeks. He arrived into the world with shocks and surprised at his size on Thursday 4th October after a pretty lengthy labour. This was kicked off with a cervical sweep at 12noon on Wednesday 3rd October, with tightenings and a bit of a show from 3pm. I was booked in for 9.30am the next day to my hospital to have my waters broken if things had not progressed. I am so pleased, and proud of myself, that they did. I called my wonderful Doula around 10pm who helped me set up the environment in the living room with tea lights. I was using my birthing ball and keeping hydrated. I got a couple of hours sleep to try and conserve my energy a bit and made great use of up breathing and my Babycare TENS machine. By around 8.30am I was struggling a little and wanted some more pain relief so we went in to hospital for 9.30am as expected and I was taken straight to a delivery room.

C-Section Recovery: Just after surgery losing 1.5 litres of blood, very dosed up with a very alert baby boy!

I was introduced to my midwife and student midwife who would be looking after me and I accepted an examination to find I had got to three cm and full effacement so I requested to wait to break my waters and the midwives were happy with that. I also accepted a CTG trace for 30 minutes whilst bouncing on the ball as I was hoping for a VBAC and due to my size it was a bit of a challenge getting a good read on my baby’s heart rate. After the trace the midwives were happy to resume intermittent monitoring for the rest of my labour. After 4 hours I accepted another examination and I was found at 4cm. Things had not progressed as quickly as I would have liked and so I accepted having my waters broken to try and help things along a little bit. Once this was done things began to get a little intense for me.

Up until this point my labour had been everything I wanted however eventually I was struggling to differentiate between the contractions and I wasn’t actually noticing any breaks or dips in the pain. I was saying I couldn’t cope anymore, I was sick a couple of times and I wanted to stop. Something in my mind was telling me that this was, sadly, not the transitional period we were hoping it was. At 7pm I accepted another examination to find there had been no progress. I was getting worried about the amount of pain I was in and how difficult it was for the midwives to get a heartbeat from my baby. It was at this point I requested we go to theatre for a c-section. This was never what I wanted but ultimately, I am incredibly happy with my decision, especially with what I know now. I met the obstetrician who talked me through the consent form and explained the surgery. I was feeling really very anxious at this point and as they had to take away the gas and air and my TENS machine I was struggling but tried using up breathing, relaxing my jaw and shoulders through each contraction as I was taken into theatre. Thankfully the surgery was done under a spinal block which was a little hard to administer but eventually we got there.

Surgery took longer than expected as when the doctors got to my uterus they found more scar tissue and a hole in my womb. They found a very weak uterus that hadn’t been contracting as effectively as it should have been which could have been due to a number of things. My BMI was one, his size was another and unfortunately this just was not meant to be for me. Now I know this I feel even better that at the time I made the best decision for everyone and that has made this birth a really positive one for me. At no point did I feel out of control or disrespected. I love the fact that most of the people in theatre were women including the three amazing doctors who put me back together again. I loved seeing Adam holding our son by our head. I think we had optimal cord clamping which I requested and I would have liked to hold him however I was really feeling quite unwell during the surgery and I ended up falling asleep after asking the anaesthetist if it was safe to do so. I then got to carry my son through to recovery where we did get some of that lovely skin to skin and I got to see his beautiful face properly.

The moment your children meet each other is one of the most amazing, magical moments I have ever experienced.

Adam and my Doula Sophie were so amazing and the team that took care of me offered so many lovely congratulations. I ended up staying in hospital until Sunday 7th October and I’m now continuing to recover at home. Family and friends have been amazingly supportive and I cant wait to get back up on my feet again properly. I am so pleased and proud to introduce everyone to my little boy Felix David Locke. Despite what has happened I still passionately believe in birth planning and I think all of the preparation I did with Hypnobirthing, particularly The Digital Pack by the Positive Birth company, having my amazingly wonderful Doula to support me through pregnancy and a very loving, kind and compassionate partner made this the most positive birth I could have had. It just seems I am that woman and I am one of the statistics. But I am here, I am safe, and I am teary but so happy. I really believe sharing birth stories helps women come to terms with any fear they may feel and I honestly believe the amount of information I consumed during pregnancy was so beneficial. Sharing my birth story is, I hope, a way of giving back to those women and to also say that despite things going differently, I am feeling really well in myself.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

