Candyfloss & Dreams

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  • Balders Gate 3 – The Dark Urge Playthrough

    Balders Gate 3 – The Dark Urge Playthrough

    Committing myself to evil atrocities in my second full playthrough as The Dark Urge origin character was pretty fun and something I really recommend for a second playthrough. I also used it as a chance to do things I had missed out on in my first playthrough of Balders Gate 3 where I did mostly play a good character. Now I’m considering could I actually try and play in a harder difficulty and see just what else I’ve missed because honestly I’m pretty sure there is a lot. This will contain plot spoilers for Balders Gate 3 and some choices I made for companion quests.

    My Dark Urge Character

    The Dark Urge is a really interesting way to play Balders Gate 3 as it adds such an interesting origin story. I wanted to commit to an evil playthrough to see some different choices not only for my own character but how much I could corrupt my companions too. Having already played through Balders Gate 3 and completing the game, as well as reading the PSN trophy list I did know where that was going to go but the ride along the way was very fun and had some unexpected surprises. I really liked that the character still had a choice to try and repress their evil nature but I completely basked in the blood of my enemies, and friends in some cases. Ending the game in the name of Bhaal, the god of murder and seeing my character sitting there in Orin’s clothes on a throne watching the world end was pretty glorious.

    I mean, she looks pretty evil. Both playthroughs I’ve completed now have been playing a magic caster, first as a warlock and this time I was a sorcerer. The wild magic surges certainly added to the chaos from time to time which was sometimes to my benefit but not always. I am pretty sure I put all 12 levels into sorcerer as well but I’m pretty interested in trying a multiclass build to see how that works out. I did this playthrough as a Lolth-Sworn Drow as I thought it would give me an edge with intimidation checks and helped me pass through some encounters without combat.

    Corrupting Companions to do Evil Things

    My party for most of the playthrough was Astarion as a Rogue Assassin, Shadowheart as a Life Domain Cleric and Lae’zel as a Battlemaster Fighter. I did switch in Minthara for a lot of Act 2 because she seemed pretty at home in the Shadowcursed lands and felt for story reasons she was a great choice. However, in my first playthrough of BG3 I accidentally shot and killed Lae’zel early on and missed all of the Githyanki plot so I wanted to do that this time around. Will left the party after the raid on the emerald grove and Karlach attacked me on sight for my atrocities. Gale was there. I did use him a little bit but as I was playing a magic character I didn’t have much need for him but I did see more of his companion quest this time around which I kind of failed to do previously. This playthrough I had Astarion commit to becoming an Ascended vampire and Shadowheart become a Dark Justiciar. It was pretty brutal but actually made some combat encounters a lot easier than on a good playthrough. I’d like to say some of that is because I learned a lot in my first playthrough of BG3 and kind of know what I’m doing now but it also helps that I wasn’t completely and utterly outnumbered. I did do one redeeming thing though and that is to pet the dog.

    How Would I Play Again?

    Balders Gate 3 has a lot of replayability value because you can’t see everything in one playthrough and because there are some interactions you can get locked out off based on if you’re good or evil. Or you end up making mistakes, and there are plenty of options to make mistakes, and so can’t see certain things through to the end. There is so much content available in Balders Gate 3 that makes playing a second or third playthrough desirable with more challenging difficulties, different classes to try and play and character companion quests to enjoy. Not to mention the opportunity to play as an Origin character and see how things are different in comparison to how they are as a companion.

    I think if I were to play again I would probably go for a ‘good’ character approach again and try completing some of the quests I’ve still not managed to solve. I would like to try and complete the game on tactician difficulty although it’s a little intimidating but now I kind of know what I’m doing, what I can get away with and how to make things more challenging or easier on myself I feel I would be able to do most of a playthrough in this mode. There are some legendary weapons, gear and items I’d like to try and get. I think if I were to play again I’d try playing a physical class more than a magic one. I did start a ranger character playthrough but I feel like I’ve made too many mistakes on that one or missed way too much to be able to make the most of the playthrough. I’ve tried to learn more about D&D in general too which has helped me understand some of the rules a bit better like advantage, concentration spells and just how much you should/can do between each long rest as well as how character stats work.

