Candyfloss & Dreams

Category: Lifestyle

lifestyle blog posts focusing on home, lifestyle, parenting, pregnancy, family life and home and style. Home decor and working at home, working at home as a self employed freelancer and blogger. Family lifestyle blog posts including family reviews, family products and saving money as a family. Being a more eco friendly family.

My Choice to Hire a Doula

Hiring a Doula for my Second Pregnancy

Have you ever hired a Doula before? I hadn’t, in fact, during my first pregnancy I didn’t even know that support like this existed. Perhaps if I had, my birth with my first daughter would have been so much easier. This time around, I am seeking out the best possible support I can to ensure I have the pregnancy, labour and birth that I want to have. After having a traumatic birth with an emergency c-section which in all honestly feels like such a long time ago now, I feel a little more informed about how I want this pregnancy to go. I’ve decided to have a hospital birth, I’m going to be pushing for a VBAC and now, thanks to the Doula I have decided to hire, I feel so much more informed about my choices. Now my first trimester is over and I’m welcoming the second, I feel like it’s the right time to start making some choices about my birth plan and support.

What is a Doula

A Doula is someone that offers support throughout pregnancy and birth. Some Doulas also offer postnatal care. You can have a Doula for pregnancy and Birth only, postnatal only or both. It depends on your preferences. Hiring a Doula is the same as paying for a private service. Most Doulas are hired by clients and packages are offered at a price that reflects the support offered by the Doula personally. You can choose to hire a longstanding Doula with experience or a newly qualified Doula who may be a little cheaper. Doulas do not offer a clinical or medical service but often have holistic therapy training to enable them to provide a variety of support. No doubt, there is probably a Doula out there for every woman depending on her needs and preferences. For vulnerable women there are a few NHS Doulas and the Doula Access Fund, a charity that works with women in need of extra support and care as well as women’s refuges. I’ve spoken openly about my own time in a women’s refuge and I’m really glad that this charity exists.

Searching for a Doula

I literally searched ‘Doula in Hampshire’ because that’s where I live and was pushed to click through the Hampshire Doula website. There were a few ladies on there which advertised their websites and contact details. I was drawn to one in particular and clicked through to find out more about her services. I really liked the sort of package she was offering for a ‘Birth Only’ Doula and decided to send her a message. Her name is Sophie, she’s relatively close to me and she suggested that I interview her. We arranged a time and date that suited us both and as she was close to my hometown it was for later on that week. Sophie recommended that both myself and Adam were there to chat to her so we could both ask questions and get everything out in the open. If you’re based in Hampshire and would like to read about Sophie’s experience and packages you can visit her website.

Interviewing a Doula

Sophie said that the most important thing when hiring a Doula is that you connect with each other and I completely get that. Preparing for labour and birth is incredibly personal and you ultimately want someone with you who you feel is going to be supportive and encouraging. If you don’t like your Doula then it’s going to affect your birth and you won’t feel comfortable getting into the nitty gritty with them. Sophie has been a Doula for a few years and the testimonials on her website were really positive and encouraging. I was looking forward to meeting her and feel we connected right away. Rather than a full on interview it was a very casual chat about everything really. Sophie is so informed about women’s choices during pregnancy and birth, some of which I did not know I was entitled to refuse. Sometimes choices are pushed on you which make you feel a little anxious but I really feel that with Sophie’s help I will be armed with a lot of information and with the help of my medical support I will be able to make the choices that let me have the best possible labour and birth whether that is the very hoped for VBAC or the possible Elective C-Section.

What I loved about Sophie is her friendly, bubbly and upfront personality. She is completely on board with Hypnobirthing and Childbirth Aromatherapy which are two things I really want to use in this pregnancy. Whilst she recommended that we interviewed other Doula’s in the area and sleeping on it, Adam and I felt she was already the right choice for us. Sophie had an agreement for us to read through and sign and alongside this and paying the deposit she is booking us in for September.

What’s Next?

Sophie is going to help us with our birth plan with some lengthy antenatal style visits, support me with hypnobirthing and go through the essential oils we can use. For a four week period around my due date Sophie will be available to me to assist with labour and birth including coming with me to the hospital. I feel that with Adam and Sophie, alongside my midwife and the staff at my chosen hospital I am going to be able to have a positive birth experience and I feel really good about the rest of this pregnancy. I will be writing more about using a Doula in my pregnancy updates and hopefully we will be able to tell you more when I write up our birth story.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

April 12, 2018
Books You Need to Read when Pregnant
Contains Affiliate Links.

