I want to try this year. I want to try and make things better for myself and for my loved ones. It isn’t that I haven’t explicitly tried in years prior but I feel a little lighter right now and I want to try and embrace what I am fortunate enough to have.
I am going to look for a neurodivergent therapist for myself. After a very long and daunting process I was awarded PIP at the end of 2023 and want to use that allowance to help improve my mental state, understand my limits with my disabilities and I know if I am better, I can be better for others. I do not remember a time where I was anxiety and depression free not to mention completely burned out. I have struggled a lot with my diagnosis over the last year and I have acknowledged that I need some help.
I am going to reconnect with my spirituality. Parts of magick, witchcraft and the occult have been an interest of mine for well over twenty years now and it’s a part of myself that I have kind of pushed to one side for the last few years. I think it’s because the pull towards witchcraft has always been there but the sheer amount of information and tools are hugely exciting yet overwhelming. I want to start bringing magick back into my life regularly but in small, comforting ways. I feel particularly drawn to shadow work which, as someone that acknowledges they need therapy, I think will go well together. Fully understanding myself, the good and the bad, will help me to heal and break this cycle I feel stuck in. I’ve always had an infinity for Tarot and Astrology and feel they can be really useful tools to help me make decisions about my life. As someone that is constantly scatterbrained I feel my intuition can be clouded and things like Tarot help me to connect the dots through the clutter.
I want to do more things that bring me small joys in my day to day. I am going to use the good notebooks. I will burn the best candles. I will find comfort in the soft and fluffy. I will try and relinquish feelings of guilt and shame about things that bring me joy even if people think I’m too old for them. Regulating my emotions, feelings and sensory stimulation is so vital for my survival. Reading YA books because I love that sense of fearlessness from the protagonists, playing video games that allow me to roleplay as other characters and having pink cat ear headphones as I listen to my favourite music whilst may not be the taste of every 35 year old but it’s harmless, and it’s how I am. I have been judged, from others and myself, for far too long and it has proven to be a pretty miserable place. It may take some time to stop feeling shame or like I need to hide some of that stuff away but I will get there.