I’ve already read so many inspirational stories today for #WorldMentalHealthDay that are encouraging, supportive and so emotionally brave. I wanted to put words to post myself and share something meaningful. Something I hope will help others too. Mental Health affects us all, whether we’re suffering or smiling, or we are watching a family member go through crisis. I’ve openly talked about my anxiety and depression before to friends and family and most of the time I suppose people would say I’m doing fine.
The truth is there are still days where I don’t want to get out of bed because I can not cope with life.
There are still nights where I panic and worry and get angry.
There are still times where I feel so overwhelmed by the smallest of things.
There are still times where I overeat and comfort eat to try and ignore the pain of what I’m feeling.
There are still times when looking after myself is not a priority.
There are still times where I am haunted by my past, where I have nightmares and wake up sobbing.
There are still times where I think I have failed as a parent because of decisions that were taken out of my hands.
There are still times where I think this world would be a better place if I wasn’t here.
Those times are few and far between now but that doesn’t mean they’re not there. It doesn’t mean I’m cured or healed. It means that despite how I feel, how I’m coping, I am choosing to live. I am choosing to be here for my daughter. I am choosing to be here because I deserve to be here and because those people that made my life hard in the past don’t deserve to win. I am choosing to push back the whispers of self-doubt every day I walk out my front door because I want to win at life. I want to do more than survive.
If you are feeling anything close to what I’ve described then talk to someone, anyone. A doctor, a nurse, a friend, a partner, a parent. Anyone. Make it known that you think you might be suffering from depression because ultimately when it comes to mental health, no matter how much we raise awareness, only you can make that decision to ask and seek help.
Depression doesn’t go away easily, it’s a challenge and sometimes it’s a daily battle. It’s a war that will never end but there are days, weeks, months and years that you can find peace in yourself and every day you wake up not wanting to fight, you’ll have so many more reasons to do so.