Candyfloss & Dreams

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  • unboxing the january illumicrate box – the strength within

    unboxing the january illumicrate box – the strength within

    using book box subscriptions to read more books

    i’ve started another reading challenge. i didn’t do it last year, i only managed about 26/52. i started reviewing the books on the blog, and i might do that again this year too however most of my bookish content can be found on instagram – you can follow me if you like @katcandyfloss where i’ll be doing a weekly bookish chat talking about what i’m reading and how i’m getting on with the reading challenge. you can also find and follow me on goodreads if you like!

    what is illumicrate book box subscription?

    so illumicrate is a book subscription service that offers you a chance to purchase a book box which features new books to read and some bookish merchandise. each month there is a different theme. i think its a great way to broaden your tastes, find new authors and have some gorgeous collectible books, some of which are signed or collectors editions. there are also special boxes available for book releases of favourited authors, limited edition books with stencil sprayed designs on the edges and unique covers. its the perfect subscription for book lovers.

    how much does illumicrate cost?

    the illumicrate book box costs £34 per month including uk standard postage. illumicrate also ship internationally. subscription spots are limited so once you’re subscribed, you’re renewed and can carry on but if you are new then you have to wait for spots to open up, usually at the start of each month. occasionally you might have the chance to buy past illumicrate boxes too however the retail store is not like a proper retail store, once stock is gone, it’s gone and the focus is absolutely on the book subscription spots. there’s also a collectible pin club that you can subscribe to which gives you a bookish pin each month. alternatively, if you don’t want all the stuff there are book only options too so there are plenty of options for book lovers.

    unboxing january illumicrate book box subscription with the strength within theme

    the theme for january was the strength within and i’ve done an unboxing video which you can watch her if you like

    i’ll be joining in with the january photo challenge in early february and posting more pictures on my instagram if you want to see how i’ve styled those then you’re welcome to follow me! please let me know if you’re joining in with the challenge too.

    what’s inside the box?

    inside the box were two books, one hardback and one paperback, a book mark, a collectible magentic coin, a hat, a coin purse, a bookmark, a holographic print, an authors letter and a reading light. i think my favourite item was the reading light because i know it’s going to come in handy and it’s really practical. all the items are really lovely in the box although i think the least used would be the gideon the ninth coin purse – just because i have a pretty hefty regular purse! however, it’s the perfect size to some of my smaller bags so can be put to use then. otherwise, my plan for book merch i wont use will be to gift it on, give it to my daughter or perhaps try and sell it. i really want more bookish items but i know not everything will be practical or to my taste, as is every subscription service where the items are a surprise.

    i am pretty excited about the two books. both books are signed but i particularly love the sisters grimm gold and black design and black sprayed edges. the book sounds really interesting too so i’m looking forward to reading it and travelling into this version of cambridge. it sounds like a really enjoyable read. the next book is infinity sons and from the blurb sounds quite interesting. it’s a paperback so it will be nice and easy to read and i imagine i will get through that one pretty quickly unless i join any readalongs of the book and pace myself a little bit!

    my reading challenge

    One of my goals for 2020 is to read 52 books or around one a week. Some might be new, some are ones I’ve had for a while or been meaning to read, some I haven’t quite finished yet and some will be recommendations from others. You can see all the books I’ve read so far on my Good Reads 2020 Reading Challenge.

  • Learning About Politics Is Everyone’s Responsibility

    Learning About Politics Is Everyone’s Responsibility

    The results of the recent election are still right at the forefront of my mind. I was upset, disappointed, a bit shocked at the result. I expected another hung parliament as the country has been divided for so long or a small Conservative majority but it seems the main issue was Brexit. I am saddened, I feel a bit lost and a bit anxious about my future.

    One thing that really did get to me though, is the turnout figures. I’ve had a look at some statistics to get some figures about turnout in the 2019 general election. The amount of people eligible to vote in the election were 47,500,00 or there abouts. There were approximately 31,800,000 votes cast on the 12th December. That’s over 15 million people who were eligible to vote and just didn’t. Turnout was 67.3% which was less than the 2017 general election.

    Why did 15 million people not vote?

    Some of the excuses, and they are excuses, are I don’t understand politics or I don’t know who to vote for. I want to dig a little deeper into this because it’s really infuriating. Saying you don’t know who to vote for is tough because you may feel disillousioned by politicians, you might think they all lie and cheat, you might not have gotten the result you wanted in the past, or maybe you just hate all the candidates. Some people just couldn’t be bothered and I do not have time for those people.