October 10, 2018
Autumn Slow Cooker Meals I Love

Autumn is the best time of year to get the slow cooker out and I wanted to share some autumn slow cooker meals I love. With the weather turning cooler I am looking to use my slow cooker for tasty, warming meals. There’s something about Autumn that just makes me want to use the slow cooker. It’s so nice coming back from the school run knowing I don’t have a dinner to prepare because I can just chuck what I need in the slow cooker in the morning and it will be tasty, tender and hot for dinner time. Having a baby in the house and not having to properly prepare meals but still have something filling and nutritious every night. This is going to be absolutely vital whilst breastfeeding too because I can make sure everyone, including myself, is fed. Here are my favourite slow cooker meals.

Affiliate Link: https://amzn.to/2IwNm7F

Soup

I love soup and whilst some people may have a soup maker you can do delicious soup in a slow cooker easily. Any left over veggies are perfect for this so if you’re someone that loves a roast on a Sunday and has anything left over popping it into a slow cooker with some liquid broth or stock can make it into a really tasty soup. You can then leave it chunky or blend it up before serving. My favourite is tomato and red pepper with a sprinkle of chilli flakes as I feel the lovely vibrant colour makes it feel as warming as it tastes. I also really love leek and potato soup with a soft roll. Another great option is a thai style coconut chicken soup.

Stews

Stews are ideal slow cooker food because you can add in whatever ingredients you like. Beef and ale with seasonal vegetables is a firm favourite here and adding the ale early on you have the taste and the flavour but the alcohol is cooked off. Pork and apple can make another really lovely stew and for me there’s just something about pork and apples that make me think of Autumn. I’ve made this with Brothers Toffee Apple cider too which does make it quite sweet. Paired with some green vegetables and mash potato this is a delicious stew. If you fancy something a little different chicken and apricot with Moroccan spices can be something completely different too. I love this with a few herby dumplings too.

Pie Fillings

Slow cooked pie fillings are delicious for this time of year. If you want that pastry crust topping with a slow cooked pie filling you can get ready rolled puff pastry and cook off in the oven before serving. Or if you’re making a family sized pie in advance slow cooking the filling can bring out all the flavour and make the meat super tender.

Other Autumn Slow Cooker Meals

Chilli is a great one for a slow cooker as it’s super quick and easy and the longer chilli cooks the better it tastes. Curries also work really well in a slow cooker especially using sweet potato and butternut squash as it allows the vegetables to soften and take on the subtle spices of the curry. You can also make a delicious pulled pork by slow cooking it. I love pulled pork, it’s warming and makes a tasty midweek meal. Any left over can be added to rolls and sandwiches the next day too.

October 3, 2018
Vulnerable

There is only so much information you can bring into yourself during a time of vulnerability. You can plan and process and positive think you’re way through but ultimately you are going to have times where you feel like you fail.

There will always be times where you compare yourself to others and that will bring on tears, frustration, guilt and desperation. It will make you feel inadequate doubting your own ability, mindset, body and femininity.

There is no right or wrong way to give birth. But why do I feel like my body doesn’t work properly? Because I seem to carry longer than term. Because everyone is asking me is it now? Well meaning wishes and text and phone calls come through. I lurk on social media rather than join in as I feel myself closing in on myself but really I feel resentment and sadness.

It’s like I’m grieving for an experience I don’t feel I will ever get to have without a form of augmentation.

I feel like less of a woman because my body doesn’t seem to do what it is build to do on a timescale I don’t even feel is right for my body.

I tell myself this all the time. My baby is measuring big or ahead but my boyfriend shares his DNA and is tall. And I am not tall. And my last baby was at 42 weeks and induced and babies follow a pattern but my body still hasn’t started labour despite by date of conception I feel I am only 39 weeks and 1 day.

