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  • the midnight lie – book review

    the midnight lie – book review

    the midnight lie by marie rutkoski is a recent read of mine from the illumicrate february book box subscription. it’s a ya fantasy fiction book and i rate it 4/5 stars.

    the blurb: “where nirrim lives, crime abounds, a harsh tribunal rules, and society’s pleasures are reserved for the high kith. life in the ward is grim and punishing. nirrim keeps her head down and a dangerous secret close to her chest. but then she encounters sid, a rakish traveler from far away who whispers rumours that the high caste posesses magic. sid tempts nirrim to seek that magic for herself. but to do that, nirrim must surrender her old life. she must place her trust in this sly stranger who asks, above all, not to be trusted.”

    the illumicrate edition had an exclusive cover, sprayed edges and is signed by the author. the book cover really is beautiful and i loved the pink sprayed edges. i joined in with the readalong too which is basically an online book club. we read the book in sections and then discuss each part in a private group.

    the midnight lie really surprised me. it was a good read and i enjoyed it. it was really interesting reading nirrim go from “it is the way it is” to wanting justice and equality for her people. the way she went around it, however, to me was completely unexpected. there were a few twists in this book which i just didn’t expect at all. i loved the romance in this too.

    there were themes of manipulation, gaslighting and bribery within the book which really helped me build empathy for nirrim during the story. nirrim’s secret could seriously get her into trouble and she lives in a world where she has to pay a tithe when caught by the guards. sometimes it’s as simple as hair or a bit of blood, other times it’s much more sinister and might be eyes or limbs. other times children go missing from the ward never to be seen again. you really do want the best for nirrim throughout the story and it was really interesting reading so many first time experiences through her eyes.

    the reason for 4 stars was because the book is beautifully written, easy to follow and has an unexpected and enjoyable plot. i took away a star because some of the plot points were really easy to guess and the end felt very abrupt and was over far too quickly. i would recommend this as a great travel book or for a little bit of light hearted escapism.

    One of my goals for 2020 is to read 52 books or around one a week. Some might be new, some are ones I’ve had for a while or been meaning to read, some I haven’t quite finished yet and some will be recommendations from others. You can see all the books I’ve read so far on my Good Reads 2020 Reading Challenge.

  • a nationwide lockdown is not the time to start a diet

    i’ve talked openly about trying to balance my relationship with food and looking at improving my overall general health rather than obsessing about weight loss. however, being a bigger woman, my bmi does put me at an increased risk than others at developing complications if i were to be diagnosed with covid-19. i would be lying if i said that my size does not worry me about this pandemic.

    despite this, there are loads more beneficial things i can do during this pandemic than focus on stressing my body out with fad diets and inevitably binge eating. i am limited in things i can do really. i was looking forward to getting out more during extra day light hours and less rain however there’s now a risk with that so i will be isolating most of the time. i don’t care what size my body will be during or after this pandemic but i do care about the state of my mental health.

    so rather than focusing on weight loss and diets whilst we stay at home here are the ways i am going to focus on improving my health during our lockdown. none of these are going to stop me from getting unwell, the only things that lower your chances of catching coronavirus, covid-19, is frequently washing hands, social isolating and hopefully, when it’s readily available, a vaccine. but there are a significant amount of things i can do to help me feel good.

    1. exercise. i have body priviledge enough that i can find a way i enjoy moving. i love dancing, i like yoga, i like weight training. i have some weights, a resistance band, a yoga mat and an internet connection. i have spotify. i also have to encourage movement in my daughter for her home school ‘pe’ lessons. each day we are going to find a way to have fun moving for 30 minutes, at least five times a week.
    2. getting a good night sleep. there’s no alarm to set, no worry about the school run and no fear when adam will be out the house working, because he will be home. we can take it in turns to do the early mornings with felix, we can both focus on getting a decent amount of sleep each evening.
    3. staying hydrated. water helps us feel better and helps us to stay healthy. it is not going to prevent or ‘wash out’ a virus but it is going to help keep my body working as well as it can.
    4. fresh air. when and as we can i do want to make an effort to get outside for a walk because we don’t have access to a garden. if we can’t get outside then opening up the curtains and windows for a little bit each morning can help make me feel a bit better and ‘fresher’
    5. cooking with my family and including as many colours as i can. we are currently using a hello fresh subscription to get fresh veg and try new meals. we are cooking from scratch a bit more and i’m really enjoying it. i’m paying attention to my fullness levels as much as i can and leaving some for lunch the next day.

    most importantly, right now we are going to feel every emotion. it is okay and valid to feel those emotions in the moment. we are seeking something to control but i urge you to try to let go of some of that control. let your body feel and heal through this weird time. focus on what feels good. take time for self care. seek an online therapist in the meantime. reach out to friends. let people know if you are struggling. turn off those news updates if they’re worrying you.

    you do not need to diet through a global, viral pandemic

    it is okay to gain or lose weight or go up and down

    it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling, it’s okay not to be okay

    however you need to process this time, try to do it in a way that is nourishing for your mind and body. it’s not the time for focusing on restriction, its a time for peace, calm and trying to make our way through this unprecedented mess.

