Candyfloss & Dreams

Blog

6 Years On From Hostel Living

Hostel living was a part of my reality for ten months in 2012/13. Sharing a small bedroom with my then two year old daughter, sharing a kitchen, a bathroom with six other families, having a night time curfew and really just trying to get some normality back into my life after leaving my difficult relationship and becoming a single parent. Life wasn’t easy, but it was getting better. Six years on my life is vastly different and so much happier. It’s hard to think that I used to live in a crisis centre but we pass it often when out and about as a reminder of how far I’ve come. It’s hard to know what to expect when you’re living in a hostel but also hard to imagine how much better life can get in the future. I’ll apologise now for the photo quality, I didn’t really have the luxury of a decent camera when I was homeless!

Hostel Living in Hampshire

I remember turning up at the council offices with my daughter and a couple of bags to declare myself homeless after leaving a toxic relationship and returning to my home town in Hampshire. I didn’t know there was a chance of me not being allocated a safe place to live close to friends and family and I certainly didn’t know what the next year of my life would be like. It was a complete and utter rollercoaster.

I started my hostel living journey on 2nd August and was brought into a crisis centre for women and children. I was given a small room with two beds and a cot, a wardrobe and bedside cabinet. There was a small tv on a three piece chest of draws. I then bundled my entire life into that room. My two year old daughter and pushchair, my bag of clothes and a few homely possessions I was able to bring with me. I was then showed where the bathroom and shower room were, given one cupboard in the kitchen, a shelf in the fridge and a drawer in the freezer. That was our allocation. I was then given a food box because at that point the only money I was receiving was £82 child benefit every four weeks.

Claiming Benefits is a big part of Hostel Living

The hostel staff helped me call through to tax credits, income support and make a housing benefit claim although the benefit I would receive wasn’t actually enough to pay for my room in the crisis centre. I then had to pay an extra £32 a week in rent from the minimal amount of benefits I was receiving to support my daughter. If I had gone to work I would have had to pay the entire rent and somehow afford childcare costs of well over £700 a month. There was no chance I was going to get a job paying at least £1400 a month with my lack of experience from being a stay at home parent for two years and emotionally I really wasn’t ready to return to the work place after so much difficulties I had been experiencing.

My daughter turned two a month after we moved in and I remember only just being able to afford to get her birthday presents and a card from Poundland. I made her a small cake. I didn’t actually get to see her until after 3pm that day because she was with her dad and at that point we were having a lot of difficulties establishing a good childcare plan for her. My ex wanted to have her in his care from alternative Friday evenings until Tuesdays and often wouldn’t bring her home until passed 9pm. I would then have to walk back with her late at night as they were often late. It was really taking a toll on me but the absolute worst time was when, after six weeks, they took her to Spain for a week. I didn’t see her for 12 days because they didn’t bring her back until the following Tuesday despite being back in the country for four days. It was the longest 12 days of my life and hostel living was becoming very, very bleak. It was during those 12 days I actually sought legal aid, refusing mediation and going straight for a residency order with a proper childcare access plan that would be consistent through school.

Six years on neither of us have deviated from that plan except maybe an extra day or early drop of here and there. She still goes alternative weekends from Friday to Sunday, half of half term, 6 nights in the Christmas and Easter break and then two weeks with her dad and grandparents in August. This year, for the first time, it’s been split so she is spending the first week there and the last week until the day before her birthday. I miss her so much for those longer stretches but she has always come back happy so I have no reason to change the plan. I do feel as she gets older that time with her dad might be shorter but for now I’m glad she gets to spend time with all of her family throughout the year. For the first time in a long time this year she won’t be with me on Christmas Day either because I want to do something special for my 30th which is just before New Years even and she usually goes away from Boxing Day. It will be nice to celebrate my birthday with her but strange to be without her on Christmas.