Things have changed since I was last pregnant. There are new practices, screening tests, appointments, things to talk about and all sorts. Having a seven-year gap between pregnancies has been a real eye opener for just how much the medical world has changed. A few other wonderful things that have happened in the last few years is I have changed. I have grown as a person because I’m a mother. I have started to see things differently. I have had more confidence in my opinions, my actions and more reason to justify why I do the things I do. One thing I didn’t even know I had was certain rights about what happens when I’m pregnant.

You see I’m another high risk pregnant woman with a BMI of 45 at booking and having had a previous c-section. My blood pressure is fine, my iron levels are amazing, my platelets and white blood cells are where they need to be and I have no other serious illnesses. I’m simply fat and have an old surgical wound. This has lead to me making a few decisions I didn’t really need to or know about with my first pregnancy. The first being that I really want to try for a VBAC – that is, vaginal birth after caesarean. My midwife is supportive of this which is brilliant. I haven’t met with a consultant yet, I will, but now I know that actually I don’t have to take their advice has given me a new found confidence. Now, before anyone jumps the gun, no I’m not purposely ignoring any advice at the risk of myself or my baby but I am going to alter that advice to suit my needs, my labour and my birth.

You see, when you’re pregnant, part of your body doesn’t really feel like yours. You sort of scare medical professionals a bit and so some doctors can use a lot of terminology to make you feel like you don’t have a choice. Well, you absolutely have a choice. You always have a choice. Always. I’m not going to tell anyone how they should or should not give birth. What I’m saying is every decision you make should be an informed one and sometimes, just hearing what a doctor has to say does not make you informed. You see, midwives and doctors have to say a lot of things to make you aware of potential risks. That’s a good thing, you need to know about these risks but ultimately, you can decide what you feel is best for your body, your pregnancy, your baby and the welfare of your family. I’ve been doing a little extra reading this time around and I really do feel fully informed about all the choices I plan to make, any screenings I plan to reject and I know, with the help of my very lovely Doula, I am going to have a concise birth plan that will suit my needs and cater to every possible birthing outcome or obstacle.

Here is my list of extra reading that I absolutely recommend you take a look at when pregnant:
1. 1. AIMS: For a better birth website – full of amazing, useful information. This organisation covers everything you could possibly want to know about birth. Questions are answered and they campaign tirelessly for better maternity services in the UK. This is the best place to start if you have to make some decisions, if you have questions or doubts. The birth information covers frequently asked questions, home birth and maternity rights and benefits.
  2. Am I Allowed? By AIMS – A brilliant, informative read helping you to make all the decisions you feel you need to make for your pregnancy, labour and birth from screening tests, scans, blood tests and birth choices.
  3. Birth After Caesarean – By Jenny Lesley – Something very relevant to me. Again, this is free if you have Kindle unlimited and is also available to buy as a hard copy.
  4. Mindful Hypnobirthing by Sophie Fletcher – You might or might not have an interest in hypnobirthing but studies have shown some really positive things about how hypnobirthing and mindfullness techniques really help during pregnancy, labour and birth. This book is full of useful exercises that you can start from early pregnancy and continue all the way through with the hope of giving you a relaxed, calm and peaceful birth experience.
  5. Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill – another great read full of information and again focusing on birth as a positive experience.
  6. Men, Love & Birth by Mark Harris – one for dads but I’ve had a little sneak read myself too. This is written by a dad and male midwife and is really insightful into the dad’s role. Mark is also trained in NLP which does come into play in this book. I got this for Adam to have a read through and it seems to be all about how to support a partner through pregnancy, labour, birth and those early days.
I hope you find this reading educational, informative and overall helps you to make any decisions to enable you to have a happy, positive birth.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.
April 5, 2018
What We Did In March

March: The Month of Snow

To be honest, we didn’t do a lot, because of the snow. There were school closures, late openings, college closures for Adam…I won’t risk going out in the snow for fear of falling over and being pregnant I’m just really cautious of anything doing me a bit of harm. The month has been long although it feels like we’ve sped towards the two week Easter break. I always like this two week break between the Spring and Summer terms because its a nice bit of rest. I never really know what to do with them though other than turn the alarm off. We aren’t really ones for celebrating Easter to be honest, it’s just a day where the shops are closed. I don’t cook a big meal, I buy Evie one Easter egg and rather than do a fun hunt around the flat I just give it to her with the ones she’s got from family. I might get her a magazine because nothing will be open and it’s always really boring. On the plus side, Adam always has the Sunday before a bank holiday off so we can make use of our time together which is always nice. Even with Easter Sunday falling on April Fool’s Day I still can’t really be bothered with it all.