    If you don’t know who to vote for, in terms of which party, and you have a bit of an ‘I’m alright, Jack’ attitude then you have to educate yourself. Just like you have to educate yourself if you don’t understand politics. If at the end of learning you still don’t know then you can still go and put an X in a box because voting really is that easy.

    If you’re truly happy with how things are, vote for the party in charge. If you don’t vote at all, then you’re basically saying “I’m happy with how things are.” and it’s like a vote for the party in charge anyway.
    If you’re not happy with how things are vote for the opposition.
    If you’re passionate about a particular cause, independence or referendum vote for a party most alligned with that.
    If you aren’t a fan of the options in Westminister of the main parties then vote for an independent candidate that might be standing.
    If you’re angry about everything then you can go and spoil your vote because spoiled votes are counted and, apparently, fed back.

    How can you educate yourself about poltics?

    1. You can read the manifestos launched when a general election is called
    2. You can visit the parties websites to find out more
    3. You can follow many politicans on social media to read their views and why they are a part of their party
    4. You can ask other people about politics
    5. You can seek education resources and try to learn about them in college or University if youre priviledged enough
    6. You can try and attend local rallies, hustings and meetings
    7. You can write to your MP and ask them about a view they old and why they voted for a particular cause
    8. You can join petitions for causes you care about
    9. You can join activisit movements
    10. You can read blog posts, like mine, like this one. They may have some bias from the position the person takes but you can still learn about movements that way
    11. You can watch Prime Ministers questions on television
    12. You can read about your local MP’s voting history
    13. You can join a political party and attend their conferences
    14. You can read a variety of articles in the press, again, these can come with bias so like posts like mine, it’s best to take everything with a pinch of salt. If you read a piece that is particularly positive about a particular party, try and find a negative piece to balance it, and vice versa.
    15. You can always ask questions

    The truth is politics is in everything and it’s really important. However, over the years it’s felt a bit taboo. In the past it wasn’t really talked about who people voted for because of anominity but with social media more people are openly discussing their views.

    It also isn’t taken seriously in education and it really should be. I think if Children learned more about our parlimentary process they would be more willing and passionate about voting in the future. It’s really important to learn about conflict theories that oppose the establishment because that’s how you make an informed decision.

    My blog is full of telling people to make balanced and informed decisions but you have to take responsibility for this. You have to seek information, have a desire to educate yourself and try and make the best choices for you as you possibly can.

    Living in an Echo Chamber

    This is where you seem to only associate with people that share the same views as you and this can sometimes be why people are upset with results from elections and referendems. What you say is constantly echoed back to you and you feel like you’re in a safe little bubble. Then big results shock you because you don’t see it coming. It’s a bit naive but also it’s a way of protecting yourself from what you feel might be the worst thing to happen.

    It also creates a support network so when you talk to each other you have a shared sadness and that can really help in a process of grieving which does happen. It isn’t about ignoring differing views but let’s be honest it’s easier to get on with people that share the similar views as you.

    Pushing an agenda

    This is what activists do, they push agendas. They aren’t trying to make copies of themselves or make everyone the same as them. Usually they’re trying to offer a different point of view, share an alternative way of live, educate others in social injustices and welfare issues, make a statement or a big change for the benefit of a group or just because they’re passionate about it.

    If you feel that someone is pushing their agenda on you then there are quite a few things you can do.

    1. Ask yourself why their opinion is making you feel uncomfortable
    2. Debate with them, in a productive way. Ask them why they support an agenda or movement, put your ideas across, talk to them about it.
    3. You don’t have to follow these people if you don’t want to. You don’t have to listen and you don’t have to be a part of the change they might want to make. However, they also don’t have to stop either. We always make a concious choice about what we want to speak about, listen to and ignore.
    4. If you are conflicting with each other, talking to each other will help strengthen your own position against other arguments in the future. When you debate something you’re passionate about you do start to form a rhetoric about it and you get better at explaining it the more you talk about it.

    Politics is in everything and affects everyone

    Feminism, Socialism, LGTBQ+, human rights, education, abortion rights, gender pay gap, veganism, animal cruelty, healthcare, social care, climate crisis – these are all big parts of our lives that we see frequently, they are all conflicting with the establishment, going against “the norm” and trying to find equality and balance. Parenting even gets political and competitive with how to feed your baby. There are ethical reasons for every movement and pretty much every decision

  • Recovery After A C-Section

    Recovery After A C-Section

    Recovery after birth is really important and I feel mothers sometimes feel a little bit neglected, overwhelmed and that they don’t have time to look after themselves. When all the adrenaline is out of the system you’re often left feeling all the hormones, increased so when your milk comes in and I feel if you’ve had a bit a traumatic experience during birth, a bit of guilt too. The phrase ‘to mother the mother’ often used by postnatal doula’s could not be more accurate to what a mother needs.

