I think I was fifteen when I first asked for my doctors permission to join Weight Watchers and thus began fifteen years of dieting. I have been antidiet for the last year now and I wish so much I had been antidiet then because I might not have half the problems and issues I have with food that I have today. Last month I called my doctor asking for help with binge eating disorder and a referral for an ADHD assessment. I have read that the impulsive nature of ADHD can be linked to disordered eating and felt it was something worth exploring. I already know that most diets fail for a multitude of complex reasons but I also wondered if there was something more to my problems with food.
I’ve talked on the blog before about living in poverty when I was younger and this resulting in an issue with my food control, binge eating and disordered eating in general but perhaps undiagnosed ADHD has also been a conflicting factor for why diets have never worked, why binge eating has been my go to and my anxiety and emetophobia have prevented it developing into something else like Bulemia. I have low self esteem and low self confidence as it is and I’ve tried every single diet but I get bored. I get bored having the same meals that don’t taste as good. I have issues knowing when to stop eating and often eat until I am over full, bloated and sometimes feeling very unwell. I have trouble controling my cravings.
These are all things I want to work on. I’m currently waiting to have blood tests to see if there are any underlying issues that are keeping me fat as well as on the waiting list for an adhd diagnosis and these are steps in the right direction. Once I’ve had the blood test results back I can be referred for stage 2 of weight management help with the NHS although I’ve made it clear to my GP that weighing myself is triggering I am hoping this will lead to some therapy around food to help me undo some of the issues I have.
I have signed up to do the Rebelfit summer camp and I am going to try and process the Nutrition information as best as I can to help me understand emotional eating, combating it and trying to build healthy food habits. I want to improve my relationship with food but I want to do this with a neurodivergent frame of mind. Something I’ve never considered before. How do I make repairing my relationship with food, avoid binge eating disorder and improve my strength and fitness now I think I have ADHD? Even if I don’t have ADHD and the assessment comes back without a formal diagnosis perhaps trying a new approach will have a more positive impact on my life. I may or may not have ADHD but I certainly have an issue with food that I’ve battled for fifteen years and that needs solving. The desire is there, but when the boredom kicks in and my brain wanting to avoid change, the motivation completely goes and I regress right back to where I started.
My goals to help me conquer binge eating disorder
- Get therapy. I am hoping for NHS but I may self fund just because I have a load of other issues to unpack.
- Follow up with the blood tests and ADHD assessment to see if that can help make changes.
- Actually complete the Rebelfit camp and read all the information.
- Build a healthy relationship with food and body acceptance
- Find a way that neurodivergent brains deal with eating disorders to see if there are any new skills I can learn
- Finish my body positive books to help motivate me
- Find food mantras and affirmations to help remind me that food is food, that I can eat anything I want and I don’t need to let it control my life
- Establish the relationship between emotions and eating. Find ways to alleviate boredom instead of turning to food.