Candyfloss & Dreams

Tag: pregnancy

My Tips for Writing a Book
I’ve been writing a book on my pregnancy and now I’m in the final stages of editing it so that I can get it ready to publish. It’s been a lot of hard work especially since Felix was born but ultimately I had to wait until he had been born to share that final part of the story.

I’m writing about having a high risk pregnancy because of my BMI and after doing some research found lots of other women felt guilty and that they were forced into making decisions they didn’t fully want to commit to. This lead me to writing a book on how BMI really affects pregnancy and the fact that just because you are high risk does not mean your maternal rights are relinquished to the powers that be.

7 Tips For Writing a Book

Writing a book about this experience has involved a lot of time, research, edits, tears and doing this all the time whilst pregnant and having a newborn baby. Most of the work was done pre baby but there’s still a lot to do before I’m ready to publish. However I wanted to share some top tips on things for those that also want to write a book and I hope that these help you.
1. Set yourself a publishing deadline. This will make you work for it. I have mine set for 30th November as I felt that was enough time to research, write and edit. I knew I would have to finalise my book with a newborn and that pushed me to getting most of the work done before he was here.
2. Do your research and make sure your sources are credible if you’re writing non fiction. I’ve made it very clear in my book that it’s all about sharing my own personal experience having a high risk pregnancy. The book is more about the importance of I individualised care and I in no way recommend any medical procedure as I am not qualified to do so. I do however reinforce the fact that women have rights and can accept or decline any decision based on informed consent and discussion.
3. Set yourself a daily word count. This will ensure that the content gets done and the hard work can be done during editing.
4. Edit a chapter at a time. I found editing a whole book a bit intimidating and overwhelming so I am going through a chapter at a time, sometimes a couple in one day but making sure I take breaks away from the words so that I’m editing in the best way possible.
5. Get a proof reader. This is next on my to do list and I’m hoping to have a couple of people proof read what I have to help me further the editing process.
6. Print and read. Before I do my final draft ready for publishing I will be printing and reading the book myself so that I know it makes sense. I always find its easier to spot mistakes on paper than on the screen although I intend to only make a ebook and kindle version of my book. I still want it to be right.
7. Next up I need to learn all I can about self publishing so that I can officially launch and hopefully at least one person will buy it! I’m excited about being an author even if it’s in a different direction than I ever thought but still, an author all the same, it’s a bit of a dream come true really!
October 19, 2018
The Positive Birth Story of Felix

I wanted to write my birth story fairly early whilst I still remember most of the details.

The plan: High BMI VBAC at Home
The Result: Unplanned C-Section

I’m glad to finally be able to share my birth story with you and the birth of my second child. What I have learned is that a positive experience does not always mean one that goes to plan, but that from the experience – that takes time to process, and will take more time in the case of the birth of my son, you feel positive. I can not fault the care I received during labour, delivery and post natal whilst at Basingstoke hospital. I have felt listened to, respected, cared for and most importantly completely supported and looked after thanks to the Hampshire Hospitals maternity team.

My beautiful son was born at 8.46pm and delivered by a second unplanned cesarean section weighing 9lbs9oz at 40+13 weeks. He arrived into the world with shocks and surprised at his size on Thursday 4th October after a pretty lengthy labour. This was kicked off with a cervical sweep at 12noon on Wednesday 3rd October, with tightenings and a bit of a show from 3pm. I was booked in for 9.30am the next day to my hospital to have my waters broken if things had not progressed. I am so pleased, and proud of myself, that they did. I called my wonderful Doula around 10pm who helped me set up the environment in the living room with tea lights. I was using my birthing ball and keeping hydrated. I got a couple of hours sleep to try and conserve my energy a bit and made great use of up breathing and my Babycare TENS machine. By around 8.30am I was struggling a little and wanted some more pain relief so we went in to hospital for 9.30am as expected and I was taken straight to a delivery room.

C-Section Recovery: Just after surgery losing 1.5 litres of blood, very dosed up with a very alert baby boy!