    I can not dismiss that after birth recovery is vital and important, however, I only have experience of recovering from a c-section delivery and therefore that is where my ‘expertise’ lie. I’ve had two sections, neither were planned and one was a lot more complicated than the other. I want to talk about some of the ways you can best assist your recovery after a c-section birth.

    If you know you’re going to have a c-section then a lot of these things can be prepared ahead of time, but if you are planning a vaginal birth but end up being induced, or having an unplanned or emergency (rare) c-section then some of these things might not have been considered so I’ll try and think of both scenarios for this post.

    Time Off Together

    2 weeks is not enough post c-section, try for 4 weeks with annual leave, or even better extend to six weeks with (unpaid) parental leave.

    Encourage the dad or your patner to take some time off work. I strongly advise considering an extended amount of time off if this is possible. The first thing you want to look into is paternity leave which does have some stipulations and can either be one or two weeks. This can start from a selected date or the day you give birth and needs to be, I believe, within 52 days of the birth. Then I would really look into taking a week or two annual leave after the paternity leave. Having a period of four weeks off to adapt to your new baby will take a lot of the pressure off mum to bounce back after having major abdominal surgery. It’s also really important for dad/the other parent to find their feet and place too without the pressure of getting back to work quickly.

    It is also worth looking into parental leave. It is unpaid but government backed therefore you can not be penalised for taking this time off. Parents are entitled to 18 weeks parental leave for each child (including adopted children) and you can take 4 weeks leave per child, per year. You must take it in week blocks and usually have to give around a month’s notice. It is unpaid so it is worth considering this if your funds are stretched or saving up during pregnancy to cover the amount of time off.

    Adam only actually ended up getting around 10 days off work because I was in hospital from Thursday – Sunday. He was starting a new job and University so the pressure to ‘bounce back’ was well and truly on me and it caused some severe anxiety attacks which really affected my self confidence and recovery. You can’t drive straight after a c-section, you’re barely sleeping and you’re adjusting to a newborn. If you have other children, like I did, I couldn’t even manage the school run once in a day and needed the next day to recover let alone doing it twice in a day. If Adam had had that extra time off work, I probably would have recovered faster because I wouldn’t have been so stressed.

    If you can’t take additional time off or unpaid parental leave

    1. Ask other family/friends for help with other children, school pick ups or looking after for an hour or two.
    2. If someone comes over ask them for help if you need something done or ask them to bring you food.
    3. Get a slow cooker and add lots of one handed, nutritious and filling snacks to your grocery shopping – and do it online to make it easier
    4. Do not feel you have to leave the house, ask friends and family to come to you.
    5. Consider hiring a cleaner in the late stages of pregnancy so they can help in those early newborn days.
    6. Just focus on you and baby. Your partner can deal with the housework before and after work and put a dinner in the slow cooker whilst you recover.

    Consider some hired help – this can come in many forms

    Hiring some help whilst you recover from a c-section is a priveledged thing to do and not everyone will have the chance to but if you can spare the cash then it can do your recovery wonders. Hiring a cleaner just to take care of some of the bigger jobs can really make a difference to keeping the home together whilst you focus on you and baby.

    You could look into a postnatal doula who are there to mother the mother. They are the advocates for postnatal self care. The postnatal fairy godmother if you will. Postnatal doula’s are self employed individuals and offer a variety of different options to help your recovery. They are experts in this field. They will be there to help look after baby so you can get that shower, some can help with baby wearing and breastfeeding. Many will offer to bring a homecooked meal and some offer to do some light cleaning to take a load off. They are also amazing emotional support and a fountain of knowledge. A postnatal doula will be a pro at helping a mother recover from a c-section.

    Recovery after a c-section usually takes around 6 weeks for the outer stitching to heal and 12 weeks for the inner stitching to heal. It is a long process. The most important thing is looking after you and your baby. The general advice is not to lift anything heavier than your baby and as your baby grows and gains, as will your strength. You do not owe it to anyone to bounce back.

  • Another Post on Politics

    Another Post on Politics

    General Election December 12th. Regardless of if you agree with me or not, please vote. If you are registered and able. Please vote. Please do not be one of the people that say “my voice doesn’t matter anyway” because we all know there are more people in the country that choose not to vote or spoil their vote when they can make a difference. Millions of people think and feel like that and if you are registered and able you are doing every person that can not vote for whatever reasons, particularly your children who are underage, a disservice.