  • Dungeons and Drama by Kirsty Boyce

    Dungeons and Drama by Kirsty Boyce

    I was completely in the mood for a short and sweet YA contemporary romance and something a little more on the nerdy side was just my thing. Dungeons and Drama is a cute high school romance with fake dating to full on flirty swooning. I had some real laugh out loud moments throughout my read, I read it in two sittings because it was addictive and I really liked the characters.

    Riley is loud, assertive and a musical theatre enthusiast trying to save the Spring musical with her best friend but she got in a whole lot of trouble resulting in being grounded for two months and having to work in her dads gaming store so that parents can keep an eye on her. There she meets Nathan, a co-worker and totally nerdy but incredibly flirty (who she knows from school but didn’t really associate with) games lover that takes part in a regular Dungeons & Dragons campaign with his friends at the store. A slip of the tongue from Riley ensues the two start fake dating but lines get crossed and feelings happen.

    I have nothing negative to say. I haven’t read a book so fast in absolutely ages and I really loved this one. It was cute in all the right places, the flirting was tame but very swoon-worthy and the two main characters are really fun to get to know. Readers spend most of their time with Riley as the book is written from her perspective so you feel all the things she’s feeling as they happen and I like that. At 293 pages it is a great summer read, ideal for cosy days at home or throwing in the bag for the beach. It’s also a floppy paperback and we all know they’re the best kind.

    Dungeons & Drama by Kirsty Boyce is ideal for any contemporary romance readers, is suitable for the YA audience with kissing and flirting only. Some trigger warnings to think of would be divorce, reckless driving (mentioned), hospitalisation, overbearing ex boyfriend and jealousy. There is a queer relationship with one of the male friends which is nice to see but the romance aspect of the book focuses on a male/female relationship.

  • It’s the Little Things

    It’s the Little Things

    For the longest time I have been trying to figure out a way of getting back to being myself, that I have been just kind of existing in time and space being a parent which hasn’t left a lot of time to really focus in on what I love and what fills my cup so to speak. But I am craving it. I miss being creative in those little ways of taking photos of books and trying to improve, of moving my body, of having something interesting to say in those rare and fleeting moments of adult conversation that isn’t just about kids.

    I am trying to reclaim a little bit of me back. In some ways perhaps that’s getting older talking too, like wanting to live as authentically as I possibly can and realizing now more than ever that it’s really only about me and my happiness (that, of course, and the safety and wellbeing of my children but that goes without saying surely) that matters. That I am the only one that is possible of giving myself the life I want to have and for the longest time I have felt so stuck, in such a mental block. I really want to try and step forward, find more joy and awe in the world around me and start doing stuff for me because it feels good.

    I got a tattoo in April and I am so in love with the art of it and that it is on my body. I got a pretty sizeable chest tattoo which is something I specifically asked to have designed and has a little touch of my personality in an image. I choose to get it on my chest as I’ve always been self conscious of that area. Being relatively busty has perhaps drawn attention to me in ways that I’ve not felt too comfortable with in the past but now I feel like I don’t have to cover up or find jewelry to sort of take the attention away a little bit even if it hasn’t really worked. Plus I struggle wearing high necked clothing or necklaces that are too small or too tight as they feel quite restrictive. I have been waiting so long for another tattoo telling myself over and over that my body is not right or small enough for art but there’s a chance my body might not ever be what my brain or society considers small enough. So I got the tattoo.

    Speaking of body image there’s another thing I’ve recently done for myself and that is signed up for a pole dance fitness class. I love dancing, although it’s very much just me dancing around in my living room other than the variety of Zumba classes I’ve taken in the past or dance games I’ve played at home. This is something I’ve wanted to do for absolutely ages. I love how controlled the movements are, how fun it looks, how strong pole dancers can be and it just looked like so much fun. So I did a taster class and signed up for a full five week course and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Years and years ago there was a beautiful plus size lady on Britain’s got talent that did a pole routine and I loved it. She was so confident and strong and seeing other plus size bodies do these amazing movements, spins and tricks whilst looking comfortable in their own skin was really inspiring.

    The taster class was fun despite the aches for days afterwards and so worth it to find a form of exercise that I can hopefully really benefit from. Another thing completely for me, to build my strength, confidence and a chance to dance and have joyous movement. I was so surprised with how much I could keep up with the routine, the rest of the class and do all the movements with some degree of co-ordination. I managed to put the moves together into a routine and time just flew. It was really fun and having the pole to use to assist in the movements that I found tricky made a big difference. I can’t wait to get back to it and see how I feel after the full five week course.