I was introduced to my midwife and student midwife who would be looking after me and I accepted an examination to find I had got to three cm and full effacement so I requested to wait to break my waters and the midwives were happy with that. I also accepted a CTG trace for 30 minutes whilst bouncing on the ball as I was hoping for a VBAC and due to my size it was a bit of a challenge getting a good read on my baby’s heart rate. After the trace the midwives were happy to resume intermittent monitoring for the rest of my labour. After 4 hours I accepted another examination and I was found at 4cm. Things had not progressed as quickly as I would have liked and so I accepted having my waters broken to try and help things along a little bit. Once this was done things began to get a little intense for me.

Up until this point my labour had been everything I wanted however eventually I was struggling to differentiate between the contractions and I wasn’t actually noticing any breaks or dips in the pain. I was saying I couldn’t cope anymore, I was sick a couple of times and I wanted to stop. Something in my mind was telling me that this was, sadly, not the transitional period we were hoping it was. At 7pm I accepted another examination to find there had been no progress. I was getting worried about the amount of pain I was in and how difficult it was for the midwives to get a heartbeat from my baby. It was at this point I requested we go to theatre for a c-section. This was never what I wanted but ultimately, I am incredibly happy with my decision, especially with what I know now. I met the obstetrician who talked me through the consent form and explained the surgery. I was feeling really very anxious at this point and as they had to take away the gas and air and my TENS machine I was struggling but tried using up breathing, relaxing my jaw and shoulders through each contraction as I was taken into theatre. Thankfully the surgery was done under a spinal block which was a little hard to administer but eventually we got there.

Surgery took longer than expected as when the doctors got to my uterus they found more scar tissue and a hole in my womb. They found a very weak uterus that hadn’t been contracting as effectively as it should have been which could have been due to a number of things. My BMI was one, his size was another and unfortunately this just was not meant to be for me. Now I know this I feel even better that at the time I made the best decision for everyone and that has made this birth a really positive one for me. At no point did I feel out of control or disrespected. I love the fact that most of the people in theatre were women including the three amazing doctors who put me back together again. I loved seeing Adam holding our son by our head. I think we had optimal cord clamping which I requested and I would have liked to hold him however I was really feeling quite unwell during the surgery and I ended up falling asleep after asking the anaesthetist if it was safe to do so. I then got to carry my son through to recovery where we did get some of that lovely skin to skin and I got to see his beautiful face properly.

The moment your children meet each other is one of the most amazing, magical moments I have ever experienced.

Adam and my Doula Sophie were so amazing and the team that took care of me offered so many lovely congratulations. I ended up staying in hospital until Sunday 7th October and I’m now continuing to recover at home. Family and friends have been amazingly supportive and I cant wait to get back up on my feet again properly. I am so pleased and proud to introduce everyone to my little boy Felix David Locke. Despite what has happened I still passionately believe in birth planning and I think all of the preparation I did with Hypnobirthing, particularly The Digital Pack by the Positive Birth company, having my amazingly wonderful Doula to support me through pregnancy and a very loving, kind and compassionate partner made this the most positive birth I could have had. It just seems I am that woman and I am one of the statistics. But I am here, I am safe, and I am teary but so happy. I really believe sharing birth stories helps women come to terms with any fear they may feel and I honestly believe the amount of information I consumed during pregnancy was so beneficial. Sharing my birth story is, I hope, a way of giving back to those women and to also say that despite things going differently, I am feeling really well in myself.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

October 10, 2018
Vulnerable

There is only so much information you can bring into yourself during a time of vulnerability. You can plan and process and positive think you’re way through but ultimately you are going to have times where you feel like you fail.

There will always be times where you compare yourself to others and that will bring on tears, frustration, guilt and desperation. It will make you feel inadequate doubting your own ability, mindset, body and femininity.

