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  • I’m Too Fat To Be Body Positive

    I’m Too Fat To Be Body Positive

    On one hand I see slimmer women from magazines, airbrushed and photoshopped giving me an unrealistic view of beauty and health and on the other I see women the same size as me confident and content with their bodies. I can’t help but feel what is wrong with me. I am not body confident, the way I look disgusts me.

    It’s totally my fault of course because I own my body and I have made the decisions that make it the way it is right now. I ate the food, I moved less, I had children and in those years I’ve created a mindset that has a unhealthy view of food. I restrict then binge, yo-yo diet and workout but then I get complacent, or bored, or lose willpower or feel pressured and I stop. My attitude towards food is unhealthy and my attitude towards exercise is it’s painful and I feel humiliated doing it.

    But I see so many women, some the same size, some larger than me loving themselves and I don’t understand what there is to love. I don’t love anything about my body, I don’t love anything about the way I look. I don’t have respect or pride for my scars and stretchmarks. All I see is fatty flesh, shoulders too big for my small head, horrible hair that never looks right however it’s cut, makeup that I can’t ever “do” proplerly so it always looks cakey no matter my budget. I see tiny hands with bitten nails, hard skin, soft pudgy bits that don’t sit right in any clothes. I feel chub rub, boob sweat and all the aches and pains that come with carrying excess fat around my body. Do these body positive, body confident women not feel these things either? Is there something wrong with me that only I suffer with these problems of being so overweight?

    Do they not find it hard getting in and out of the bath? Do they not have to put the shampoo and conditioner in reach before getting in because the tyres around their middle prevent them actually reaching forward enough? Do they not sweat so much it makes them embaressed to go outside? Do they not look at themselves and the sag and excess skin and sretch marks and wish at times they could just unzip it at the back and step out of this fat suit? If they don’t feel like this then why do I feel like this if I am “one of them”

    I do not want to be so slim and so ripped. I don’t need loads of muscles on show or eight abs. I don’t care about having a bit of a mum pouch from my two c-sections. I just want to wear a pair of jeans from a supermarket rather than expensive shops dedicated to plus sizes. I want to buy a bra that costs £6 instead of £36. I want to have a healthy respect for my body and a positive relationship with food.

    I do not want to spend the next thirty years of my life stepping on and off the sad step until I reach my target weight and then obsessing over maintaining that weight for years to come. I do not want to have to restrict myself from food groups forever. I just want to be able to understand when I’m full and to have enough. I don’t want to have to overeat to the point of discomfort and I want to continue actually really enjoying food because it tastes so good. I don’t want to be stuck on a traffic light system focusing in on labels for the rest of my life in case something is too fatty or too high in sugar.

    I want to learn to trust myself to make healthy choices and to enjoy movement. I want to be a good role model to my kids and show them that being healthy is not about being thin but it is about mental relationships. I do not want my children to live a live of obsession over their weight but how can I prevent that when the way I look disgusts me and drives me own obsession with diet culture.

    I feel pressured, overwhelmed and disgusted at myself and I do not know where to start. I am too fat to be body positive and I am too fat to be healthy.

    Woman looking out the window, blog post on how I'm too fat to feel body positive text in white on orange background at the top of the image. #bodypositive #fat #plussize #lifestyle #womenshealth
  • My Fairy Garden: Fairy Kitchen Garden Review #AD

    My Fairy Garden: Fairy Kitchen Garden Review #AD

    My Fairy Garden: Fairy Kitchen Garden was sent to us in exchange for this blog post. All opinions remain my own. This post may contain advertisement and affiliate links.

    I thought the Fairy Kitchen Garden would be something my mum would enjoy doing with Evie as she loves gardening and Evie is always picking her raspberries and “helping” her in the summer. My mum looks after Evie for a couple of hours every other Friday before she goes to her dads so it was a good chance for them to do something together.

    Fairy Kitchen Garden comes with a planter, Fairy, Fairy House and some pea shoots for planting. You just need to provide your own soil to create a lovely little Fairy Garden. When the pea shoots have grown through you can snip them off and eat them so I also thought it would be a great chance for Evie to learn a bit about growing food too.

    The Fairy Kitchen Garden is lovely and currently has pride of place in my mums Kitchen. Evie and her spent some time putting it together and then planting the seeds. The seeds need to be soaked in water between 6 and 24 hours before planting so I would recommend taking them out and popping in water the night before you want to make the Fairy Kitchen Garden.

    It’s quite simple to put the Fairy Kitchen Garden together and really does look very cute. It’s so quick and simple and a great activity to do with kids as it’s something that is quick to do at first but takes a bit of time to see something grow so it’s nice to see Evie want to help look after something, and hopefully, be proud of what she’s grown.