I feel crumpled and sore, swollen, shrunken and sadness. I feel let down by my own body. A soft and thin cervix that has started to change and shift and move to make way for the baby pressing down. I feel every movement from hands to legs to rolls. I feel pressure and pain of the most exquisite unable to describe kind which excites me yet fills me with dread every time I need to take a step.

I miss going outside.

I miss browsing through shops.

I miss walking and movement and swimming.

I miss life but I’m standing here with one foot heavy and swollen with pregnancy and the other a step forward waiting, needing and willing to rush on. Become a new mother. A mother of two beautiful children who I love more than anything. Already.

I am vulnerable because I am left alone in the evening whilst my partner provides for us and I miss him so much. I don’t want to show my vulnerable side, I want him to be proud and witness the birth of our child alongside the rebirth of me. I want to show him just how much I love him and what I can give to him and for him to say you did this, I’m so proud, and no matter how or where or what he will say and think and feel this anyway. But there is that part of me that thinks I do not deserve him if I can not birth properly.

I do not deserve his pride if my body fails me, to birth our son.

Relax they say. Relax and enjoy these last few days and babies come when babies are ready and I know this is fact and true and rational but I am lying here, tears falling freely already grieving a birth I haven’t had yet because of time restraints. Limits.

I feel vulnerable. I want to embrace this birth that I have dreamed of having because I felt like I failed at the last one. That detrimental shadow that has haunted my mental health for eight long years because I couldn’t birth my daughter. Those weeks I felt of failure whilst healing prevented us from thriving and I am terrified of that same process happening again.

October 2, 2018
How To Budget Your Student Finance

Budgeting your student finance can be a real stress for new university students. There are so many variables when you first attend university as a student and often the first amount of money can be a bit overwhelming, especially if you haven’t had to control much of your own finances before. For us, as a family, student finance is here to support our family lifestyle as well as being able to support my partners studies. For some others, as your student finance is reliant on your parents income, the support offered can be minimal and therefore the student will need to work to be able to afford to live. It can be very tough with high rent prices, feeding and looking after yourself. However, it is important to stay in control of your student finances because you need to take care of yourself to be able to study well and you should be able to enjoy the social aspect that university offers.

How Much Student Finance?

It’s really hard to give a figure on what you get but when you apply for student finance they will give you the amount in advance so you will know how much you will be getting. This is split into three payments in the first semester, usually around the end of September, second semester in January and then the third and final payment will be paid in May. The third payment is usually the biggest payment because for many students there are more expenses over the summer holidays such as getting back home, paying rent for longer and possibly moving out if you have been living in halls. However, your transport costs are usually less as most University courses end at the end of May. Be mindful that your next student finance payment will be close to the end of September again so you may have to make the money stretch even further.

Prioritise your bills first

I know this sounds really obvious but honestly, I’ve been there myself with managing my own student finance previously and I have learned from my mistakes for sure. This time around we are prioritising our rent, council tax and Adam’s train fare to and from University. If you can, pay your rent in a bulk payment to cover three months at a time. This will take the stress of knowing that where you live is secure and also if you are working you won’t need to dip into your wages for rent payments and can keep a steady balance in your bank account. Not all students will be responsible for paying Council Tax but as we are a family and living in our own accommodation this is something we need to take care of ourselves.

Train fare is one not everyone will have to pay either however if you do not live local to your university or you are commuting from your parents house there are a few ways you can save money. Firstly, get your NUS card sorted. This offers you some fantastic discounts and is £12 for one year, £22 for two years and £32 for three years. This should arrive within 7 days of being dispatched and is easy to apply for online. After you have received this you can take advantage of 12% off a 16-25 railcard which is priced at £30 a year. You can then use this railcard at any point during the year, it doesn’t have to just be for going to and from University and will save you a third on rail travel. You can very quickly save enough money to cover the cost of your railcard and NUS card with these savings and discounts.