There is no right or wrong way to give birth. But why do I feel like my body doesn’t work properly? Because I seem to carry longer than term. Because everyone is asking me is it now? Well meaning wishes and text and phone calls come through. I lurk on social media rather than join in as I feel myself closing in on myself but really I feel resentment and sadness.

It’s like I’m grieving for an experience I don’t feel I will ever get to have without a form of augmentation.

I feel like less of a woman because my body doesn’t seem to do what it is build to do on a timescale I don’t even feel is right for my body.

I tell myself this all the time. My baby is measuring big or ahead but my boyfriend shares his DNA and is tall. And I am not tall. And my last baby was at 42 weeks and induced and babies follow a pattern but my body still hasn’t started labour despite by date of conception I feel I am only 39 weeks and 1 day.

I feel crumpled and sore, swollen, shrunken and sadness. I feel let down by my own body. A soft and thin cervix that has started to change and shift and move to make way for the baby pressing down. I feel every movement from hands to legs to rolls. I feel pressure and pain of the most exquisite unable to describe kind which excites me yet fills me with dread every time I need to take a step.

I miss going outside.

I miss browsing through shops.

I miss walking and movement and swimming.

I miss life but I’m standing here with one foot heavy and swollen with pregnancy and the other a step forward waiting, needing and willing to rush on. Become a new mother. A mother of two beautiful children who I love more than anything. Already.

I am vulnerable because I am left alone in the evening whilst my partner provides for us and I miss him so much. I don’t want to show my vulnerable side, I want him to be proud and witness the birth of our child alongside the rebirth of me. I want to show him just how much I love him and what I can give to him and for him to say you did this, I’m so proud, and no matter how or where or what he will say and think and feel this anyway. But there is that part of me that thinks I do not deserve him if I can not birth properly.

I do not deserve his pride if my body fails me, to birth our son.

Relax they say. Relax and enjoy these last few days and babies come when babies are ready and I know this is fact and true and rational but I am lying here, tears falling freely already grieving a birth I haven’t had yet because of time restraints. Limits.

I feel vulnerable. I want to embrace this birth that I have dreamed of having because I felt like I failed at the last one. That detrimental shadow that has haunted my mental health for eight long years because I couldn’t birth my daughter. Those weeks I felt of failure whilst healing prevented us from thriving and I am terrified of that same process happening again.

October 2, 2018
What To Expect in the Third Trimester

The third trimester is a hard one in pregnancy. Week by week until Baby is here you and him are getting bigger. Sleep is hard and uncomfortable and sometimes you’re hit with the same symptoms you had in the first trimester. Over the last few weeks I have developed a proper waddle and getting out and about has been hard. In fact I have found from about 35 weeks really hard and I’ve had some tears. I’ve written about all the hormones and emotions I’ve been feeling in pregnancy and how overwhelming they can be.

I have been uncomfortable, my bladder is not what it was, I’m waking up every two hours to pee, I’m hungry all the time, the pressure on my bladder gets a bit much, I struggle getting in and out of the bath, I’ve had pelvis pain and I’m just generally feeling a bit sorry for myself to be honest.

I know that it’s not long now and we are just a few weeks away from meeting my baby and birth will happen. I know that soon it won’t be uncomfortable movements but sleep deprivation and bleeding nipples that make me cry. But I have to say the third trimester, particularly from week 35 has been the hardest for me.

The Third Trimester Box by Baboo Box

Babboo Box are a pregnancy subscription service offering four boxes for pregnancy and post natal. Each box is suitable for each trimester and I was so grateful to receive the Third Trimester Box which is set up with products to make this tough stage of pregnancy a little easier.

Inside the box you have:

a massage roller

cooling and soothing gel for puffy ankles and legs

a wheat bag for hot/cold therapy

baby shower games and mock tail card with straw and umbrella

lip balm

Many of these items are perfect additions to your hospital bag but the cooling gel has been a particular help to me in these last few weeks where I’ve noticed some puffiness in my ankles. Extreme, severe of sudden swollen ankles and hands can be a sign of pre eclampsia and needs a conversation with your midwife however some puffiness and swelling in this late stage of pregnancy, Edema, is quite common and something I have noticed these last few weeks particularly at the end of the day. Rubbing a little of the gel around the swelling has felt amazing and I think has contributed to a better night sleep.