Ten Months of Hostel Living Taught Me A Lot

Ten months of hostel living was not easy, especially at the start when childcare access was very rocky and my ex was still being aggressive towards me. Hostel living was hard, having to share a household with six other families on my floor. There were actually 21 families living in the hostel at the time. It was hard adjusting to life as a single parent and being on benefits, feeling like I hadn’t failed my daughter. Hostel living was hard because I had to live by so many rules and my mum still lived in the next village over.

However ten months of hostel living taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am stronger than I thought I was. It taught me that I could still be a great mum as a single parent and that’s actually I was better for it. It brought me new friendships that I will always be so greatful to as they made life a little easier during our time in the crisis centre. When I was living in the hostel I also met Adam and now we’re living together and expecting a baby. Our relationship is really positive and really made me feel human again after so much stress in my life. I can’t quite believe it’s been six years since I started my hostel living journey and in that time I’ve worked part time, full time, been made redundant, got Evie into a good school and ditched employed work for running a self employed freelance and blog business. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come and I hope to anyone who might be living in a hostel right now or in a vulnerable place that this gives you a confidence boost and helps you to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

August 3, 2018
Summer Infant Pregnancy Body Pillow Review

A pregnancy body pillow is an absolute essential and has been one of the best things to have during this actual summer we have. I feel it’s typical that we are actually having a hot summer whilst I’m pregnant and it’s been pretty rough going getting to sleep at night however the Summer Infant Body Pillow has made getting comfortable in the evenings and getting to sleep so much easier. Im now 31 weeks pregnant and a deep and peaceful night sleep is a thing of the past for sure so I am doing as much as I can to stay relaxed, comfortable and supported during my pregnancy. Using this pillow with my lovely new bed sheets and Leesa mattress I am absolutely resting more and relaxing easily during this pregnancy than my first.

There are loads of different shapes and sizes when it comes to pregnancy body pillows. Some take up a lot of room on the bed (much to a partners frustration I’m sure!) and you can kind of make do without one if you have lots of extra pillows however I personally find using a body pillow like the Summer Infant Pregnancy Body Pillow to be much more considerable.

Pregnancy Body Pillow is…

So comfortable! It fits around my body really nicely, has a dip for the bump and support for between my legs. It’s lovely and soft, squishy and just like being wrapped up in a hug.

Supportive! It supports my bump, hip and legs really nicely so that my weight isn’t putting too much strain on certain parts of my body. The pregnancy body pillow has allowed me to almost sleep on my front but mostly kept me on my left side. I do sometimes have to switch sides half way through the night but I don’t have to move the pregnancy body pillow.

Multiuse! It will be great to use the pregnancy body pillow to help with feeding Baby F when he’s here so that he can get comfy and cosy with me. As he gets older he can use it for a supportive and comfortable seat although in the meantime I think I might still be making great use of it!

Easy to wash and clean with a zip up removable cover – ideal for pregnancy and of course all the mess babies come with.

I really don’t see any disadvantages to this pregnancy body pillow. It doesn’t take up as much room as some others might, is comfortable and provides a great amount of comfort and support which is ideal now especially as I’m in the third and final trimester of pregnancy. This pillow would be pretty easy to transport and would have been ideal to take with us on holiday at the start of the month however I’m so glad I have it now!

If you’re currently expecting you can purchase a Summer Infant Pregnancy Body Pillow for £39.99 RRP and it’s absolutely a pregnancy essential and investment that you will be using throughout.

Photo from: Summer Infant

Disclaimer: I received a pregnancy body pillow in exchange for this blog post. All opinions remain my own.

For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.

July 27, 2018
When Should You Allow Visitors After A New Baby?

I don’t think there is every really the correct time to introduce your new baby to your family and friends but it’s something I am starting to think about a lot. When I had Evie I had a lot of visitors in hospital, more so when I got home and my ex inlaws actually turned up out of the blue one evening when she was around a week old to take her out for a walk. It was really overwhelming for me and has really got me quite stressed about people visiting when Baby F is born. It makes it tough because for Adam and his family it’s a first baby and whilst I appreciate everyone wants to meet and get to know him, no one is more excited about meeting him than I am. The one that’s felt his kicks from 16 weeks, that will be birthing him, hopefully as naturally as possible and will in those first few weeks be attempting to establish breastfeeding. With all those hormones and trying to develop our bond with our new baby we have decided that we want to limit family and friends visits in those first few weeks.