    We have just started seeing some of the first shoots come through which has really excited Evie!

    My Fairy Garden: Fairy Kitchen Garden is from Interplay and is available to buy on Amazon.

  • Felix at 5 Months

    These five months really are flying past! Not too much has changed since Felix’s last update at 4 months apart from him getting longer and heavier and now in his 6-9 month wardrobe. I need to start looking for summer clothes for him in 9-12 months as I imagine at this rate we will be needing to reach for those larger sizes around May.

    We are also looking at what we need for weaning Felix at six months. We did try him on a few simple purees at 4 months because of his reflux as I was advised that it might make things better but it ended in a nasty bit of constipation so felt he just wasn’t ready. I am really excited about weaning though and hope to do a more baby lead weaning approach this time around as I didn’t with Evie.

    We are on the lookout for a decent highchair, preferably one that we can adjust the height of and there are a few I have my eye on. I am also looking forward to introducing a cup with food for Felix to try drinking water with as I am hoping with the addition of tap water and food his reflux and constipation will be a lot less problematic.

    We have the signs of his first tooth coming through and he’s had some really nasty teething spells but it hasn’t quite cut through yet. He has a really strong gummy grip and benefits from chowing down on something and teething gel seems to have a dramatic difference to his symptoms. He gets very red cheeked and the dribble is crazy!

    He is constantly pulling himself up when sat on us to sit up and his back is much straighter when he’s sitting but he can not sit without support just yet. He also loves to use his legs and stand with support. He can hold himself up for a few moments when held and really pushes his feet down into the floor or a hard surface. When on his tummy he will do a sort of backwards baby plank with his legs but he hasn’t quite got it in him to get onto his arms. Felix will sometimes do a bit of a superman pose on his front and he is starting to sort of shuffle around a little on his tummy. He is still rotating around on his playmat and very frequently rolls onto his side and shuffles around that way. I really don’t think it will be long until he is rolling back and fourth a bit more regularly.

    His routine still seems to be three-hourly during the day but he sometimes only naps for around ten minutes resulting in a very overtired baby. He finds it very hard to get comfortable and sleep if he’s constipated so we are doing lots of bicycle legs and gentle tummy massages to help – and it does help him a lot which is good. Feeding him only takes around 5 minutes now on a medium flow teat of 6oz. He finishes each bottle but we have found increasing to 7oz makes his reflux worse and he just seems to be overfeeding on that last ounce. He has started to hold his bottle himself.

    It’s very clear when he’s unhappy as he makes a long “Ummm” sound which sounds very much like “Mum” so I hope that will turn into his first real word. Of course I know he doesn’t mean me, he just means “I AM VERY BORED AND UNHAPPY NOW PLEASE MOVE ME” He likes to laugh at mirror reflections of himself or of anyone laughing. It could be us or someone on the TV, he loves the sound of laughter but no one makes him laugh and smile like Evie does. It’s really incredible how much children tend to respond to other children actually even with an 8 year age gap!

    He has his next Vaccinations coming up as he had to miss his last set due to having a bit of a cold – thanks to teething, and we all had colds. I’m glad this is his last set for a while.

  • How To Change Junior School Mid Year

    This is how to change junior schools mid year when your child is unhappy at their current place of education. Evangeline started Junior School in September 2018 and nothing has made her more miserable. It was a tough start to the school year with me being heavily pregnant, having Felix and then recovering from a more complicated c-section than everyone expected.

    I thought Junior School would be a little more challenging than Infant School but I was not prepared for an incredibly insensitive teacher, harder behaviour from Evangeline herself and the ridiculous amount of homework she was coming home with. Nor was I prepared for the anxiety and fear of school that she developed, the tears at apparently having no friends, the constant fear of being reprimanded and losing out on play time. It was time to move schools and I am so pleased to say that for the last two weeks she has been settling into a new environment really well.

    How to Change Junior School Mid Year

    I first contacted the school I wanted her to go to to see what the process of transfer was to be told they were full and that she would have to go on the waiting list. So that is what I did. Continue reading to find out how to change junior school mid year.

    How Do You Add Your Child To A Junior School Waiting List?

    I recommend calling the school to find out there process. I also recommend speaking with the current school to see if the situation could be met in partnership. I met with the deputy head but nothing changed. I spoke to fellow parents who had had a negative experience with this particular teacher and after talking with Evie we felt it was the best decision to change.

    I then applied through our county council school application process clicking through to the Change School Mid Year application rather than a new Junior school place. In hindsight I wish I had put her new school down as our first choice as she may have started Junior School where she is now but I thought we’ve put up with it this long and hoped for the best when she was in Year 2.