Our Easter Break started on the Thursday before Good Friday so we still have the whole two weeks to make the most of. Evie will be with her dad for half of the time so we are planning a visit to the Hawk Trust with Adam’s mum. We always enjoy going there, hopefully the rain will hold off although there is always a risk of April showers…Adam is also off from college for two weeks and plans to spend his free time getting his personal project together which is his big assignment to finish his Access course. I can’t believe he’s nearly finished the whirlwind year of college! He’s got his student finance letter back and accepted the offer from his first choice University so all being well and he passes the course it will be the start of a three year degree in September. I’m so proud of him. He’s had a real mix of passes, merits and distinctions throughout his exams and assignments so far so I am confident he will have enough UCAS points. The good thing about doing an Access course is you don’t have to wait until August to find out your final marks which means he is able to keep track.

Evie is, kind of unknowing to her, doing her Year 2 SATS next month. We haven’t talked about it and we won’t be revising for them. We hardly do the homework as it is because we just don’t have the time for it although I do want to get in more of a routine of fitting it all in. Sometimes it really shocks me with how much homework, spelling and reading she comes home with. What makes it more frustrating is she can never remember doing it at school and I never know how to explain some of the stuff so all it does it cause arguments, tears and frustration from all parties involved. I’m not really worried though, she’s seven, and both Adam and I know school isn’t everything. Especially when I came out with decent grades without doing any revision and Adam still has the opportunity to go on to University because of an Access course. Let kids be kids, let them play and be creative rather than focus on stupid tests and statistics. I watched someone recently explain that throughout school kids are basically taught short term memory tests and if you’re not very skilled in that area, school isn’t going to do you very well. Being out in the real world now I’ve learned so much more than I ever did at school. Life skills, banking, patience from dealing with customers, how to manage a budget, how to cook, clean and take care of kids, how to write CV’s and how to interview well – none of which I learned in school. Anyway…I digress…

I obviously announced I am pregnant with my second baby and we are well into the second trimester now. I have my 16 week appointment with the midwife coming up and we’ve hired a Doula. I have an obstetrician appointment in June to “look forward to” (I’m not) and our 20 week scan next month. I am so hoping we will find out the gender and the baby is in a good position for the sonographer to see. We’ve booked a holiday back to the Isle of Wight for July which I’m really looking forward to! I will be around 30 weeks pregnant when we go so hopefully still able to get out and about and enjoy our time away. I’ve started Aquafit again too now I’m feeling a little more energetic which I’m really enjoying.

We didn’t see a lot of this beautiful puppy. She’s a massive bear now. We are probably going to be looking after her for a week in September when my parents go on holiday (we were supposed to go but…pregnant) Evie also loved meeting this small dog when my sister came up from Bristol for a couple of hours and came with me to pick her up from school.

April 1, 2018
Baby Christenings: Why I Won’t Be A Part of Them

Do you have any Godchildren? I don’t. I’ve never been asked, which is absolutely fine with me because to be honest it’s just going to be an awkward conversation. Most of my mum friends came after children had been had. I’m not really in touch with many people from school, let alone close enough to be considered a Godparent and those that I am friends with don’t have kids of their own yet. I don’t come from a particularly religious family although I was Christened when I was young. My sister was too. Then my youngest sister came along and she wasn’t as a baby. She did decide to get Christened when she was older because she wanted presents but I don’t think I went. I think I was living away from home at that point. Since then there have been other family Christenings that I haven’t gone to and I decline the invitation on principle. I don’t agree with them.

