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This has been something I almost new was a certainty but didn’t want to admit it. Home education has been a back and fourth in my mind, and in conversations with my daughter for a really long time and the first week back after the January term started I finally made the decision and deregistered my daughter from her secondary school.

This blog probably wouldn’t have started, or not how it did, had I not been a parent. Much of my early days writing involved my daughter and learning how to parent. I was 21 when I became a parent for the first time and it was incredibly daunting but she was, and remains a light in my life. Without going in to things too much, the last few years have been hard. She has experienced some difficult things and her mental health has suffered for it, not to mention being (probably) neurodivergent and a hormonal teenager trying to understand herself and find her place in the world. Teenage years are hard, confusing and another stage where I feel like, as a parent, I’m treading water far too deep and I’m tired.

I’ve written about emotionally based school avoidance and how stressful it is. It’s stressful because I know I have to work within the law to ensure she has access to full time education but school avoidance is incredibly tough to manage. It is not the same as just wanting a day off every so often, it is a daily fight to try and convince your child to go somewhere that makes them feel unsafe, vulnerable, anxious, unheard and overwhelmed. It’s horrible and exhausting. To then have the school or agencies involved consistently telling you that you’re a failure, not good enough, threatened with fines but really not willing to make any accommodations, support an EHCP properly, help with diagnosis for mental health and neurodivergences, give consistent pastoral support, refer for alternative provision or really follow up with any suggestion to try and ease home and school life and fight for your child’s right to an education leaves you an utter shell of yourself. It is not a sustainable way of life and no wonder so many parents are considering or have made the decision to go ahead with home education for their children.

My one experience of Home education was during the pandemic, which really was not home education it was a panic of crisis schooling and the decision was made for me, not because it was for the best. It was an out of my hands situation and I am sure everyone did the best they could to facilitate it. It was stressful and I was determined from that point on that I wouldn’t be capable of providing sufficient home education. However, that was a long time ago, and a lot has changed since then. My perspective on what really matters has changed, my confidence has grown thanks to my own diagnosis of AuDHD and therapy. My daughter has always struggled from the demands of school and is high masking so whilst at school she was a ‘completely different person’ the meltdowns out of school never stopped. I thought, in my lack of understanding, her tantrums on the way home from school would be something she would grow out of, and whilst they changed, they never stopped. A result of unhealthy masking in a system that is not made for neurodivergent children. Throw in a few years of utter chaos and a pandemic and then expect that not to have a lasting and detrimental effect on mental health, I believe, is what has lead to this huge rise in EBSA.

I have spent the last week or so fully reading up and researching guidelines and what is expected of me and the local authority. I have an extensive list of resources, of ideas to try and work on but most importantly I have had an open discussion with my daughter about boundaries and expectations. I think the biggest thing that convinced me it was possible was that we can remove the pressure of school. Right now, we don’t need to think about GCSE’s and future plans, although we will have that discussion and I know what to do and how to ensure she gets to do any GCSE’s or exams should she want to. However, she can do those whenever she wants, she doesn’t have to do them right now, and she doesn’t have to do them in subjects she has no interest in or desire to pursue in her future. Post-16 education can be done at home or we can look at ways she can enter and engage with college. Education never stops, there are no time limits on education. As long as I provide her with a full time education suitable to her age, ability and aptitude then we have a lot of freedom of how that looks.

Whilst any change requires a transition period to make those changes, home education begins when you deregister. You can’t just wait until they feel like it and have to be proactive in ensuring there is a broad range of things to do. I thought this had to cost a lot of money and this was something that was really holding me back, but it doesn’t. There are an abundance of free resources available, free trials, free lessons and content to learn from. There will be some trial and error, learning together and finding out what my daughters strengths are when it comes to learning but we are and will continue to work on that.

We already have things in the home that can be used to facilitate learning. We already have the internet and devices to access online resources and apps. We already have a huge range of graphic novels, fiction and non fiction books. I have a stack of recipe cards from previous Hello Fresh boxes and cookbooks that can be used. We have games, puzzles, toys, stationary and sketchbooks. Not to mention, I have ADHD, I have a cupboard full of hobby ideas that have long since retired to said cupboard. I have a violin, a guitar, a keyboard, a DSLR camera, a subscription to Canva and lightroom, many craft kits and journals and notebooks I’ve not used yet. If anything, it might actually help declutter some of these things that have just been lying around.

As for SEN provision, well, I guess I am a SEN adult, as I have learning disabilities and I have researched these extensively. I know a lot about ADHD and ASD which means I know how to facilitate learning that allows for these traits to flourish instead of hinder. If the conversation goes from leap to leap, if we need to move or fidget or have noise to help focus and concentrate, then we can. There will never be a punishment for a neurodivergent need. My daughters traits may differ than some, but it makes me more qualified to help her find her learning style than someone that has no understanding of neurodivergences, but more importantly, no wish to help accommodate neurodivergence in their method of teaching. I am not a teacher, I am a parent, and more than anything I care about my child being happy and confident in who they are.

I expect the previous school my daughter attended (who to be honest are probably relieved to not have her as the burden they have made me feel like she is to them) to focus on my non-compliance to take her to have a nose piercing removed. They will focus on my daughters unwillingness to adhere to their policy for school uniform. They will ignore the drastic failures, misery and anxiety they have caused by not listening to her. I still feel a little anxious despite removing the demand, I still feel like I have to do what the school wants instead in place of what my daughter needs and I am still anxious that they will attempt unnecessary contact. The non-acknowledgement of deregistration isn’t unheard of, or a problem really, but I have been in fight mode for so long I am not quite able to regulate from it.