The wheat bag can be heated or cooled depending on your needs and is lovely to relieve any back pain. The lip balm smells amazing too and is an essential in labour, especially if you’re using gas and air.

Having this box of really lovely and useful treats in this last stage of pregnancy has been amazing!

Discomfort and Symptoms

A waddle when I walk and the need to wee every 20 minutes or so. I’ve been avoiding long walks or going places that don’t have a toilet stop on the way. We’ve also forked our for taxi and bus fares to get places that I would usually be able to walk to or had to resort to asking for lifts. At my 36 week appointment I asked for further midwife appointments to be done at my home as I was planning a Home birth anyway.

As the day goes on I’ve had some pelvic pain of which the best thing is exercise but that’s been hard to accomplish and I’ve just not felt like leaving the house. My swimming costume no longer fits and I have struggled finding a plus size maternity costume that doesn’t have a halter neck which I don’t find very supportive. I’m having to switch sides at night when sleeping and using two pregnancy support pillows for my back and legs.

The Third Trimester Hunger

Now this has been unreal I have to say. I am trying to eat little and often throughout the day and continue to drink plenty of water, raspberry red leaf tea and the occasional hot drink. I should be avoiding fizzy drinks and I’ve cut down on them but I still have either Pepsi max or lemonade at least once or twice. I’m having cereal for breakfast and then a mid morning smoothie. I’ve mostly been craving salty or savoury dishes so chicken salads with croutons and anchovies have been something to look forward to and a yoghurt. I’m hungry mid afternoon and will try and hold out until dinner around 6pm if I can by drinking more water or having another yoghurt.

The evenings though, that’s where it really gets me and twenty minutes after I’ve eaten I feel really hungry again. I don’t like drinking too much at night because I already have a really broken sleep and I’m trying to avoid eating all the junk food. I’m going to work on adding more whole grains into my evening meal and more vegetables but mostly I just feel the need to constantly eat. I have honestly not known hunger like third trimester hunger!

Am I Nesting?

I don’t think so but clutter is really annoying me and I want big open spaces. I’ve drawn into myself a lot more and I don’t really like leaving my home at this late stage of pregnancy. However this has lead to a lack of stimulation and a feeling of restlessness and boredom.

The Waiting Game

Now I just feel like I’m waiting for those first signs of labour to be honest. The show, the first period like cramps and a feeling of baby dropping lower into my pelvis. Baby is head down and has been for practically all of my third trimester of pregnancy but I’ve had no other signs so to speak. Now we are just waiting for him to arrive!

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

September 16, 2018
How To Naturally Induce Labour

Thinking of ways to induce labour? I’m currently pregnant for the second time and I am just weeks away from having my second baby. I wanted to share some of the things I will be doing to hopefully induce labour at home and help me have a positive birth experience. If you are currently pregnant and want to induce labour it is important to talk to your midwife about this and discuss ways that will be safe for you. There is little scientific research on whether naturally inducing labour works. It is important to note that some forms of induction of labour can lead to higher rates of assisted deliveries and c-sections. Did you try to induce labour at home? I would love to know if any of these worked for you!

Why Induce Labour?

Many women when they reach full time are both excited about meeting their baby and anxious about the birth. Usually they’re feeling a bit fed up, especially as things start going over the due date. You might find having a due month easier to deal with. It is important to note that only around 5% of babies are born on their due date and most babies are born in week 41 of pregnancy. Your baby will arrive in perfect time on their own schedule. There might be things you can try to help bring labour on at home and avoid going overdue. You don’t have to do any of these things and can simply wait. If you are offered medical intervention or induction and there are no known risks or complications you are within your rights to refuse induction of labour.

