Category: Lifestyle

For anyone that doesn’t want to read the full post, the quick answer is no.

Before I get into this I am going to acknowledge that I do have a level of priviledge when considering this decision.
I work at home already, my daughter is in year 4 and not really a ‘priority’ year group, I don’t really mind crisis schooling her.
Not only that but I don’t agree with a lot of the national curriculum and don’t feel that kind of learning is a priority right now.

I am not judging anyone for making this decision, nor those whose children have remained in schools due to their position as a keyworker. I have seen a lot of frustration from these parents who say that school’s never closed for them and their children have continued going to school over the last couple of months. Whatever your decision, I am sure it is not one that has come easy to you, I’m sure it’s brought you worry and I’m sure it’s the best for your family and personal, individual circumstances. Who am I to say how you should parent your child in a global pandemic? This piece is my own experience, my own feelings and in line with what I feel is beneficial to my daughter.

My daughter is in year four so there isn’t a call for her to go back to school on June 1st. Her school is a two form entry junior at full capacity and I believe is planning to extend opening for year six pupils next month. I don’t know their exact plan yet but it is my understanding that the government plan to extend this to all year groups by mid june to allow for all pupils to get some time with their teachers. Its unlikely this will be full time schooling and with Evie being an older child I’m sure she will be able to understand the rules better than younger children, however, I worry about her ever growing anxiety and mental health with another big change.

Through all of this, I think the governement have done a shoddy job to be honest but that’s beside the point for this particular post. I keep hearing how great a job Denmark are doing but actually we have been on a completely different trajectory to Denmark in terms of those that have very sadly died of covid19. If anything we should be mimicking Spain and Italy in their lifting of restrictions. Even in France, where schools opened last week, did they see a spike in cases which have now had to close again. Personally, I just don’t see the point to send her back if everything will be different and schools risk closing back up again.

I know we all want a bit of normality but the reality is my daughter will be going back into a class that is not her teacher, without her friends. I’m also taking her feelings into consideration, she doesn’t want to go to school. She feels happier at home right now. I’m not bothered about her having to catch up in school and will help as much as I can when she does go back and education is somewhat back to normal. I don’t care how she does in a test that is only for the benefit of the government. Don’t get me wrong, I care about what my daughter is learning but as someone that sees so many major flaws in the national cirriculum outside a pandemic it just isn’t important to me. It’s important to me that my daughter learns to protect her mental wellbeing, it’s important that my daughter takes the chance to play as much as she can right now, it’s important to me that my daughter learns other skills and tries new things. It’s not important to me how many words she can spell, or if she can do long division when she’ll be able to use a calculator in any job.

For now, we will continue to crisis school until September when I hope a clearer plan for children and schools is available. I expect social distancing will still be in place but I hope everyone feels a bit calmer with the idea of a ‘new normal’. Honestly, it’d like to see a few other things go back to normal first to be honest rather than rushing school starts but I guess we will have to wait and see what happens next. One thing I’ve really struggled with is the government kind of keeping people in the dark and not coming up with a plan in the first place so people might take this a bit more seriously.

Whatever your choice, I hope you’re staying as safe and well as you possibly can right now.

This is a collaborative post

When you have kids, particularly younger children, it can be really hard to find time together. This can lead to all sorts of issues with communication and each partner not feeling appreciated enough. Starting with some online therapy with somewhere like ReGain can really help you to intially start having these discussions and putting time together to celebrate your relationship which is the foundation of your family life.

As parents, we struggle to find the time for each other and sometimes feel like passing ships. Setting aside some time together might not feel spontaneous and exciting but it’s very hard to be those things when you’re main responsibilities are your children. If you can schedule in some time weekly or monthly to dedicate to each other and your relationship then ultimately you will feel more respect and appreciation from your partner. We get so caught up with doing everything to provide safety and security that the romance can be left behind.

Having a nice meal together once a week when the kids are in bed. Having a weekly date night in the home doesn’t have to be fancy or include dressing up (although go for it if it makes you feel good!) but just having a bottle of wine and a conversation about what’s going on in the week with your favourite film just helps to connect you to what’s going on in the other person’s schedule.

If you’re able to rely on family or friends for babysitters then take the time to have a date night. Go for a drive together or, when you are able to, have a meal. Grab your favourite takeaway and watch a film together. Having some real couple time knowing the kids are safe and looked after can get you to relax and have a bit of fun together. Before we had Felix we used to take advantage of Evie being at her dads a lot. This included a week in Norway, weekends in London, hotel stays for birthday celebrations and monthly cinema visits. It’s harder now with everything going on and having Felix because he’s still so small but we do try and make a bit of time together when we can.

Try and make an effort for anniversaries and birthdays. These are days to really celebrate the person you are with and the amount of time you’ve spent together. Plan something nice, again a favourite meal, book the time off work. Last year Adam and I went to a comedy show and it was just the best night. It was the first time we’d actually been in the car just the two of us and we had a great night.

Ultimately, it all comes back to communication and you need to be able to talk about anything that’s bothering you. Online therapy can really help connect the dots and highlight any issues you might be having, talking through how you might feel more loved and appreciated and strengthening that foundation of your family.

this is a collaborative post

Adam and I have been together for almost eight years. That’s a long time to spend with one person. We started the relationship as a blended family and have strengthened that by having a child of our own. I’ve had the question when are you going to get married crop up more times than I can count and sometimes we’ve said oh year maybe next year or something. We’ve talked about getting married but honestly, it’s just not a priority for us. We are both from divorced parents and that has shown us that, really, marriage doesn’t mean anything because it can just be ended anyway. We just don’t see marriage as a big romantic gesture that some people do.