However, for the last few days my daughter has been relaxed. I know every day will have its challenges but I hope with the demand removed from school, education and learning will no longer be completely inaccessible to her. After all, a school is not fulfilling their obligation of full time education when they are putting students in isolation all the time. Thankfully, that never has to happen again.

Currently, as of 2025, the education in place in England as it stands right now is sub par, exclusionary and archaic. Mainstream school with the current national curriculum that has been in place for decades does not adhere to the growing technological and multicultural country we live in. It is outdated for a modern age. Huge change needs to happen to the subjects being taught and more flexibility for all students. If the system worked, why do we have huge numbers of children not in school? Why is anxiety based school avoidance becoming stronger than ever? Why are students telling their parents they don’t feel safe in school? Why is there more and more coverage on this around the country?

A free education is an excellent thing and to be able to access it is a privilege that I do not take for granted, particularly as a woman where I know around the world my gender would have negative sanctions and my human rights would be second class. I am grateful that I had the freedom to access what I did and that my daughter also has this freedom. However, in an ever-changing, unpredictable world things are being modernised, so why is the education our children receive being ignored? Why are schools insisting on sticking to rules and policies that diminishes a person’s sense of self. Policies and procedures that only care about attendance, conforming to perceived social norms rather than an individuals desire for autonomy. Caring more about maintaining an outdated image for really no good reason instead of creating a nurturing and open environment for children to learn and flourish in.

The biggest problem is this ‘one size fits all’ approach to education when it quite clearly does not fit all. It does not fit students who are struggling with their mental health. It does not fit all neurodivergent students. It does not fit all disabled students. It does not fit all students who have experienced loss, grief and trauma. It does not fit all students because every single student learns and processes information differently. It does not fit all genders. It does not fit all cultures. It does not fit.

Allow policies and procedures that benefit disadvantaged students, and everyone will benefit. Help the less privileged first, and all will benefit. Adapting and being flexible in this world is necessary to surviving yet how are young people supposed to learn that if the place they spend the most important years of absorbing information, learning social norms and growing as individuals will not adapt or be flexible. It is so opposed to the nature in which we have to survive.

I don’t disagree that there are currently some students that thrive in the current setting, but do you know where students thrive the most? Places where they don’t have to follow the national curriculum like private schools and home educators. Where classes are kept small, adaptable, personal and reflect an individuals passions. So I suppose it comes down to a classist issue then? Those that can’t afford financially or have the time, ability or mental strength to home educate are left with a shocking system that will constantly flaunt GCSE results at you and Ofsted reports but I don’t care about that and I know I am not the only parent that does.

Do you know what I care about? My child being allowed to go to the toilet when she needs to or the privacy and respect to change a menstruation product without explicitly stating to a teacher when she is embarrassed. My child being able to eat her lunch without feeling rushed because she will be punished with detentions for being late. A place where my child isn’t forced to give answers to questions based on a teacher randomly picking someone to speak out loud. A place where my child feels comfortably to question why things are the way they are and getting a calm and responsible approach rather than a power struggle of school acting as an authority. A place where teachers are encouraging and empathetic to the fact that every child learns in their own unique way.

Instead we are faced with expensive, branded uniforms, where shirts have to be tucked in and skirts can not be a certain length, and hair must only be blonde, brown or ginger. Oh but hair isn’t allowed to be cut too short, boys can’t have any sort of style shaved into their hair. No piercings are allowed, even if they are of legal age to have them because someone outside the school might find it offensive. The lie that it teaches students to be appropriate for the workplace is laughable because, well, you can get a job or work wherever you want and if a place doesn’t like piercings or hair colours or tattoos…you can find somewhere that does! And there are so many places that don’t discriminate against this sort of thing either. Not to mention workplaces that require a uniform usually provide it or an allowance for it. And on the topic of uniform, why does an 11 to 16 year old need a full suit to go to school? It’s uncomfortable. If you want to insist on a uniform why are you making it so inaccessible in terms of cost and sensory issues? Surely you realise if students were comfortable they would be able to focus more on learning?

I don’t really oppose uniform but why can’t any black trousers and a white polo top and jumper be enough? Why are we going through all these hoops to make children dress as adults? And who does it help or serve? If, as an adult, they want to wear a suit to work then they can choose to do that then, they will have already had the habit of a uniform even if it was kept simple. How do small, subtle piercings detract from a students ability to learn? (they don’t, some people don’t like them so want to punish everyone and hold it over them because they want everyone to look the same or fit in with their standards of beauty). And the length of skirts or wearing leggings being such an issue is because men sexualise girls and women, so instead of addressing the issue of ‘women can wear what they want, keep your hands and thoughts to yourself’ they make women conform so that men can’t get distracted. It’s disgusting quite frankly.

I am fed up of being the parent that just bows down to a school who thinks they have authority over my child’s wellbeing, when they don’t. I am fed up with fighting my child instead of the system that is causing her so much anguish. I am fed up with having no control over a system that doesn’t work and that just keeps having plasters put over the top of the cracks instead of addressing the issue and asking why it isn’t working and how can we fix it. Speak to the parents, ask them how schools and local authorities can do better, don’t just keep adding fines or insisting that children are registered with a provider that might not be safe for them.