  • Waiting Mode

    Waiting Mode

    It’s a pretty coming trait amongst ADHDers to have time blindness. The concept of time is unfathomable to me. I sit here writing this having already procrastinated and distracted myself from writing this post several times, knowing I need to be ready to leave the house at 9.10am this morning, knowing how long it takes me to get ready so I’ve given myself enough time to sort my stuff out. Morning appointments are absolutely better for me, providing I’ve woken up at a reasonable time, because they feel like they pass faster. If I have to leave the house at 9.10 then I will have more than enough time to get ready if I shut down this computer at 8am. That gives me just over an hour to do hair, makeup, clothes, get Felix ready and be on time in theory. The reality is I will either underestimate how long I need for all that and be waiting impatiently for twenty minutes ready to go and not being able to or I will be running late. There is no such thing as on time in the world of ADHD.

    Morning Waiting Mode is never really that bad because it’s always kind of a rush to get out the door for 8.10am (it’s usually closer to 8.20am) because I have more things to do. Afternoon waiting mode is incredibly frustrating because I spend the entire day waiting for the appointment, clockwatching, flitting between doing stuff to try and pass the time but not being able to really commit or focus on anything other than clockwatching simply because I have the absolute FEAR of being late so I am obnoxiously early for most things.

    Then comes waiting mode for something releasing, like a video game, like say, FF7 Rebirth…a sequel to a game that came out four years ago. A game that is a remake of not just my favourite Final Fantasy game but probably my favourite game of all time. Something I am equally excited and anxious for. Something I am hopeful will surpass all expectations. Something I have obsessed over since the PS3 tech demo and the 2015 confirmation that FF7 Remake was being done. Something I have waited a very long time for. I know I can predownload the game in a couple of days, I’ve played the demo and experienced all that had to offer, I’ve replayed FF7 Remake to familiarise myself with the story and gameplay. I’ve played and completed Crisis Core for the first time to make sure I was fully up to date with everything I could be from Zack’s point of view. The thing is I did all of this in the coming months to FF7 Rebirth coming out knowing the release date would be 29th February. I have been excited and keeping busy for what should be the shortest month of the year, has felt like the longest and it’s not even over yet. I am literally days away from finally playing this game and yet I am stuck in this perpetual waiting mode because my stupid brain can not think of anything else to focus on.

    There is all of this talk on how neurospicy people hyperfocus and it’s true, we do, but we don’t control the hyperfocus, it controls us. There are times when it works it’s absolute magic, when I have been able to read through huge books in a day, where I’ve got so much housework or paid work done in a short space of time because I can just zone in and get it done. When you are hyperfocused on something but you literally can not do anything it is brain breaking. I am fidgeting, restless, I can’t sleep properly, I can’t play other games because I’m getting annoyed with them too fast, I can’t read because I can’t focus. I can not force myself to focus on anything else right now. I am simply stuck, waiting until 9.15am on Thursday so I can play my little video game like the fangirl I am. I joke, slightly, at that because I am allowed, as an adult and videogame enthusiast to get excited about something and to plan out my time to play it. It is instead this very frustrating period of time where I can’t do the thing I want to do but equally I can’t do anything else either. In fact, writing this rambling post is the most productive thing I’ve probably done in the past few days.

    This is one of the things that I think people don’t really get when you have ADHD. I have something I’m looking forward to, yet I can’t really focus on anything else. But my brain is currently telling me how stupid that is, how immature I am, how other adults don’t do this, how much of a failure I am because I can’t keep busy for a few more days. Because what I’m looking forward isn’t a ‘normal’ thing for other women, or mothers, my age to get excited for. This is the hyperactivity that people don’t see. How my mind is constantly against me when I’m excited for something by not letting me enjoy other things enough and by criticizing my want and desire to be excited for something. It leads to so much self loathing and frustration. It’s exhausting. What other people see as an ADHD person being lazy and procrastinating is often someone that is really struggling in that moment because they are seriously lacking in dopamine and unable to regulate themselves. They are stuck in this void of waiting mode where they just can’t get other things done properly.

    You can’t switch ADHD on and off. You can’t just have the ‘quirky and fun’ part of ADHD that people often see or stereotypically think about. You have to deal with all the difficult parts of it too.

  • Kinda Like a Dragon (Quest)?