    As much as I put myself as very left wing, feminist and one for equal rights and opportunities for all I am going to try and take a different approach to this post. I am voting the way I am because I want to see change, I believe in the manifesto and I believe this general election is the chance to do so. If you are reading this post then I urge you to read all the manifestos or if you want a summary then consider Simple Politics on Facebook and Instagram which offer plenty of summaries.

    Please do not listen to the papers or polls because there is no way to tell how true, ethical or representative they are. Finding an unbiased place of information is important and should really help you with making your decision if you are on the fence. The recent debates are also a good place to listen to what the leaders and senior members of the political parties are saying and pledging. I wouldn’t really bother with the one on one interviews because the interviewer has an agenda they want to get across. Debates are usually more balanced, have questions from a variety of people of different beliefs and cultures and therefore probably a bit more honest.

    This election really seems to be about Brexit for so many people but it is honestly bigger than that. I have written about what I felt about Brexit a few years ago and now, quite frankly, I’m sick of the word. I think Labours approach is really fair, as a “classic remoaner” and actually puts it back to the people. Because let’s be honest Westminster has been very distant with us about this, they have not brought the country back together and perhaps a Peoples vote where whatever deal the EU negotiates comes back to the people is quite reasonable considering no one else can make up their minds.

    Another great place to look to consider who to vote for is looking at each MP’s voting history for particular options you care about. The thing about politics and general elections is that we are never going to get someone perfect. There will never, ever be a prime minister that is a one size fits all. We are all different, with different beliefs, backgrounds, culture and class structures. The best thing you can do is consider voting for the party that most aligns with what your personal principles are.

    The last ten years have been difficult for many people. We have both a growing and aging population which is leading to strains on our public services as well as a true lack of funding for all of these. When it comes to society and public services we all have a duty not to take advantage, particularly with the NHS, but when cuts are being made all over the place but there are more people to protect, look after and make well it’s very difficult for the people in those professions. What’s more is it stops people wanting to do these jobs. It’s all very well promising loads of new nurses, doctors, police officers etc but if people don’t want to do those jobs because it doesn’t offer security like it used to then we can only fill them by outsourcing.

    I am not the most educated political person but I do take an interest in what’s going on and I do have to look outside the manifesto pledges and question the how with these big numbers. Most of them make sense to me when it comes to funding. If you raise minimum wage, you lower benefit payments because people don’t need them as they have enough to live on so the government recaps the money. If you nationalise the trains and electric grid, then the government recaps the money. If you invest sensibly into things that are guarenteed returns then the goverment recaps the money. If you give people affordable housing, affordable public transport and affordable electrical and broadband bills then people spend more of their disposable income, invest more disposable income, save more money and most importantly shop more which means more money back into the economy.

    The thing is we have a lot of very wealthy people in this country but we have a huge amount of working poor too. It isn’t fair to continue poverty shaming these people who are working but do not earn enough. It’s heartless and unacceptable to say “get another job” – what if they’re a single parent and can only work during childcare available hours, but the childcare hours are stretched during the year to include half terms and the six weeks summer holidays? It’s not 30 hours a week then, I think it’s actually around 22 hours a week which then means the working parent can only commit to that amount of hours a week. What if it’s two people and one has to work nights because of childcare? What if they are undergraduates saving to move out of their parents house because there aren’t enough jobs and the low paid ones make saving hard? What if its just an unqualified person at age 25 that just wants to leave their old teenage bedroom and is scrimping and saving for a new home?

    We don’t know anyone else’s personal lives or reasons they do things so saying sweeping statements like ‘get another job’ is so pointless and unobtainable. In political debates its very often we see angry, hate filled language and it’s because people are angry that this happens. I am angry too, for lots of reasons but mainly because I don’t trust the government we have had for the last 9 years that has been a complete misery to live in as a working class woman and mother. For the vast majority of these years I’ve been self employed because it was the only balance between childcare and earning money.

    It doesn’t matter how I feel really, I will vote my way in December and I really hope you will vote too. I mean I won’t lie, I don’t want to see another Tory government in all honesty. What I’d love to see stop is this breakdown of families and friendships because of political beliefs. I mean, it’s all very well disagreeing however, I am not going to stand for classist, ageist and racist comments from people I know because that’s not needed. And I want this to be known, my issue, my anger, is directed at the last government and a Prime Minister that I do not feel is capable of leading a society and country based on equality for all.