My priority in those first few weeks will be getting Evie to and from school and feeding Baby F. That means my house will be a mess, I’ll be having midwives and health visitors and doctors appointments coming out of my ears, Adam will be starting University and Evangeline will be adjusting to life with a tired mum and a new baby brother. It’s a huge change for our family dynamic and I know that our time together is really important especially as Adam will only have his two weeks paternity leave. With all that new babies don’t actually like being passed around different people all the time and he is going to need to get used to our noises and smells and family life pretty quickly. Having too many visitors is just going to be way to overwhelming for us, let alone for a little baby.

I think it’s really important to be clear with friends and family and ask them to respect your privacy and ask to come over rather than just popping in. I know we won’t really have a problem with this as people never just turn up to visit us anyway and I know our friends will wait until invited to come and meet Baby F. I know I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of anyone visiting me in hospital, especially if I end up with another c-section because it’s a big surgery to recover from. Evie is also the most important person and, after myself and Adam, she needs to be the first person to meet Baby F from our family. This of course will be really difficult if we do end up with a hospital birth as neither of us can drive so will have to rely on family or friends to take us home.

I think it’s just important to remember that a new baby is exciting but to the parents it’s something they’ve been waiting for for a very long time. Privacy needs to be respected in these times and visits should be as long as it takes to drink a cuppa – and expect to make it yourself too!

July 26, 2018
B Sensible Bed Sheets Review

B Sensible Bedding offers complete protection and breathable, comfortable and stylish sheets and pillow cases for most sized beds and cots too! I recently received a king size sheet and two pillow cases to feature and they really have come at the perfect time considering I’m on the countdown to my waters breaking in this pregnancy and whilst it might not happen during the night or when I’m actually in bed, I’d rather have as much protection as possible.

B Sensible King Size Sheet & Mattress Protector

We decided to go for the B Sensible Bedding in grey which nicely goes with our usually purple or Flamingo duvet cover very nicely. B Sensible Bedding offers waterproof protection in their sheets and pillow cases of which it is a little more obvious to tell in the pillow cases as you can feel the waterproof lining but the sheet itself actually feels like any other bed sheet. I love the charcoal colour however there are lots of other options to fit most bedroom colour schemes.

I would absolutely be looking to get B Sensible Bedding for babies when baby F moves on from his next 2 me crib and into an actual cot of his own as babies mattresses need extra protection whilst their still in nappies really! I love that again they have lots of lovely colours available

B Sensible Bedding is made of natural materials, naturally anti bacterial and hypoallergenic and no matter how many times you wash it thanks to the Tencel and smartcel fibres they stay fresh, clean and looking like new. Coloured sheets can be washed at 60 whilst white sheets should be washed at 90 and both can be tumble dried on a low to medium heat.

B Sensible bedding is lovely and soft, it washes really well and the waterproof aspect is a winner for me at this late stage of pregnancy. The single sheets would also be a great option for children who are potty training or might have trouble staying dry at night as the sheets are comfortable and don’t have the noise and crinkly feel that plastic mattress protectors have. B Sensible bedding naturally helps keep you cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter too which is perfect for Adam and I as we can easily overheat. The pillow cases are lovely and soft despite having a noticeable protector in the case and having the cases zip up helps pregnant the pillow from falling out the case in the middle of the night which is really annoying!