Switching Where You Shop

One thing that students often need help with is food shopping and sometimes it’s just not a priority. However, bad nutrition isn’t good for you when you’re studying which can be a really intense time. My advice would be to shop at Aldi or Lidl if possible because you will absolutely save money. Take some time to plan your meals and write out a shopping list, taking into consideration what you already have and what you can easily make into a meal. I have often been able to feed the three of us on £35 a week from these shops and when you’re living on student finance and maybe a small top up of wages each month the more savings you can make the better. Also, don’t worry about frozen or tinned fruit and veg, it’s cheaper and still an alternative to not having any goodness with your meals. Finding out when food has been reduced, particularly meat, and popping it in the freezer can also help you save a bit of money. Again, using your student card can help you save money when it comes to clothes and other essentials. You could consider using DealsDaddy to save money on University essentials like stationary, clothing and footwear.

Taking Care of Your Family

If you have children or a partner that depends on you financially then you may feel obliged to take care of them. I can honestly say getting those priority bills taken care of and switching where you do a food shop will already help to take care of your family ensuring you have money left over for emergencies. You can often get a childcare allowance which will help with childcare costs if that is an expense you have. If you’re children are older they may qualify for early years funding which reduces what you pay and if you have older children the parent learners allowance can really help when it comes to school trips, school uniform or other things they might need.

September 24, 2018
Finance with Finesse – How to Finance Your Car for Your Road Trip

Imagine it – your next road trip has you traversing Australia’s outback in a rugged truck of your choice. Or better yet, hop into the speedster of your dreams to indulge in the many sights that Melbourne, Sydney, or any one of Australia’s great urban centres offer. Then there are the country’s numerous scenic beaches that beckon you to enjoy sand and surf at your leisure.

However, before taking off, you will need new wheels to get you to your destination in style. Financing a vehicle can be a one way ticket to your next road trip. In addition to the many other ways of financing a car today, Latitude can help finance your car in the most efficient, cost-effective way so in no time you can be in the driver’s seat pioneering new paths across the Australian landscape.

Continue reading to learn more about how you can finance a car to make your next road trip a memorable one.

Ascertain The Vehicle’s Purpose

While it is a small factor, knowing how you plan to use your vehicle is a factor you should consider before actually looking for a loan. By doing an assessment of your needs, you might find you can quickly and more accurately find a vehicle that is appropriate for your lifestyle choices, whether these choices include using the vehicle in rugged landscapes or for hanging out on the beach on weekends. Plus, there’s no point on taking in a massive amount of debt if you go on road trips infrequently.

Understand Credit And Your Credit History

By understanding how credit works, you have a better chance at seeking out appropriate financing and knowing how to leverage your credit to gain the advantage when settling on a loan. Factors to pay attention to include knowing your credit score, looking at your debt-to-income ratio, and understanding the remarks related to the accounts on the record. These factors all affect your ability to get financing, and more importantly, directly affect your interest rate.

The ability to get credit varies from individual to individual. Generally, speaking though, the more debt you have reduces the amount you can borrow, and in some cases, requires you make a sizable down payment to reduce the interest rate. Furthermore, derogatory, charge off, and slow payment remarks can hamper financing a car at a reasonable rate. Ultimately, you should check your credit report yearly to make sure that everything on the report reflects your history, as everyone is entitled to at least one free report through any of the major credit bureaus.

Look For Finance

Before settling on one loan, search through the many options available. Today, online technology has made it possible for consumers to finance just about anything through online institutions and options like Pentagon Ford 0%. Furthermore, their interest rates tend to be just as, or much, better than traditional banks and dealerships.

Another go-to are credit unions, which are also known to give consumers competitive rates. Credit unions typically offer their customers lower interest rates when compared to traditional financing options, including dealerships. The point is to do a comprehensive search before settling on a loan.

Get Pre-Approved

Another way to finance your road trip vehicle is to get pre-approved for an amount. This reduces the amount of time shopping for a car and limits your choices simply because it gives you a pre-set budget. Moreover, it streamlines the financing process while at the dealership.

A Vehicle To Your Road Trip

Financing a car has been simplified through the many avenues financial institutions have made available to consumers. The once complicated process, often lasting the entire day, can be transacted within a few hours. For the most part, accessing the financing that will place you in your new road trip car begins with being armed with the right information and being prepared to find the next great deal.

This is a collaborative post.

September 24, 2018