  • when your fat but you want sustainable period protection

    when your fat but you want sustainable period protection

    one thing i have seen really paving the way for sustainability is period protection. there is more being done to make it affordable and help eliminate period poverty, companies are speaking to activists about making disposables plastic free and there are more choices which are becoming available to all menstruators which is great.

    i got my period at 11 years old and the option was plastic pads or tampons. i didn’t like the idea of tampons because toxic shock syndrome fear was drummed into me and my mum used pads so naturally i used pads. i had really heavy periods that lasted the full 7 days in a month at first so i went on the pill to try and control them as well as having perscriped painkillers to deal with the cramps which kept me off school from time to time. there are now loads of great things about periods including books, protection subscriptions and campaigns for eco friendly plastic free period protection.

    affiliate link –

    when i got the implant after my daughter was born my periods vanished and so did my period protection. however, after having my implant removed and of course having my son, i didn’t want to go back on the implant and instead i started looking into plastic free period protection.

    so far i have learned about cups, discs, period pants, plastic free disposables and cloth reusables. after felix was born i used disposable maternity pads but for each period since i’ve used cloth sanitary protection and have a really nice stash of pretty pads to bleed onto every month. i’m learning more about my cycle, doing regular pelvic floor exercises (thirties plus pregnancy means it’s a must) and still researching other methods because i still have a heavy period, i’d like it to be a bit more mess free and i really like the idea of using a disc but as a fat person with short fingers i’m not sure i can.

    and then there is period pants. i want high waisted knickers please. midi briefs constantly ride up under my overhang and rub and irritate my now twice opened c-section scar. i want them up and over. i’m yet to find decent period pants that are for a size 24/26 – please reccomend some if you know.

    there is a cup with a long stem and ring pull which looks promising but i’m not sure i’ll work well with a cup. i have tried and inserting it was just difficult and left me frustrated. so i’m currently looking into using a menstural disc but i don’t know if i’ll be able to use one and get it in position properly. it’s really frustrating.

    i like the thought of a disc because it sits higher than a cup so hopefully i won’t feel it but i can’t actually reach my cervix so i’m not sure i’ll be able to reach the pubic bone to tuck the disc behind. i would be happy to hear any recommendations!

  • reusables & subscriptions that prevent the need for stockpilling

    reusables & subscriptions that prevent the need for stockpilling

    we have all seen no doubt the devestating images of vulnerable, elderly and emergency worker photographs trying to shop from empty shelves in supermarkets. grocery stores and supermarkets are trying to put measures in place to prevent stockpilling but it’s got out of hand. we have been told that there is enough for everyone but yet people are panic buying all sorts of weird things.

    i understand in times of panic the need to control something, anything and perhaps this is why so many are stockpilling. the uncertainty, unknown prospects for the next 12 weeks is concerning however we really don’t need to be preventing the vulnerable from getting their basic shop. i have had plenty of worries and anxieties during this.

    if you have excess supply of anything or more than your family needs please consider donating any of the following items to your local food bank, shelter, refuge or making care packages for vulnerable people:

    • sanitary and/or incontinence protection
    • personal hygiene products particularly soap
    • nappies and formula
    • tins of anything
    • uht longlife milk
    • biscuits
    • easter eggs
    • packeted products like noodles, soups and pasta

    do not take advantage during this time. people are being made redundent, work places are closing, people are vulnerable, scared and many are losing money. be kind.

    if you are in a position of priviledge and able to change how you shop i have a few suggestions of reusables and subscriptions that are helping me and my family during this time of uncertanty.