For some people getting married is like a goal and something that so many rush into which is why pre-engagement counselling can be really beneficial. If you’re going to commit to spending your life with one other person and building a life with them, then having an open and upfront conversation about your expectations could really help. You can read more here if you think pre-engagement couple’s therapy might be right for you and your partner.

I’ve always viewed a wedding as for everyone else’s benefit rather than the couples with people spending thousands of pounds on 12 hours. It’s just a bit insane to me and something I can’t comprehend. Each to their own of course but it’s a value both Adam and I share. We both just see marriage as a contract between two people to make each other their next of kin and provide a bit of security if one of us was to die. If we were to get married I wouldn’t be planning a wedding with other people’s enjoyment in mind and I’d begrude paying for it to be honest.

When it comes to marriage I think, because we’ve been together for such a long time and already have a family unit it would just be to solidfy that connection. I don’t expect anything to change. I won’t be changing my name, for example, as I don’t expect Adam to change his. I already have a different surname to both my children, so that isn’t really an issue, and I can define myself as Ms rather than Mrs. With no plans for a big wedding and no real significant changes it kind of takes the pressure of really. We have no need for marriage right now and if we do in the future then it will be more about celebrating our family than putting on a show.

I think Adam and I have been clear about this together from pretty early on to be honest and those kind of discussions have really helped us. I think it’s important to have these kind of conversations so you know where you stand with your significant other and it allows you to compromise about any expectations.

This is a collaborative post.

One thing that often comes up when discussing long term relationships and marriages is how do you do it? I am often amazed that my grandparents have been together for over fifty years and my mum and step dad will be celebrating their own 20 year anniversary this year. I think the best think you can do to keep your relationship alive is communication. I think right now everyone is feeling a bit overwhelmed and on top of each other so communication in these times is key.

Making each other laugh every day. A good sense of humour, someone that makes you belly laugh until it hurts, the same as they did when you first met, is a great way of connecting. Adam and I still laugh together and even in an argument he can say something so rediculous that it stops any confrontation in it’s tracks. Having funny memories to talk about is a great way to remember good times.

Discussing each other’s interests and passions. Even though we might disagree from time to time with the bigger issues talking about them really strengthens your connection with another person. Adam will patiently sit there whilst I rabbit on about the books and worldbuilding I love whilst I’ll nod along when Adam talks about his university assignments – although actually I love talking about those too because most of the subjects are really interesting. I think it’s important to have these passionate, sometimes a bit heated, discussions because you learn so much about the other person.

Having hobbies or interests outside of the relationship. This is important because it gives you a little bit of yourself. We both love to read but I’ve taken this a bit to the extreme with giving my instagram a strong bookish focus and wanting to write my own novel. We both love video games but different types which gives us something to talk about, show each other and sometimes play together. As we have similar interests it means we give each other equal time to persue those. Outside of the home I love to swim and it’s something I want to do more of when I’m able to again. Adam has work and university so has more to focus on, university particularly has kept him busy and researching topics important to him.

If you’re having trouble with communication than there are therapy options you can explore. These range from current online therapy, talk therapy, and face-to-face. These options would encourage you to both attend together and have someone help you to work through any issues, particularly communication issues that you might be having. You can find out more about marriage counselling here.

Though it may not be the ideal situation, there are also times when you have to learn that you are not the right person to be doing the communicating and that you should have someone stand in as your proxy. This includes hiring family lawyers if you are going through a separation and you are looking to solve things as amicably as possible. When it comes to the future of the marriage and especially the custody of any children involved, you don’t want to go in without the support you need.

Ultimately, everything comes down to communication and if you’re with someone you love and trust, nothing should be off the table or veteod for discussion.

this is a collaborative post.

We are all going through strange times right now and finding alternative ways to keep in touch with elderly relatives. at the moment my grandparents are isolating in their home and have been since the start of the current pandemic. They’ve been enjoying their garden but as my grandad has copd they are staying home to shield. Adam’s nan is in a care home and just before this started was given a mobile phone for family to keep in touch as the care home she resides in closed it’s doors before lockdown officially began.

I’m really glad we can keep in touch with our grandparents through phone conversations, letters, facetime calls and a quick wave through the window as we walk past for exercise. I know that we can make up for this lost time in a few months and make the most of spending time together again. A quick text, a chat or a wave whilst dropping off groceries can make a difference and add a bit of connection right now that we are all craving.

It did get me thinking about those that are without family and are at home, alone. my grandparents are together and have some adult interaction from each other as well as the grandkids and my mum saying hello. My uncle lives across the road so can easily drop things off to my nan if she needs them, they have outdoor space and technology connects us too. through facebook my nan can see what we’re all doing, I can share video clips and photos of the great grandchildren with them. It’s harder with adam’s nan as she’s in a home and doesn’t have the same access but we are going to send a few photos in the post and she has daily contact with carers.

Those that are without this support network and feeling vulnerable may have the odd chat on the phone but isolating is still pretty lonely without proper human connection. There are many ways to access a bit of care, companionship and help even during this current crisis and Country Cousins offers such assistance with their live in care workers. A live in carer would probably be incredibly helpful in this situation particularly for people on their own that struggle a bit with their mobility and don’t have a huge support network. It’s not only someone to take care of more specialised needs but also someone to have a cuppa with and watch a bit of tele with or have a chat with. It’s that human interaction that right now we all want with our friends and family.

I know i would want to ensure my family had someone looking out for them and right now we are doing our best to stay in contact regularly. Live in care can act as another peace of mind for families that aren’t so close, knowing that their elderly relatives are being looked after. We are all trying to do our part by protecting the vulnerable and elderly right now and i’m so thankful that technology enables us to do that easily.