    Kinda Like a Dragon (Quest)?

    Having never played any Yakuza game in my life, picking up Yakuza: Like A Dragon with very little context on the series was a choice, largely dictated by the availability on Game Pass, seeing two odd screenshots in a discord server and exactly one commendation of someone saying they liked it. I remember seeing many memes following release footage of Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth and Final Fantasy 7: Rebirth including a trailer full of random features that did intrigue me but probably more along the lines of ‘that looks like a weird game’ rather than ‘hey I should play that sometime’. Here I am, just short of 55 hours of playtime later, having finished Like A Dragon and actually being quite surprised with how much I liked it.

    I did read a few mostly spoiler-free reviews which gave me the impression that Like A Dragon is new-to-the-series friendly, and it is but also had some pretty scathing comments about combat. Not an issue for me, I like turn based combat, so it didn’t really affect my opinion when starting the game. One issue I’ve had playing, which is more of a performance problem rather than gameplay is that the game did keep shutting down, sometimes at very frustrating moments when I wasn’t able to save, so a lot of repeat progress had to be made. It was not an issue with my PC, my specs are more than capable of running Like A Dragon and I made a few adjustments that did prevent that from happening too much. I was, however, going through the very last chapter with no where to save and kind of wanting cutscenes and things to speed up so I could save my clear data and not have to do the end for the second time.

    I played Yakuza: Like A Dragon subbed with Japanese voice acting which I liked. All the emotion came through incredibly well. It isn’t unusual for me to play JRPG’s like this, I’m used to enjoying Japanese voice acting and reading subtitles when playing games although I’m not a purist either, and have enjoyed English voice acting just as much. I managed 43 achievements which was pretty good going for a first playthrough and think I managed to beat the game with my party around level 58 without too much level grinding. It was challenging enough but not rage inducing.

    There were times during the main story that I was a bit lost but not because I didn’t understand what was going on or didn’t have much context due to a lack of knowledge from previous games in the series. I just felt there were some points where the plot was a bit weak or didn’t really get full explanations as to why things happened. Perhaps that’s me being a bit picky or I missed something but overall I did enjoy playing. Like a Dragon’s charm is in it’s characters and their interactions with each other. Ichiban Kasuga became a pretty easy to love protagonist with unwavering optimism, loyalty and kindness to others he interacted with. He was charming, goofy and wasn’t afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve or show what he was really feeling. There were some interesting opinions I’ve read about him being the inverse of Kiryu, with his choice of suit representing that most obviously.

    Kasuga’s dialogue options were a good mix of heartwarmingly wholesome, goofy and maybe a little outrageous at times. His delivery was usually pretty charming and I just found him incredibly likeable. He draws people to him pretty effortlessly. His way of seeing the world like an RPG and getting to play the Hero, and all of his Dragon Quest references made his character feel fun to play. Other party members where just as engaging and offered fun dialogue and what really felt like strong friendships developing between them all. I particularly liked Saeko, who made for a great female party member which an interesting range of jobs to choose from. She was a constant in my party. She was cute, headstrong, funny and completely on par with the rest of the characters, rather than just there solely to fuel the main protagonist’s ego. In fact, her introduction is that of her shutting a conversation down about a particularly unsavory character which made me like her instantly.

    There are so many minigames to choose from when you want a break from fighting and I found some of them really fun. The business management minigame was something I did really quite enjoy, because I like making money, and it gave me a lot of satisfaction shutting down shareholders because my sales and net worth wasn’t as high as it could be because I was paying employees a fair wage, giving them bonuses, pay rises and promotions all the time to keep morale high. Who doesn’t want to run a business with a chicken called ‘Omelette’ as it’s mascot though? I also did all of the quizzes at the vocational school for many academic achievements and watched a few of the movies. I even tried my hand at Dragon Kart racing which was pretty fun. Too much of my time was spent not winning cats at claw machines much like how my time is spent in actual arcades in real life.

    For someone like me, not just unfamiliar to the series but someone that does tend to gravitate towards more cutesy animation, cozy games or quite high fantasy RPG’s this was pretty fun. I hard my reservations, not everything was to my taste, there were plenty of cringe moments with some more lewd and crude content but overall Yakuza: Like a Dragon was engaging, fun and full of emotion. There were a fair few moments I had chills and felt myself tearing up. I’m glad I gave it a chance.