Why Do I Want to Induce Labour?

I want to induce labour myself, at home, because I want to avoid having another c-section. I had a lot of problems getting over about 4cm dilated during my last labour and I think one of the big issues for me is fear. This time I am doing a lot more to eliminate fear by planning a home birth and hypnobirthing. Hiring a doula is really helping me prepare for labour and birth too. My enviornment is completely different now. I’m in a happy, loving relationship too and that has made a huge difference to how I am feeling now we are approaching birth.

The Benefits of Oxytocin: The Love Hormone

The main hormone needed for your uterus to contract well and for labour to start at home is Oxytocin. When pregnant women are induced medically they can be given synthetic forms of Oxytocin. However, there are plenty of ways you can naturally allow Oxytocin levels to rise which then bring on contractions.

1. Educate Yourself – learn about how your body works to birth your baby. We know how they come out but often we don’t know what type of environment we need, how our uterus contracts and that in itself can lead to fear. Fear is the enemy of oxytocin and can get you trapped in the fear, tension, pain cycle. This doesn’t need to be from NHS antenatal classes. In fact, I actually recommend The Positive Birth channel on YouTube or a Hypnobirthing class. If you want to induce labour learning on how to increase oxytocin is an amazing place to start.

2. Learn to relax – Again, Hypnobirthing can really help with this. There are plenty of guided hypnobirthing sessions on YouTube that can be really beneficial. Listen to this before you go to sleep, drift off to it. I’ve heard that 16 times is the magic number for your subconscious to start listening so if you can listen to a video for 16 times to help you get in a relaxed state this will massively benefit you during labour. It will help to eliminate fear, get you into the labour land zone and can make inducing labour at home a very relaxing experience. I recommend Mindful Hypnobirthing which includes some free hypnobirthing recordings and creating a playlist on YouTube of your favourite hypnobirthing videos so you can plug in and listen when in labour.

Natural Ways to Induce Labour at Home

Firstly, it’s worth considering that they only way to really induce labour is to relax and wait. Try and eliminate as much stress as possible. I say this because if you’re trying to bring labour it’s still not exactly natural. This is because you’re not waiting for it to begin spontaneously but in fact trying to rush and encourage things. Induction of labour is a completely personal choice. However, if you want to try to induce labour at home without medical intervention there are a few things that are usually safe for you to try. As always, discuss with your midwife first to make sure it’s suitable for you, your body and pregnancy.

Sex

The most talked about way to get labour going is sex. A lot of people say what got the baby in will help get the baby out and this is because sex raises your level of Oxytocin, the love hormone, and this can start contractions. You might find in the second or early stages of the third trimester that sex or an orgasm can lead to Braxton Hicks contractions. This is because your body is producing that hormone and, if you think about it, its a pretty natural thing to happen. It seems that three times is the magic number. Lets face it, if you’re feeling up to it why not enjoy yourselves a bit as a couple before your baby is born anyway. Sex is usually completely safe in pregnancy unless you have a medical reason not to or your waters have broken.

Breast Massage & Nipple Stimulation

Another way to get Oxytocin flowing is breast massage and nipple stimulation. I believe the idea is to stimulate a baby suckling at the breast. You may find, however, that you’re feeling a bit tender and sensitive. So if you try and it is actually causing discomfort then it may cause more stress and frustration. It is really important to be kind to yourself during these last few weeks. Focus on things that will make you feel good, relaxed and happy.

Walking and Exercise

If you feel up to it, walking and exercise are other ways that might induce labour. Long walks are good for you and they might actually help you through those initial contractions. Apparently, the pressure of babies head on the cervix as you walk can encourage your cervix to ripen and thin. You can also try sitting on a birthing ball at home or even just sitting on the toilet. These also help your baby get in a good position for birth. It is safe to exercise all the way through pregnancy until you feel like you want to stop. You do want to retain some energy for labour and birth but if walking or exercise make you feel good then continue!