  • Why Language Matters

    Why Language Matters

    In an evergrowing digital age language matters more than ever. I have absolutely made my mistakes in the past with language and what I’ve said. I’ve said silly things, things that have been taken completely out of context and sometimes I’ve said things which have made me rethink and actually check my priviledge. I do have to acknowledge that I am in a priviledged position as well as part of some marginalised groups.

    My Priveledge and Marginalisation

    My priveledge comes from being white and cis-gendered, the marginalisation comes from being a woman, being fat, being working class (at one point having lived in a hostel) and being a mother. Four groups of people that are frequently judged, oppressed, not taken seriously and questioned all of the time. What I do absolutely realise though is compared to other marginalised voices mine aren’t as vital because I already have that underline priveledge. Over time it’s something I’ve had to kind of push to one side, being in a position of priveledge is not really an attack of character and can be used to pull other more marginalised voices through. We need to open the conversation.

    It’s vital to open the conversation to why language matters with friends in support of maginalised groups

    Always Period Products

    Recently, Always decided to remove the venus symbol from their packaging to make it a little bit more appropriate for all menstruators. There seems to have been a real issue across the internet for this where people are frustrated that only ‘females’ have periods and these are products are only bought by women. There are even certain voices saying how Trans rights are being taken more seriously than women’s rights. It frustrates me because Feminism and equality is all inclusive of gender, and it includes all marginalised voices that have had to deal with inequality due to their gender. This means it includes women, dodging toxic masclunity and alpha male culture and anyone that identifies within then LGTBQ+ community. Menstruators are not just women. Menstruators are bleeders as some are intersex, some only have some of the female reproductive genetalia which causes periods, some are trans people who still need and deserve the same amount of dignity and healthcare when bleeding.

    Why should we use all inclusive language for people that have periods?

    When I first heard the term menstruators instead of women that have periods was an occasion I needed to check my priveledge. I’m also not a consumer of Always products opting for resuable cloth pads and currently looking for the right menstrual cup for my cycle and body. I think this move is a good thing. I think people are quick to jump ahead and say something is inclusive for women and get angry because it comes from a place of priveledge from never having dealt with gender dysphoria. The anger is coming from people that do not identify as intersex, trans or LGTBQ+. It’s mostly coming from cis women and a few men who feel they need to be the shining hero (feminisim has no place for shining cis white male heroes, it needs allies and cis men to pull marginalised voices through)

    Why pronouns matter and why we should start paying attention

    How would you like it if you were continously called the wrong name or associated as the wrong gender? If you were consistently reffered to as a gender that you actually didn’t feel a part of? I know I wouldn’t like it. I am very happy to be identified as she/her because I very much identify as female. But this isn’t about me. I accept that I am cis gendered but I am very much an ally for all and any that identify as a different gender and embrace being non-binary. I accept that gender is a spectrum and I want to see more LGTBQ+ voices pulled through because the more we see it the less sensationalised it is. All of these voices matter.

    In the past I have brushed this off and said “oh it’s too hard” but actually it really isn’t. It’s not hard to ask what someone prefers to be called, we are just changing the question a little bit. Have we really got so stuck in our ways that changing the question is just too much effort? Refusing to accept that others may identify differently to what you have been brought up to believe is lazy. Radical even. So unthinkable. It’s only going to be unthinkable to people that don’t have a clue what it’s like to be in that marginalised group though isn’t it? Because thats what priveledge is, never having to be in a position where you are oppressed or judged because of a part of you that is just you. When we refuse to call someone by their preffered pronouns, or accept that they identify differently and prefer they/them (or others) we are refusing to accept and acknowlege who they are.

    Take the next step, don’t be afraid to ask questions, open conversations and listen to other people.

    Why language is more important than ever

    The way we speak to people is really important and it’s not about being a snowflake generation or being too politically correct. It’s just about being a decent person. It’s about accepting and acknowledging that people are different. We are quick to say to our own children that being unique and different is not something to be worried about, that everyone is different and no one is the same but it’s incredibly contradictory to then put a boundary on how different someone is allowed to be before it’s deemed socially unacceptable. I don’t think this is fair.

    Cis gendered people need to learn and accept that gender is spectrum based and many people identify differently. We need to be allies and we need to raise allies. This is why I think the improvement to include LGTBQ+ families and identities into relationship and sex education is vital. Big changes start with teaching children different social constructs so this is absolutely vital to breaking down barriers, smashing the patriarchy and creating all inclusive allies.