I always start thinking about things like this around this time of year, with Easter just around the corner. I don’t really know what to do with Easter. I get Evie a chocolate egg but other than that it’s the same as any other Sunday except Adam doesn’t have to work. I don’t cook a big dinner and the fact that shops are closed just means we’re stuck inside and need to makesure we aren’t low on anything the day before. I don’t even really talk that much about the Easter bunny although he seems to be held in high esteem according to Evie. It’s a bit different to Christmas, because I’m all about the presents. I don’t really care if that makes me a bit hypocritical but Christmas has never been about anything that being with family to me. We don’t go to Church, we don’t do Midnight Mass, we don’t thank anyone for dinner except the person that’s cooked it. I’ve watched Evie’s school nativity plays and I’ve been to her Christmas shows at the Church. I’m happy she’s learned about what Christmas was about and what Easter is about but that doesn’t mean it’s all true…

Evie wasn’t Christened, despite her dad’s family being Catholic. I felt a lot of pressure and was asked ‘Why’ quite a lot and had to be really firm in my answer. I do worry that she has been Christened in secret since I left my ex but it’s never a subject I’ve asked and one I don’t really need to find out the answer to. I find them pointless. I know a lot of people do them for traditional reasons, as a way to get family together and all of that but for me, personally, that’s not good enough. When you decide to Christen a baby you are agreeing to bring them up as a Christian, something I am not, although that isn’t why disagree with Christenings. I disagree with them because I see it as making a decision for someone else that really doesn’t affect you in anyway. It’s a lot different when the child comes to you and says “I believe in God, I want to be Christened and I want to learn all about it.” Fine, that is their choice. Although, in all honesty, I don’t think I’d be able to organise that for them. I wouldn’t want to be a part of it because I would feel like a complete fraud.

Maybe this makes me a little selfish, but for the same reasons I won’t ever agree to be a Godparent to someone else’s child. I’m not going to stand there and confirm to bringing up a child in the eyes of a God I don’t believe in. I don’t really want to be a part of it at all. I don’t agree with taking away a choice where faith is such a personal thing. For the same reasons, I won’t be Christening any children I have. I won’t be selecting Godparents for this baby. This has actually caused upset before, and I’m sorry for that, but ultimately, it just goes against everything I believe in. When this baby is here I’m sure we’ll see lots of family and friends in the weeks afterwards and introduce them to our baby. I’m sure we will receive lots of wonderful congratulations and cards. I’m sure everyone will be excited. For me, that’s enough. That’s enough of a celebration for a new life. For me, there’s no need for a Christening, a naming day or any other big celebration like that because to be honest I really can’t be bothered with it all.

March 29, 2018
Bookbeat Audiobooks: Storytime for Adults
I really love reading. There’s a real sense in pleasure at opening up a new book and getting right into a story alongside the feeling of achievement and sadness when it’s finished. Sometimes though, especially with pregnancy, I just don’t have the energy to read much more than a few pages a night. That is where Audiobooks come in nicely for me! For the last year I’ve loved using my Bookbeat subscription which has so many audiobooks and stories to listen to.

There are lots of compelling listens on Bookbeat which is available as a free App on the App store. You simply pay a monthly fee and can listen to as many books as you like. New audiobooks are really easy to find too with different sections and catergories, Sunday Times best sellers and brand new stories available too. I’ve got my eye on a few audiobooks where friends have read them and really recommended them so it’s great to see there are new audiobooks available rather than just titles I’ve not heard of. There are plenty of titles I haven’t read or listened to yet on Bookbeat however it’s been a real pleasure finding new authors whilst using the app. You can find a whole host of categories from young adult, fantasy, autobiography, informative and thrillers. Here are some of my favourites:
1. Game of Thrones – Now, I’ve read all the books and watched the series but I’ve loved having a listen to series audiobooks to see if there are any plot lines I’ve missed out.
2. The Selection – This is a young adult fiction series set way in the future where people are kept segregated. It really shows the divide of the rich and poor. This features the tale of America Singer who is selected as a prospective candidate to marry the Royal Prince. There’s plenty of action with rebel group attacks, romance and a few thrills along the way too.
3. Carve the Mark – a really interesting book and well worth a listen
4. The Hobbit – Another fantasy favourite of mine that brings me right back to my childhood
Those are just a few of my favourite listens that I’ve enjoyed. I usually take advantage of listening to audiobooks in the evening whilst drifting off to sleep. With Bookbeat you usually need a WiFi connection to listen in however you do have the option of downloading some stories too which gives you the ability to listen offline. I find this perfect for anytime I’m travelling or even something to listen to on the walk up to school. Audiobooks are a great way to find new listens, new authors and new stories and it’s something I’ve loved using and would recommend to anyone. I love the flexibility of not having to download the audiobook direct to the device and listening through WiFi as this stops my phone using up too much memory. There are plenty of stories for the whole family too which means we can all find something we like.

You can start a free two-week trial with BookBeat today.
March 27, 2018