Drinking Raspberry Red Leaf Tea

This one is an interesting one there really isn’t a lot to say that drinking this tea can induce labour. However, it’s quite tasty, contains antioxidants and apparently can help with breast milk supply. It’s really just a nutritional tea. You can start drinking raspberry red leaf tea at 32 weeks of pregnancy. You start drinking one cup a day and gradually increase to up to four cups. Supposedly, building up the levels in your body prior to giving birth can help your uterus contract more effectively. This may help shorten the second or pushing phase. If you like herbal teas and you want to drink this then go for it, however, some people do not recommend starting it after 40 weeks as it might make contractions intense. It is also not recommended for women that have had a C-Section because of the risk of scar weakening or rupture.

Eating Pineapple

I remember hearing this when I was pregnant with Evie. Apparently, for enough Bromelain to build up in your system you need to eat 7 fresh pineapples to help induce labour. There is conflicting evidence about pineapple though. Some say it’s the acidity of the fruit reacting with your gut that causes contractions which then might stimulate the uterus. However, Bromelain is there and that can help your cervix dilate. I really like pineapple so I’m happy to add that into my diet in the last few weeks leading up to my due date.

Eating Dates

Now this is a new one for me but again I really like dates so I’m happy to try this one. Apparently, eating dates in the last four weeks leading up to your due date might lead to a quicker first phase of labour, more effective dilation of the cervix and intact membranes after contractions had started. Eating dates might not induce labour but they’re tasty and sweet, easy to add to smoothies and easy to snack on. Apparently, six fresh, medjool dates a day is needed to benefit labour. I’m going to start eating more dates from week 36.

Spicy Food

I think eating spicy food to induce labour is a really popular choice for some people but I’m not sure how nice it is. I personally eat quite a lot of spicy food so I will probably continue to do so until labour begins. The idea is to eat something hot and spicy that will stimulate the bowel and that then leads to possible stimulating the uterus to start contracting. Again, just be kind to yourself. If you don’t like spicy food don’t eat something that’s going to make you feel uncomfortable or unwell, it’s really not worth it.

Forms of Medical Induction

If your Midwife or consultant does advise medical induction it’s really important to do your research. Sometimes scaremongering tactics come into play here but it’s important to note that the alternative to induction is to wait and be closely monitored. If you have had a healthy, risk free pregnancy you can absolutely say no to being induced. If, however, you do want to be induced then there are lots of ways that this can be started.

Cervical & Membrane Sweep

A cervical membrane sweep can be offered at around 41 weeks of pregnancy. You may be offered up to three cervical membrane sweeps to induce labour. Some women swear by them and sometimes they fail. If a membrane sweep is going to work it will usually bring contractions on within 48 hours. This is where a midwife or consultant will use their fingers to feel your cervix and try to sweep the membranes away. As they come back into contact with the cervix, hormones are released which may trigger labour to start.

Cervical Ripening Balloon

Depending on your hospital, the cervical ripening balloon can be offered in place of a hormonal gel. The balloon is inserted by a small, soft, silicone tube and filled with a saline solution. It can put pressure on the cervix to encourage dilation to begin. This is usually for around 24 hours and might be enough to induce labour and for contractions to progress.

Artificial Rupture of Membranes

This is usually done to encourage contractions to progress or for speeding up labour. You can always refuse this method of induction if you are feeling well. You can always refuse any form of medical intervention. It can lead to contractions to become quite intense, increase pain and pressure with the babies head directly on the cervix.

Syntocinon Drip

Syntocinon is a synthetic form of Oxytocin. It can speed up contractions and is often used when women are overdue. I had this alongside an epidural because I was told I would not be able to handle the intense pain of the contractions. You do not have to automatically have an epidural at any point in labour, however, if you do want one, make this very clear if you are going in to hospital to be induced so they can have this administered before they use Syntocinon. Having the drip and an epidural increases your chances of an assisted delivery or even unplanned c-section.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

September 13, 2018