    • reusable wipes. we use cheeky wipes personally which are great. they have a backlog at the moment but they are worth it. they will save you quite possibly hundreds in pounds on wet wipes in the long run. theres a video below in how to use cheeky wipes. they’re much better at cleaning babies up than regular wet wipes. they will save you money. they will reduce your plastic waste. alternatively, you can cut up old towels, flannels or make your own if you can sew.
    • reusable nappies. try switching out one disposable for a reusable each day. these can be bought second hand on ebay, facebook groups and you might find some great deals on cloth nappies right now. we have a great stash of these including tots bots, baba + boo, bambino mio, tickle tots and close pop-ins. i’ve written up a bit more about cloth nappies and how we use them here.
    • cloth sanitary protection. this is also known to some as csp. other options of reusable period protection include menstural cups and discs. put a cup in it has a great quiz to find out what might be the best fit. i get most of my cloth protection from etsy.

    subscriptions that are helping me feed my family

    get £20 off with hello fresh – this is a box we are buying weekly. it’s currently costing us around £35 a week for 4 meals for 4 people. there is enough food from this box for us to make leftovers which are substantial meals for lunch. there are plenty of options, fresh vegetables and we are trying lots of new recipes especially now i have the time to cook. i have a referral code which gives you £20 off your first box. you can sign up to hello fresh here.

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  • things to add into your daily routine during a nation wide quarantine

    things to add into your daily routine during a nation wide quarantine

    we are all anxious about a period of quarantine, not sure what to do, how to work, financial worries and children being stuck indoors and getting bored of learning from home. i wanted to write up a few things you can try and add into your daily routine to keep everyone feeling upbeat and energised. i’ve written up a post about things you can do during self isolation which has a few more ideas and explains the differences between self isolation and a nation wide lockdown.

    the most important thing during a nation wide quarentine or lockdown is to maintain and observe social distance of at least 2 metre or around six foot, but more if you can. most places will be closed and shops like supermarkets will likely only allow certain amount of people in at a time. it’s also not advisable to visit family or have people over as a preventative measure and if someone becomes ill in the household, attempt to maintain social distance from the family member in the house too. most importantly, wash your hands frequently through the day and encourage children to do the same.

    start the day together by opening up the windows to get some fresh air into the home and getting everyone to make their bed. then enjoy breakfast together if you’re feeling well enough to do that. we are in a flat and the air can feel stagnant quickly if we can’t get out and about. we also don’t have access to a garden as i’ve mentioned many times before but getting plenty of natural light and fresh air into the home to circulate can be a mood booster for me.

    the schools are closing during the spring term which means more daylight and that is a positive for me. i feel so much better during the lighter months of the year, more productive and more able to get up and get things done. this would have been harder in january for me for sure.

    find a way to enjoy movement together. this could be a walk together, providing people are allowed to leave the house for a walk together. joining in with joe wicks early morning pe classes on his youtube channel. doing some yoga or having a daily dance party.

    get creative with your pantry. people are stockpilling all kinds of crazy things and this will die down when people move to acceptance of this weird kind of world. i feel like i’m at the acceptance stage really, and my fears and worries are more about adam’s place of work than anything else now that schools have announced closure. i know we will be able to still continue feeding our family. before we head back to the shops for supplies we will be using as much as we possibly can that we already have. that might include some weird and wonderful creations but at least we will not be going hungry. getting the kids involved can be a great way to give them something to do and keep them occupied too.

    use this as a chance to get things changed in this country. working from home has never been so important. show your employers that home working is doable, show them how beneficial flexible working can be. perhaps this will lead to some changes in work patterns that are desperately needed in this country to support parents, part time workers, those requiring flexi hours or those that have additional needs. if we can show our employers how working from home can work well for all involved it could go hand in hand with changing some key leglisation and work from home policies.

    now is your chance to try and do something new if you’re having to stay away from work and observing social distancing. if you have the time and you’re well enough to do so try something new. learn a language or pick up an instrument, have a go at creating or crafting. try some new recipes together. perfect your baking skills. do an online course. there are plenty of things you can do that will help keep your mind occupied. we’ve likely got around 12 weeks of this isolation period and that’s quite a lot of time to try something different. fitting this into your every day life will mean that you have something to look forward to.

    take some time to read together. not only will this really help children with their reading, writing and vocabularly, it will give you some quiet time to pick up a book you’ve wanted to read for ages. a kindle is a great source of entertainment for me and allows me to have a library in my lap. i have a shelf of books i want to read this year and i’m trying to complete a reading challenge of 52 books. the time ahead will probably mean i reach that challenge much sooner than i anticipated.

    whilst many of us will have to work and will struggle with the isolation there are things we can do to keep in contact with loved ones. write letters, face time and video chat regularly, email people and participate in groups on facebook or other social media. keep in touch with people. stay safe. it’s easy to feel uncertain about this, this is pretty overwhelming for many but we will get through this. this too shall pass.

    maintain social distancing, only go out if for exercise or supplies as and when you need them. don’t take more than you need unless you’re helping vulnerable people. wash your hands.