July 25, 2018
Why You Should Write A Birth Plan for Every Pregnancy
Writing a Birth Plan to some people might seem completely pointless and I totally get that. Birth is unpredictable. You might be given a due date but that baby could turn up anytime really from 38 weeks when you’re considered full term. Sometimes it even happens before that and sometimes you’re left their waiting until 42 weeks after hanging on to your due date for so long. You don’t know how, where or when labour will spontaneously happen either. If having a plan sounds a bit too much then think about it as your birth preferences. Think about a plan A, your ideal birth experience and then have some things in mind for a plan B and C just in case things do become a little more unexpected. People have said to me just “go with the flow” but I really can’t do that. I’m not that sort of person. I like knowing what type of pain relief is available and thinking ahead of the type I would prefer to have. I like working things out in stages and even if things change I know exactly what course I would like to follow after a particular change. Having a high BMI also makes me more at risk and makes monitoring harder and the type of monitoring I want to have isn’t something I want to think about whilst I’m trying to let my body do what it should know what to do!

Buy Online at Amazon: https://amzn.to/2uGEO8y (Affiliate Link)

My first pregnancy was really straightforward however with an induction and then failure to progress during pushing which then lead to an unplanned c-section so this time around I am hoping for an at home VBAC birth but I also have an idea of how I’d like to have a planned c-section. In all fairness, I really don’t want to have a c-section at all. The idea of having another round of surgery whilst being overweight and the longer recovery period is making me feel increasingly worried, however, on the flip side, being induced increases the chance of scar weakening and rupture. It’s really hard when you’re a high risk pregnancy but that’s why I think it’s even more important to have a birth plan or birth preferences in mind. I’ve put together a list of books that I think are must reads when pregnant which could really help with planning a positive birth.

The benefits of a birth plan for me have been:
- Helped with my anxiety. I feel I’ve ironed out every detail in my mind of how I’d like to birth and I feel really positive about labour.
- A plan A, B and C has allowed me to think of best and worst case scenarios for the birth and where it will happen
- I have made my preferences clear to my midwife, consultant, doula and consultant midwife – all of which are being helpful, positive and supportive
- I understand a lot about the risks and benefits of the type of birth I want as well as what might happen if things don’t go to plan
- I feel more connected to my body and baby
- Midwives can easily see exactly what I want and expect from the birth as well as my newborn preferences
- In the throws of labour I shouldn’t need to answer lots of questions about what I want as it’s clearly marked out and I am hoping easy for my midwife to be really in tune with
- It has taken away a lot of the overwhelm and helped me come to terms better with my previous birth
I wanted to share some top tips when it comes to writing a birth plan and how I’ve made some of the decisions I have for having a positive birth experience as well as explaining some of my choices for this birth and my baby.
1. When writing a birth plan, put the most important information at the top so it’s clear. For me, I have put that I have anxiety, that I’ve been in an abusive relationship and that my consent for internal examinations is important. I feel this really sets my birth plan off in the right way and will hopefully eliminate the issues I had with my previous pregnancy and the lack of communication and empathy I had from my previous birth and hospital.
2. Add names of your birth partners and the location in which you are planning to give birth. I have named myself, my partner and my doula as well as what we like to be called. This makes it nice and easy should I be transferred to hospital during labour and for any midwives handing over to know who we are and what to call us. I know it sounds obvious but it just makes it nice and straightforward.
3. Try and keep it to one page. Think of it as an overview for the birth. Mine is two pages because I have one for a VBAC and another for a planned c-section should it get to that stage. I have laid it all out in sections from staying at home, first stage of labour, transition to hospital, second stage of labour, the placenta and my newborn preferences. These are headings you might want to consider.
4. If you’re a planner, like me, you might want to consider writing everything down in list form and then condensing down. My birth plan was originally eight pages long and went into a lot of detail which I’ve managed to hammer out after writing letters to my consultant and talking through with my doula. I now feel like my notes and my birth plan represent exactly the type of experience I want.
5. If you prefer visual birth planning I strongly recommend the Positive Birth Book which will direct you to free images to use to create a visual birth plan. Or you can get really creative and draw your own visual birth plan if that helps! It should be an experience that makes you feel good and prepared.
6. Make time to talk through your birth plan with your health care team when you approach the third trimester.
For more pregnancy content please head to my hub post which contains links to all my relevant pregnancy based blog posts. My second High Bmi Pregnancy.
July 24, 2018