    About a week later I received a letter from the new school saying that unfortunately the school was at capacity for Year 3 and Evangeline would be placed on the waiting list. What I didn’t know was that her new school only has two classes per year group so is much smaller and only has 64 children per year. Her old school had 96 children over three classes so was quite a lot bigger. She was also already in her catchment school which was an hour round walk at 8am and 2.45pm every day. Her new school is much closer but we are right on the border for catchment which is why she didn’t get in originally when I applied for Reception.

    I applied in November and we were thankfully offered a place in the middle of January so the process of moving up the waiting list happened very quickly which really surprised me. I was seriously contemplating removing her from her old school and homeschooling until she had a new place. Thankfully it didn’t come to that.

    What Happens When You Are Offered A New School Place?

    When we were offered a place at the new Junior School we were offered a chance for Evangeline to come and have a look around and to ask any questions. We met with one of the assistant head teachers who talked passionately about the school’s curriculum, how they are using current funding to really drive forward a child’s learning and the extra activities the school offers. Not that I care that much about Ofsted but the new Junior School was rated Outstanding opposed to her old school which was lower and do you know what you could really tell why.

    Once we had a look around we were handed some paperwork and had ten days to respond to the offer letter. I accepted verbally over the phone and brought in the paperwork the next day, alongside a birth certificate for Evie and two forms for proof of address. This was on the Friday were Evie got a chance to meet her new year three teacher after another hard day at her old school. She was very ready to leave after meeting her new teacher so we actually started a week ahead of schedule and she started on Monday. The process can go really very quickly if you’re prepared for it to.

    Evangeline started her new school on 28th January 2019 and the change has been dramatic. We are starting to see the best of her again.

  • Seperating From Your Child During School Holidays

    One thing I think a lot of parents feel awkward after deciding to end the relationship is the split for the school holidays. On one hand if you are confidently co-paring and in partnership with your ex partner they can be managed really well, particularly if you’re both working parents as neither one should have to take all of their holiday or foot the bill for holiday childcare (in theory). You may have an agreement more similar to mine though where you’re not really co-parenting for many reasons due to the nature of the previous relationship or distance. For me, it’s both.

    I moved back to my home town with Evangeline when I became a single parent which is around 100 miles away from her dad. So when it comes to the day to day it’s down to me to do everything, with the help of Adam of course, but before Felix came along I was clearly the parent and Adam the partner. Evie would dance off to her dads with glee at all the presents she would be given, all the sweets and sugar and fun days out. I am, as my friend Jade at The Parenting Jungle said the everyday mummy.

    So in these last almost seven years the split of the school holidays has been both hard and a relief. It’s been hard because it’s more than the every other weekend which has provided me with a chance to shop in peace or go out without the need for a babysitter with Adam. It’s been hard knowing that my daughter is having fun without me and doing things that I can not provide her with as frequently. It’s knowing that every six weeks or so she has an extended break from me, from everyday mummy, from routine which means when she is home there’s another adjustment period. It’s been a relief because it’s been a bit of respite for me, it’s been a chance for me to have private time with Adam which has helped our relationship grow into the loving and strong partnership it is today. It’s given us time to get to know each other as individuals not parents. It’s given me the break that mums want from time to time to catch their breathe whilst knowing their child is being well looked after.

    Things feel different now that we have another child in the home. Evangeline and Felix are really developing a bond and whilst of course I don’t want her to miss out on time with her Dad and his family, I also don’t want her to feel like she’s missing out on the things we will be doing here as a family too now that our cinema dates are going to be swapped for baby bedtime routines and soft play once again.

    Our plan over the term time holidays is quite simple really. For one week half terms Evangeline is away for four nights and five days. When it comes to Christmas Evangeline either goes the day she finishes school until Boxing Day or Boxing Day until New Years Day. For the Easter break she has six nights with her dad and then amongst her weekends away over the summer holiday she also spends two weeks of the six weeks with him. In comparison, especially over the summer holidays, she is still with us the majority of the time which can be quite tough as like most parents we can’t afford to do something fun and exciting every day. We have a summer holiday booked and I’m sure we will make a few day trips but mostly Adam we will still be working, doing the usual trips to the park, seeing family and having PJ Days.

    Being the ordinary parent, the basic parent, the one that meets the day to day needs, the school runs, the constant battle to tidy her room, take your plate out please, put your rubbish in the bin kind of mum I don’t really know if Evangeline enjoys her break time with me. It certainly feels like she prefers her time with her dad which is more exciting as it’s not the ordinary, the routine and the mundane. It makes seperating from her during the holidays harder because amongst missing her I feel jealous that I can’t give her more. I just hope that as she gets older she appreciates that we are doing the best we can to give her a fun, enjoyable and balanced childhood.